“it’snoteasy.”hisvoiceisalmostinaudible.

“try.tryhard,becauseit’strue.”istrokehisfaceoncemore,myfingers

brushingagainsthissideburns.hegazesatme,eyeswide,grayoceansof

lossandhurtandpain.iwanttoclimbintohisbodyandholdhim.anythingto

stopthatlook.whenwillherealizethathemeanstheworldtome?thathe’s

morethanworthyofmylove,theloveofhisparents—hissiblings?iha一vetold

himoverandover,andyethereweareaschristiangivesmehislost,

abandonedlook.time.itwilljusttaketime.

“you’llgetcold.come.”herisesgracefullytohisfeetandpullsmeupto

standbesidehim.islipmyarmaroundhiswaistaswewanderbackintothe

bedroom.iwon’tpushhim,butsinceray’saccident,it’sbecomemore

importanttomethatheknowshowmuchilovehim.asweenterthe

bedroom,ifrown,desperatetorecovertheverywelcomelightheartedmood

ofonlyafewmomentsago.

“shallwewatchtv?”iask.

christiansnorts.“iwashopingforroundtwo.”andmymercurialfiftyisback.

iarchmybrowandstopbythebed.

“well,inthatcase,ithinki’llbeincharge.”

hegapesatme.ipushhimontothebedandquicklystraddlehim,pinning

hishandsdownbesidehishead.

hegrinsupatme.“well,mrs.grey,nowyou’vegotme.whatareyougoing

todowithme?”

ileandownandwhisperinhisear,“iamgoingtofuckyouwithmymouth.”

hecloseshiseyes,inhalingsharply,andirunmyteethgentlyalong371|pa

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fiftyshadesfreed

hisjaw.

~o0o~

christianisworkingatthecomputer.it’sabrightearlymorning,andhe’s

tappingoutane-mail,ithink.

“goodmorning,”imurmurshylyfromthedoorway.heturnsandsmilesatme.

“mrs.grey.you’reupearly.”heholdsopenhisarms.iboltacrossthesuite

andcurlintohislap.“asareyou.”

“iwasjustworking.”heshiftsashekissesmyhair.

“what?”iask,sensingsomethingwrong.

hesighs.“igotane-mailfromdetectiveclark.hewantstotalktoyouabout

thatfuckerhyde.”

“really?”isitbacktogazeatchristian.

“yes.itoldhimyou’reinportlandforthetimebeing,sohe’llha一vetowait.but

hesayshe’dliketointerviewyouhere.”

“he’scominghere?”

“apparentlyso.”christianlooksbemused.

ifrown.“what’ssoimportantthatcan’twait?”

“exactly.”

“when’shecoming?”

“today.i’lle-mailhimback.”

“iha一venothingtohide.iwonderwhathewantstoknow?”

“we’llfindoutwhenhegetshere.i’mintrigued,too.”christianshiftsagain.

“breakfastwillbehereshortly.let’seat,thenwecangoandseeyourdad.”

inod.“youcanstayhereifyouwant.icanseeyou’rebusy.”

hescowls.“no,iwanttocomewithyou.”

“okay.”igrin,andwrapmyarmsaroundhisneckandkisshim.

rayisbad-tempered.it’sajoy.he’sitchy,scratchy,impatient,and

uncomfortable.

“dad,you’vebeeninamajorcaraccident.itwilltaketimetoheal.christian

andiwanttomoveyoutoseattle.”

“idon’tknowwhyyou’rebotheringwithme.i’llbefinehereon372|page

eljames

myown.”

“dad,don’tberidiculous.”isqueezehishandfondly,andhehasthegraceto

smileatme.

“doyouneedanything?”

“icouldmurderadoughnut,annie.”

igrinindulgentlyathim.“i’llgetyouadoughnutortwo.we’llgotovoodoo.”

“great!”

“youwantsomedecentcoffee,too?”

“hellyeah!”

“okay,i’llgogetsome.”

christianisoncemoreinthewaitingroom,talkingonthephone.hereally

shouldsetupofficeinhere.weirdly,he’sbyhimself,althoughtheothericu

bedsareoccupied.iwonderifchristian’sfrightenedofftheothervisitors.he

hangsup.

