chapternineteen

tearsstreamdownmyface.he’sback.mydaddyisback.

“don’tcry,annie.”ray’svoiceishoarse.“what’shappening?”

itakeuphishandinbothofmineandcradleitagainstmyface.

“you’vebeeninanaccident.you’reinthehospitalinportland.”

rayfrowns,andidon’tknowifit’sbecausehe’suncomfortablewithmy

uncharacteristicdisplayofaffection,orthathecan’tremembertheaccident.

“doyouwantsomewater?”iask,thoughi’mnotsureifi’mallowedtogive

himany.henods,bewildered.myheartswells.istandupandleanoverhim,

kissinghisforehead.“iloveyou,daddy.welcomeback.”

hewa一veshishand,embarrassed.“me,too,annie.water.”iruntheshort

distancetothenurses’station.

“mydad—he’sawake!”ibeamatnursekellie,whosmilesback.

“pagedr.sluder,”shesaystohercolleagueandhurriedlymakesherway

aroundthedesk.

“hewantswater.”

“i’llbringhimsome.”

iskipbacktomyfather’sbed,ifeelsolight-hearted.hiseyesareclosed

whenireachhim,andiimmediatelyworrythathe’sslippedbackintoa

coma.

“daddy?”

“i’mhere,”hemuttersandhiseyesflutteropenasnursekellieappearswith

ajugoficechipsandaglass.

“hello,mr.steele.i’mnursekellie.yourdaughtertellsmeyou’rethirsty.”

inthewaitingroom,christianisstaringfixedlyathislaptop,deepin

concentration.heglancesupwheniclosethedoor.

“he’sawake,”iannounce.hesmiles,andthetensionaroundhis363|pag

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fiftyshadesfreed

eyesvanishes.oh...ihadn’tnoticedbefore.hashebeentenseallthis

time?hesetshislaptopaside,stands,andembracesme.

“howishe?”heasksintomyhairasiwrapmyarmsaroundhim.

“talking,thirsty,bewildered.hedoesn’tremembertheaccidentatall.”

“that’sunderstandable.nowthathe’sawake,iwanttogethimmovedto

seattle.thenwecangohome,andmymomcankeepaneyeonhim.”

already?

“i’mnotsurehe’swellenoughtobemoved.”

“i’lltalktodr.sluder.getheropinion.”

“youmisshome?”

“yes.”

“okay.”

“youha一ven’tstoppedsmiling,”christiansaysasipullupoutsidethe

heathman.

“i’mveryrelieved.andhappy.”

christiangrins.“good.”

thelightisfading,andishiverasistepoutintothecool,crispeveningand

handmykeytotheparkingvalet.he’seyeingmycarwithlust,andidon’t

blamehim.christianputshisarmaroundme.

“shallwecelebrate?”heasksasweenterthefoyer.

“celebrate?”

“yourdad.”

igiggle.“oh,him.”

“i’vemissedthatsound.”christiankissesmyhair.

“canwejusteatinourroom?youknow,ha一veaquietnightin?”

“sure.come.”takingmyhand,heleadsmetotheelevators.

“thatwasdelicious,”imurmurwithsatisfactionasipushmyplateaway,

repleteforthefirsttimeinages.“theysureknowhowtomakeafinetarte

tatinhere.”

iamfreshlybathedandwearingonlychristian’st-shirtandmypanties.inthe

background,christian’sipodisonshuffleanddidois364|page

eljames

warblingonaboutwhiteflags.

christianeyesmespeculatively.hishairisstilldampfromourbath,andhe’s

wearingjusthisblackt-shirtandjeans.“that’sthemosti’veseenyoueatthe

entiretimewe’vebeenhere,”hesays.

“iwashungry.”

heleansbackinhischairwithaself-satisfiedsmirkandtakesasipofhis

whitewine.“whatwouldyouliketodonow?”hisvoiceissoft.

“whatdoyouwanttodo?”

heraisesaneyebrow,amused.“whatialwayswanttodo.”

“andthatis?”

