“hewassorry.hewishedmeluck.askedifineededanymoney.”terrylaughedharshly.“money.thosearethefirstfivelettersofhisalphabet.isaidihadplenty.thenicalledsylvia’ssister.muchthesamestorythere.that’sall.”

“iwanttoaskthis,”isaid.“didyoueverfindherwithamaninthatguesthouse?”

heshookhishead.“inevertried.itwouldnothavebeendifficult.itneverhasbeen.”

“yourcoffee’sgettingcold.”

“idon’twantanymore.”

“lotsofmen,huh?butyouwentbackandmarriedheragain.irealizethatshe’squiteadish,butallthesame—”

“itoldyouiwasnogood.hell,whydidileaveherthefirsttime?whyafterthatdidigetstinkingeverytimeisawher?whydidirollinthegutterratherthanaskherformoney?she’sbeenmarriedfivetimes,notincludingme.anyoneofthemwouldgobackatthecrookofherfinger.andnotjustforamillionbucks.”

“she’squiteadish,”isaid.ilookedatmywatch.“justwhydoesithavetobetheten-fifteenattijuana?”

“there’salwaysspaceonthatflight.nobodyfromwantstorideadc-3overmountainswhenhecantakeaconnieandmakeitinsevenhourstomexicocity.andtheconniesdon’tstopwhereiwanttogo.”

istoodupandleanedagainstthesink.“nowlet’sadditupanddon’tinterruptme.youcametomethismorninginahighlyemotionalconditionandwantedtobedriventotijuanatocatchanearlyplane.youhadaguninyourpocket,butineedn’thaveseenit.youtoldmeyouhadstoodthingsaslongasyoucouldbutlastnightyoublewup.youfoundyourwifedeaddrunkandamanhadbeenwithher.yougotoutandwenttoaturkishbathtopassthetimeuntilmorningandyouphonedyourwife’stwoclosestrelativesandtoldthemwhatyouweredoing.whereyouwentwasnoneofmybusiness.youhadthenecessarydocumentstoentermexico.howyouwentwasnoneofmybusinesseither.wearefriendsandididwhatyouaskedmewithoutmuchthought.whywouldn’ti?you’renotpayingmeanything.youhadyourcarbutyoufelttooupsettodriveyourself.that’syourbusinesstoo.you’reanemotionalguyandyougotyourselfabadwoundinthewar.ithinkioughttopickupyourcarandshoveitinagaragesomewhereforstorage.”

hereachedintohisclothesandpushedaleatherkeyholderacrossthetable.

“howdoesitsound?”heasked.

“dependswho’slistening.ihaven’tfinished.youtooknothingbuttheclothesyoustoodupinandsomemoneyyouhadfromyourfather-inlaw.youlefteverythingshehadgivenyouincludingthatbeautifulpieceofmachineryyouparkedatlabreaandfountain.youwantedtogoawayascleanasitwaspossibleforyoutogoandstillgo.allright.i’llbuyit.nowishaveandgetdressed.”

“whyareyoudoingit,marlowe?”

“buyyourselfadrinkwhileishave.”

iwalkedoutandlefthimsittingtherehunchedinthecornerofthenook.hestillhadhishatandlighttopcoaton.buthelookedalotmorealive.

iwentintothebathroomandshaved.iwasbackinthebedroomknottingmytiewhenhecameandstoodinthedoorway.“iwashedthecupsjustincase,”hesaid.“butigotthinking.maybeitwouldbebetterifyoucalledthepolice.”

“callthemyourself.ihaven’tanythingtotellthem.”

“youwantmeto?”

iturnedaroundsharplyandgavehimahardstare.“goddamnit!”ialmostyelledathim.“can’tyouforchrissakejustleaveitlay?”

“i’msorry.”

“sureyou’resorry.guyslikeyouarealwayssorry,andalwaystoolate.”

heturnedandwalkedbackalongthehalltothelivingroom.

ifinisheddressingandlockedupthebackpartofthehouse.whenigottothelivingroomhehadfallenasleepinachair,hisheadononeside,hisfacedrainedofcolor,hiswholebodyslackwithexhaustion.helookedpitiful.whenitouchedhisshoulderhecameawakeslowlyasifitwasalongwayfromwherehewastowhereiwas.

whenihadhisattentionisaid,“whataboutasuitcase?istillgotthatwhitepigskinjobonthetopshelfinmycloset.”

“it’sempty,”hesaidwithoutinterest.“alsoit’stooconspicuous.”