“clarkwillbehereatfourthisafternoon.”

ifrown.whatcouldbesourgent?“okay.raywantscoffeeanddoughnuts.”

christianlaughs.“ithinkiwouldtooifi’dbeeninanaccident.asktaylorto

go.”

“no,i’llgo.”

“taketaylorwithyou.”hisvoiceisstern.

“okay.”irollmyeyesathim,andhenarrowshiseyes.thenhesmirks,and

cockshisheadtooneside.

“there’snoonehere.”hisvoiceisdeliciouslylow,andiknowhe’s

threateningtospankme.iamabouttodarehim,whenayoungcoupleenters

theroom.sheisweepingsoftly.

ishrugapologeticallyatchristian,andhenods.pickinguphislaptop,he

takesmyhandandleadsmeoutoftheroom.“theyneedtheprivacymore

thanwedo,”christianmurmurs.“we’llha一veourfunlater.”

outsidetayloriswaitingpatiently.“let’sallgogetcoffeeanddoughnuts.”

~o0o~

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fiftyshadesfreed

atfouro’clockpreciselythere’saknockonthesuitedoor.taylorushersin

detectiveclark,wholooksmorebad-temperedthanusual.healways

seemstolookbad-tempered.perhapsit’sthewayhisfaceisset.

“mr.grey,mrs.grey,thankyouforseeingme.”

“detectiveclark.”christianshakeshishandanddirectshimtoaseat.isit

downonthesofawhereienjoyedmyselfsomuchlastnight.thethought

makesmeblush.

“it’smrs.greyiwishtosee,”clarksayspointedlytochristianandtotaylor

stationedbesidethedoor.christianglancesthennodsalmostimperceptibly

attaylorwhoturnsandlea一ves,shuttingthedoorbehindhim.

“anythingyouwishtosaytomywifeyoucansayinfrontofme.”

christian’svoiceiscoolandbusinesslike.detectiveclarkturnstome.

“areyousureyou’rehappyforyourhusbandtobepresent?”

ifrownathim.“ofcourse.iha一venothingtohide.youarejustinterviewing

me?”

“yesma’am.”

“i’dlikemyhusbandtostay.”

christiansitsbesideme,radiatingtension.

“asyouwish,”murmursdetectiveclark,resigned.heclearshisthroat.

“mrs.grey,mr.hydemaintainsthatyousexuallyharassedhimandmade

severallewdadvancestohim.”

oh!ialmostburstoutlaughing,butputmyhandonchristian’skneeto

restrainhimasheshiftsforwardinhisseat.

“that’spreposterous,”christiansplutters.isqueezechristian’swristto

silencehim.

“that’snottrue,”istatecalmlyandmatter-of-factlytoclark.“infact,itwasthe

otherwayaround.hepropositionedmeinaveryaggressivemanner,andhe

wasfired.”

detectiveclark’smouthflattensbrieflyintoathinlinebeforehecontinues.

“hydeallegesthatyoufabricatedataleaboutsexualharassmentinorderto

gethimfired.hesaysthatyoudidthisbecauseherefusedyouradvances

andbecauseyouwantedhisjob.”

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eljames

ifrown.holycrap.jackisevenmoredelusionalthanithought.

“that’snottrue.”ishakemyhead.

“detective,pleasedon’ttellmeyouha一vedrivenallthiswaytoharassmywife

withtheseridiculousaccusations.”

detectiveclarkturnshissteelyblueglareonchristian.“ineedtohearthis

frommrs.grey,sir,”hesayswithquietrestraint.isqueezechristian’swrist

oncemore,silentlyimploringhimtokeephiscool.

“youdon’tha一vetolistentothisshit,ana.”

“ithinkishouldletdetectiveclarkknowwhathappened.”

christiangazesatmeimpassivelyforabeatthenwa一veshishandina

gestureofresignation,lettingmecontinue.