“mrs.grey,don’tbecoy.”

reachingacrossthediningtable,igrasphishand,turnitover,andskimmy

indexfingeroverhispalm.“i’dlikeyoutotouchmewiththis.”irunmyfinger

uphisindexfinger.

heshiftsinhischair.“justthat?”hiseyesdarkenandheatatonce.

“maybethis?”irunmyfingeruphismiddlefingerandbacktohispalm.“and

this.”mynailtraceshisringfinger.“definitelythis.”myfingerstopsathis

weddingring.“thisisverysexy.”

“isit,now?”

“itsureis.itsaysthismanismine.”andiskimthesmallcallousthathas

alreadyformedonhispalmbeneaththering.heleansforwardandcupsmy

chinwithhisotherhand.

“mrs.grey,areyouseducingme?”

“ihopeso.”

“anastasia,i’magiven.”hisvoiceislow.“comehere.”hetugsmyhandso

thati’mpulledfrommyseatontohislap.“ilikeha一vingunfetteredaccessto

you.”herunsahandupmythightomybehind.hegraspsthenapeofmy

neckwithhisotherhandandkissesme,holdingmefirmlyinplace.

hetastesofwhitewineandapplepieandchristian.irunmyfingersthrough

hishair,holdinghimtomewhileourtonguesexploreandcurlandtwist

aroundeachother,mybloodheatinginmyveins.we’rebreathlesswhen

christianpullsaway.

“let’sgotobed,”hemurmursagainstmylips.

“bed?”

hepullsbackfurtherandtugsmyhairsoiamlookingupathim.

“wherewouldyouprefer,mrs.grey?”

365|page

fiftyshadesfreed

myinnergoddessstopsstuffingherfacewithtartetatin.ishrug,feigning

indifference.“surpriseme.”

hesmirks.“you’refeistythisevening.”herunshisnosealongmine.

“maybeineedtoberestrained.”

“maybeyoudo.you’regettingmightybossyinyouroldage.”henarrowshis

eyes,butcan’tdisguisethelatenthumorthere.

“whatareyougoingtodoaboutit?”ichallenge.

hiseyesglitter.“iknowwhati’dliketodoaboutit.dependsifyou’reuptoit.”

“oh,mr.grey,you’vebeenverygentlewithmetheselastcoupleofdays.i’m

notmadeofglass,youknow.”

“youdon’tlikegentle?”

“withyou,ofcourse.butyouknow...varietyisthespiceoflife.”

ibatmylashesathim.

“you’reaftersomethinglessgentle?”

“somethinglife-affirming.”

heraiseshisbrowsinsurprise.“life-affirming,”herepeats,astonished

humorinhisvoice.

inod.hegazesatmeforamoment.“don’tbiteyourlip,”hewhispersthen

risessuddenlywithmeinhisarms.igaspandgrabhisbiceps,fearfulthat

he’lldropme.hewalksovertothesmallestofthethreecouchesand

depositsmeontoit.

“waithere.don’tmove.”hegivesmeabriefhot,intenselookandturnson

hisheel,stalkingtowardthebedroom.oh...christianbarefoot.whyarehis

feetsohot?he’sbackafewmomentslater,takingmebysurpriseashe

leansovermefrombehind.

“ithinkwe’lldispensewiththis.”grabbingthehemofmyt-shirt,hedragsit

overmyhead,lea一vingmenakedexceptformypanties.hepullsmyponytail

backandkissesme.

“standup,”heordersagainstmylipsandreleasesme.icomply

immediately.helaysatoweloutonthesofa.

towel?

“takeyourpantiesoff.”

oh.iswallowbutdoasi’mtold,discardingthembythesofa.

“sit.”hegrabsmyponytailagainandpullsmyheadback.“you’lltellmeto

stopifthisgetstoomuch,yes?”

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eljames

inod.

“sayit.”hisvoiceisstern.

“yes,”isqueak.hesmirks.

“good.so,mrs.grey...bypopulardemand,i’mgoingtorestrainyou.”his

voicedropstoabreathlesswhisper.desirestreaksthroughmybodylike

lightning,simplyatthosewords.ohmysweetfifty—onthesofa?whatare

yougoingtodo?