“you’dbemoreconspicuouswithoutanybaggage.”

iwalkedbacktothebedroomandstooduponthestepsintheclothesclosetandpulledthewhitepigskinjobdownoffthehighshelf.thesquareceilingtrapwasrightovermyhead,soipushedthatupandreachedinasfarasicouldanddroppedhisleatherkeyholderbehindoneofthedustytiebeamsorwhatevertheywere.

iclimbeddownwiththesuitcase,dusteditoff,andshovedsomethingsintoit,apairofpajamasneverworn,toothpaste,anextratoothbrush,acoupleofcheaptowelsandwashcloths,apackageofcottonhandkerchiefs,afifteen-centtubeofshavingcream,andoneoftherazorstheygiveawaywithapackageofblades.nothingused,nothingmarked,nothingconspicuous,exceptthathisownstuffwouldbebetter.iaddedapintofbourbonstillinitswrappingpaper.ilockedthesuitcaseandleftthekeyinoneofthelocksandcarrieditupfront.hehadgonetosleepagain.iopenedthedoorwithoutwakinghimandcarriedthesuitcasedowntothegarageandputitintheconvertiblebehindthefrontseat.igotthecaroutandlockedthegarageandwentbackupthestepstowakehim.ifinishedlockingupandweleft.

idrovefastbutnotfastenoughtogettagged.wehardlyspokeonthewaydown.wedidn’tstoptoeateither.therewasn’tthatmuchtime.

theborderpeoplehadnothingtosaytous.uponthewindymesawherethetijuanaairportisiparkedclosetotheofficeandjustsatwhileterrygothisticket.thepropellersofthedc-3werealreadyturningoverslowly,justenoughtokeepwarm.atalldreamboatofapilotinagrayuniformwaschattingwithagroupoffourpeople.onewasaboutsixfeetfourandcarriedaguncase.therewasagirlinslacksbesidehim,andasmallishmiddle-agedmanandagray-hairedwomansotallthatshemadehimlookpuny.threeorfourobviousmexicanswerestandingaroundaswell.thatseemedtobetheload.thestepswereatthedoorbutnobodyseemedanxioustogetin.thenamexicanflightstewardcamedownthestepsandstoodwaiting.theredidn’tseemtobeanyloudspeakerequipment.themexicansclimbedintotheplanebutthepilotwasstillchattingwiththeamericans.

therewasabigpackardparkednexttome.igotoutandtookaganderatthelicenseonthepost.maybesomedayi’lllearntomindmyownbusiness.asipulledmyheadoutisawthetallwomanstaringinmydirection.

thenterrycameacrossthedustygravel.

“i’mallset,”hesaid.“thisiswhereisaygoodbye.”

heputhishandout.ishookit.helookedprettygoodnow,justtired,justtiredasallhell.

iliftedthepigskinsuitcaseoutoftheoldsandputitdownonthegravel.hestaredatitangrily.

“itoldyouididn’twantit,”hesaidsnappishly.

“there’sanicepintofhoochinit,terry.alsosomepajamasandstuff.andit’sallanonymous.ifyoudon’twantit,checkit.orthrowitaway.”

“ihavereasons,”hesaidstiffly.

“sohavei.”

hesmiledsuddenly.hepickedupthesuitcaseandsqueezedmyarmwithhisfreehand.“okay,pal.you’retheboss.andremember,ifthingsgettough,youhaveablankcheck.youdon’towemeathing.wehadafewdrinkstogetherandgottobefriendlyanditalkedtoomuchaboutme.ileftfivecnotesinyourcoffeecan.don’tbesoreatme.”

“i’dratheryouhadn’t.”

“i’llneverspendhalfofwhatihave.”

“goodluck,terry.”

thetwoamericansweregoingupthestepsintotheplane.asquattyguywithawidedarkfacecameoutofthedooroftheofficebuildingandwavedandpointed.

“climbaboard,”isaid.“iknowyoudidn’tkillher.that’swhyi’mhere.”

hebracedhimself.hiswholebodygotstiff.heturnedslowly,thenlookedback.

“i’msorry,”hesaidquietly.“butyou’rewrongaboutthat.i’mgoingtowalkquiteslowlytotheplane.youhaveplentyoftimetostopme.”

hewalked.iwatchedhim.theguyinthedoorwayoftheofficewaswaiting,butnottooimpatient.mexicansseldomare.hereacheddownandpattedthepigskinsuitcaseandgrinnedatterry.thenhestoodasideandterrywentthroughthedoor.inalittlewhileterrycameoutthroughthedoorontheotherside,wherethecustomspeoplearewhenyou’recomingin.hewalked,stillslowly,acrossthegraveltothesteps.hestoppedthereandlookedtowardsme.hedidn’tsignalorwave.neitherdidi.thenhewentupintotheplane,andthestepswerepulledback.

igotintotheoldsandstarteditandbackedandturnedandmovedhalfwayacrosstheparkingspace.thetallwomanandtheshortmanwerestilloutonthefield.thewomanhadahandkerchiefouttowave.theplanebegantotaxidowntotheendofthefieldraisingplentyofdust.itturnedatthefarendandthemotorsrevvedupinathunderingroar.itbegantomoveforwardpickingupspeedslowly.

thedustroseincloudsbehindit.thenitwasairborne.iwatcheditliftslowlyintothegustyairandfadeoffintothenakedblueskytothesoutheast.

thenileft.nobodyatthebordergatelookedatmeasifmyfacemeantasmuchasthehandsonaclock.