“whathydesaysissimplynottrue.”myvoicesoundscalm,althoughifeel

anythingbut.i’mbewilderedbytheseaccusationsandnervousthatchristian

mightexplode.whatisjack’sgame?“jackhydeaccostedmeintheoffice

kitchenoneevening.hetoldmethatitwasthankstohimthatihadbeen

hiredandthatheexpectedsexualfa一vorsinreturn.hetriedtoblackmailme,

usinge-mailsthati’dsenttochristian,whowasn’tmyhusbandthen.ididn’t

knowhydehadbeenmonitoringmye-mails.he’sdelusional—heeven

accusedmeofbeingaspysentbychristian,presumablytohelphimtake

overthecompany.hedidn’tknowthatchristianhadalreadyboughtsip.”i

shakemyheadasirecallmydistressing,tenseencounterwithhyde.

“intheendi—itookhimdown.”

clark’seyebrowsriseinsurprise.“tookhimdown?”

“myfatherisex-army.hyde...um,touchedme,andiknowhowtodefend

myself.”

christianglancesatmewithabrieflookofpride.

“isee.”clarkleansbackonthesofa,sighinghea一vily.

“ha一veyouspokentoanyofhyde’sformerpas?”christianasks,almost

genially.

“yes,weha一ve.butthetruthiswecan’tgetanyofhisassistantstotalktous.

theyallsayhewasanexemplaryboss,eventhoughnoneofthemlasted

morethanthreemonths.”

“we’vehadthatproblem,too,”christianmurmurs.

oh?igapeatchristian,asdoesdetectiveclark.

“mysecuritychief.he’sinterviewedhyde’spastfivepas.”

“andwhy’sthat?”

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fiftyshadesfreed

christiangiveshimasteelyglare.“becausemywifeworkedforhim,andi

runsecuritychecksonanyonemywifeworkswith.”

detectiveclarkflushes.ishrugapologeticallyathimwithawelcome-to-myworld

smile.

“isee,”clarkmurmurs.“ithinkthere’smoretothisthanmeetstheeye,mr.

grey.weareconductingamorethoroughsearchofhisapartmenttomorrow,

somaybesomethingwillpresentitselfthen.thoughbyallaccountshehasn’t

livedthereforsometime.”

“you’vesearchedalready?”

“yes.we’redoingitagain.afingertipsearchthistime.”

“you’vestillnotchargedhimwiththeattemptedmurderofrosbaileyand

myself?”christiansayssoftly.

what?

“we’rehopingtofindmoreevidenceinregardtothesabotageofyour

aircraft,mr.grey.weneedmorethanapartialprint,andwhilehe’sin

custodywecanbuildacase.”

“isthisallyoucamedownherefor?”

clarkbristles.“yes,mr.grey,itis,unlessyou’vehadanyfurtherthoughts

aboutthenote?”

note?whichnote?

“no.itoldyou.itmeansnothingtome.”christiancannothidehisirritation.

“andidon’tseewhywecouldn’tha一vedonethisoverthephone.”

“ithinkitoldyouipreferahands-onapproach.andi’mvisitingmygreataunt

wholivesinportland—twobirds...onestone.”clarkremainsstonyfaced

andunfazedbymyhusband’sbadtemper.

“well,ifwe’realldone,iha一veworktoattendto.”christianstandsand

detectiveclarkfollowshiscue.

“thankyouforyourtime,mrs.grey,”hesayspolitely.inod.

“mr.grey.”christianopensthedoor,anddetectiveclarklea一ves.isaginto

thesofa.

“canyoubelievethatasshole?”christianexplodes.

“clark?”

“no.thatfucker,hyde.”

“no,ican’t.”

“what’shisfuckinggame?”christianwhispersthroughgritted376|page

eljames

teeth.

“idon’tknow.doyouthinkclarkbelievedme?”

“ofcoursehedid.heknowshydeisafucked-upasshole.”

“you’reverysweary.”

“sweary?”christiansmirks.“isthataword?”

“itisnow.”

unexpectedlyhegrinsandsitsdownbesideme,pullingmeintohisarms.

“don’tthinkaboutthatfucker.let’sgoseeyourdadandtrytotalkaboutthe

movetomorrow.”

“hewasadamantthathewantedtostayinportlandandnotbeabother.”

“i’lltalktohim.”

“iwanttotra一velwithhim.”

christiangazesatme,andforamoment,ithinkhe’sgoingtosayno.“okay.

i’llcome,too.sawyerandtaylorcantakethecars.i’llletsawyerdriveyour

r8tonight.”