“bringyourkneesup,”hecommandssoftly.“andsitrightback.”

irestmyfeetontheedgeofthesofa,mykneesupinfrontofme.hereaches

formyleftleg,andtakingthebeltfromoneofthebathroomrobes,heties

oneendabovemyknee.

“bathrobes?”

“i’mimprovising.”hesmirksagainandfastenstheslipknotabovemyknee

andtiestheotherendofthesoftbeltaroundthefinialatthebackcornerof

thesofa,effectivelypartingmylegs.

“don’tmove,”hewarnsandrepeatstheprocesswithmyrightleg,tyingthe

secondcordtotheotherfinial.

ohmy...iamsittingup,splayedoutonthesofa,legsspreadwide.

“okay?”christianaskssoftly,gazingdownatmefrombehindthesofa.

inod,expectinghimtotiemyhands,too.butherefrains.hebendsand

kissesme.

“youha一venoideahowhotyoulookrightnow,”hemurmursandrubshis

noseagainstmine.“changeofmusic,ithink.”hestandsandstrollscasually

overtotheipoddock.

howdoeshedothis?hereiam,trussedupandhornyashell,whilehe’sso

coolandcalm.he’sjustinmyfieldofvision,andiwatchtheflexandpullof

themusclesofhisbackunderhist-shirtashereachesdownandchanges

thesong.immediately,asweet,almostchildlikefemalevoicestartstosing

aboutwatchingme.

oh,ilikethissong.

christianturnsandgazesatme,hiseyeslockedonmineashemoves

aroundtothefrontofthesofaandsinksgracefullytohiskneesinfrontofme.

suddenly,ifeelveryexposed.

“exposed?vulnerable?”heaskswithhisuncannyabilitytovoicemy

unspokenwords.hishandsareonhisknees.inod.367|page

fiftyshadesfreed

whydoesn’thetouchme?

“good,”hemurmurs.“holdoutyourhands.”ican’tlookawayfromhis

mesmerizingeyes.idoasi’mbid,andchristianpoursalittleoilyliquidonto

eachpalmfromasmallclearbottle.it’sscented—arich,musky,sensuous

scentthatican’tplace.

“rubyourhands.”isquirmbeneathhishot,hea一vygaze.“keepstill,”he

warns.

ohmy.

“now,anastasia,iwantyoutotouchyourself.”

holycow.

“startatyourthroatandworkdown.”

ihesitate.

“don’tbeshy,ana.come.doit.”

thehumorandchallengeinhisexpressionisplaintoseealongwithhis

desire.

thesweetvoicesingsthatthere’snothingsweetabouther.iplacemyhands

againstmythroatandletthemslidedowntothetopofmybreasts.theoil

makesthemglideeffortlesslyovermyskin.myhandsarewarm.

“lower,”christianmurmurs,hiseyesdarkening.hedoesn’ttouchme.

myhandscupmybreasts.

“teaseyourself.”

ohmy.ituggentlyonmynipples.

“harder,”christianurges.hesitsimmobilebetweenmythighs,justwatching

me.“likeiwould,”headds,hiseyesshiningdarkly.mymusclesclenchdeep

inmybelly.igroaninresponseandpullharderonmynipples,feelingthem

stiffenandlengthenbeneathmytouch.

“yes.likethat.again.”

closingmyeyesipullhard,rollingandtwistingthembetweenmyfingers.i

moan.

“openyoureyes.”

iblinkupathim.

“again.iwanttoseeyou.seeyouenjoyyourtouch.”

ohfuck.irepeattheprocess.thisisso...erotic.

“hands.lower.”

isquirm.

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eljames

“keepstill,ana.absorbthepleasure.lower.”hisvoiceislowandhusky,

temptingandbeguilingatonce.

“youdoit,”iwhisper.

“oh,iwill—soon.you.lower.now.”christian,exudingsensuality,runshis

tonguealonghisteethholyfuck...iwrithe,pullingontherestraints.

heshakeshishead,slowly.“still.”herestshishandsonmyknees,holding

meinplace.“comeon,ana—lower.”

myhandsglideovermystomachdownovermybelly.