~o0o~

thefollowingdayrayisexamininghisnewsurroundings—anairy,light,

roomintherehabilitationcenterofthenorthwesthospitalinseattle.it’s

noon,andhelookssleepy.thejourney,viahelicopternoless,hasexhausted

him.

“tellchristianiappreciatethis,”hesaysquietly.

“youcantellhimyourself.he’llbealongthisevening.”

“aren’tyougoingtogotowork?”

“probably.ijustwanttomakesureyou’resettledinhere.”

“yougetalong.youdon’tneedtoworryaboutme.”

“ilikeworryingaboutyou.”

myblackberrybuzzes.icheckthenumber—it’snotoneirecognize.

“yougoingtoanswerthat?”rayasks.

“no.idon’tknowwhoitis.thevoicemailcantakeitforme.iboughtyou

somemagazines.”iindicatethepileofsportingperiodicalsonhisbedside

somemagazines.”iindicatethepileofsportingperiodicalsonhisbedside

table.

“thanks,annie.”

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fiftyshadesfreed

“you’retired,aren’tyou?”

henods.

“i’llletyougetsomesleep.”ileanoverandkisshisforehead.

“laters,daddy,”imurmur.

“i’llseeyoulater,honey.andthankyou.”rayreachesoutandcatchesmy

hand,squeezingitgently.“ilikethatyoucallmedaddy.takesmeback.”

oh,daddy.ireturnhissqueeze.

asiheadoutofthemaindoorstowardthesuvwheresawyeriswaiting,i

hearmynamebeingcalled.

“mrs.grey!mrs.grey!”

turning,iseedr.greenehurrytowardme,lookingherusualimmaculateself,

ifalittleflustered.

“mrs.grey,howareyou?didyougetmymessage?icalledearlier.”

“no.”myscalpprickles.

“well,iwaswonderingwhyyou’dcancelledfourappointments.”

fourappointments?igapeather.i’vemissedfourappointments!

how?

“perhapsweshouldtalkaboutthisinmyoffice.iwasgoingoutforlunch—do

youha一vetimerightnow?”

inodmeekly.“sure.i...”wordsfailme.i’vemissedfourappointments?i’m

lateformyshot.shit.ifollowherinadazebackintothehospitalandupto

heroffice.howdidimissfourappointments?ivaguelyrememberonebeing

moved—hannahmentionedit—butfour?howcouldimissfour?

dr.greene’sofficeisspacious,minimalist,andwellappointed.

“i’msogratefulyoucaughtmebeforeileft,”imumble,stillshellshocked.“my

father’sbeeninacaraccident,andwe’vejustmovedhimherefrom

portland.”

“oh,i’msosorry.how’shedoing?”

“he’sdoingokay,thankyou.onthemend.”

“that’sgood.anditexplainswhyyoucancelledonfriday.”

dr.greenewigglesthemouseonherdesk,andhercomputercomestolife.

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eljames

“yes...it’sbeenoverthirteenweeks.you’recuttingitabitfine.we’dbetter

doatestbeforewegiveyouanothershot.”

“atest?”iwhisper,allthebloodrushingfrommyhead.

“apregnancytest.”

ohno.

shereachesintothedrawerofherdesk.“youknowwhattodowiththis.”

shehandsmeasmallcontainer.“therestroomisjustoutsidemyoffice.”

igetupasifinatrance,mywholebodyrobotic,operatingonautomaticpilot,

andstumbletotherestroom.

shit,shit,shit,shit,shit.howcouldiha一veletthishappen...again?

isuddenlyfeelsickandofferasilentprayerwhileipee.pleaseno.please

no.it’stoosoon.it’stoosoon.it’stoosoon.whenireenterdr.greene’s

office,shegivesmeatightsmileandwa一vesmetotheseatinfrontofher

desk.isitdownandwordlesslyhandhermysample.shedipsasmallwhite

stickintoitandwatches.sheraiseshereyebrowsasitturnspaleblue.

“whatdoesthatmean?theblue?”thetensionisalmostchokingme.

shelooksupatme,hereyeswide.“well,mrs.grey,itmeansyou’re

pregnant.”

what?no.no.no.

fuck.

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