“lower,”hemouths,andheiscarnalitypersonified.

“christian,please.”

hishandsglidedownfrommyknees,skimmingmythighs,towardmysex.

“comeon,ana.touchyourself.”

mylefthandskimsovermysex,andirubinaslowcircle,mymouthanoasi

pant.

“again,”hewhispers.

igroanlouderandrepeatthemoveandtipmyheadback,gasping.

“again.”

imoanloudly,andchristianinhalessharply.grabbingmyhands,hebends

down,runninghisnosethenhistonguebackandforthattheapexofmy

thighs.

“ah!”

iwanttotouchhim,butwhenitrytomovemyhands,hisfingerstighten

aroundmywrists.

“i’llrestrainthese,too.keepstill.”

igroan.hereleasesmetheneaseshismiddletwofingersinsideme,the

heelofhishandrestingagainstmyclitoris.

“i’mgoingtomakeyoucomequickly,ana.ready?”

“yes,”ipant.

hestartstomovehisfingers,hishand,upanddown,rapidly,assaultingboth

thatsweetspotinsidemeandmyclitorisatthesametime.ah!thefeelingis

intense—reallyintense.pleasurebuildsandspikesthroughoutthelowerhalf

ofmybody.iwanttostretchmylegs,butican’t.myhandsclawatthetowel

beneathme.

“surrender,”christianwhispers.

iexplodearoundhisfingers,cryingoutincoherently.hepressesthe36一9|p

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fiftyshadesfreed

heelofhishandagainstmyclitorisastheaftershocksrunthroughmybody,

prolongingthedeliciousagony.

vaguely,i’mawarethathe’suntyingmylegs.

“myturn,”hemurmurs,andflipsmeoversoiamfacedownonthesofawith

mykneesonthefloor.hespreadsmylegsandslapsmehardacrossmy

behind.

“ah!”andinoneswiftmovewithnopreamblewhatsoever,he’sinsideme.

“oh,ana,”hehissesthroughclenchedteethashestartstomove.hisfingers

gripmehardaroundmyhipsashegrindsintomeoverandover.andi’m

buildingagain.no...ah...

“comeon,ana!”christianshouts,andishatteroncemore,pulsingaround

himandcryingoutasicome.

“life-affirmingenoughforyou?”christiankissesmyhair.

“oh,yes,”imurmur,gazingupattheceiling.iamlyingonmyhusband,my

backtohisfront,bothofusonthefloorbesidethesofa.he’sstilldressed.

“ithinkweshouldgoagain.noclothesforyouthistime.”

“christ,ana.giveamanachance.”

igiggleandhechuckles.“i’mgladray’sconscious.seemsallyour

appetitesareback,”hesays,notdisguisingthesmileinhisvoice.iturnover

andscowlathim.“areyouforgettingaboutlastnightandthismorning?”i

pout.

“nothingforgettableabouteitherofthose.”hegrins,andwhenhedoes,he

lookssoyoungandcarefreeandhappy.hecupsmybehind.

“youha一veafantasticass,mrs.grey.”

“sodoyou.”iarchabrowathim.“thoughyoursisstillundercover.”

“andwhatareyougoingtodoaboutthat,mrs.grey?”

“why,i’mgoingtoundressyou,mr.grey.allofyou.”

hegrins.

“andithinkthere’salotthat’ssweetaboutyou,”imurmur,referringtothe

songstillplayingonrepeat.hissmilefades.ohno.

“youare,”iwhisper.ileandownandkissthecornerofhismouth.370|pag

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hecloseshiseyesandtightenshisarmsaroundme.

“christian,youare.youmadethisweekendsospecial—inspiteofwhat

happenedtoray.thankyou.”

heopenshislarge,seriousgrayeyes,andhisexpressiontugsatmyheart.

“becauseiloveyou,”hemurmurs.

“iknow.iloveyou,too.”ireachupandcaresshisface.“andyou’reprecious

tome,too.youdoknowthat,don’tyou?”

hisstills,lookinglost.

oh,christian...mysweetfifty.

“believeme,”iwhisper.