“youdon’tseemtoha一veanyregardforyourpersonalsafety.andit’snotjust

younow,”headdsangrily.

myliptrembles.he’sthinkingaboutourlittleblip.thedooropens,startling

usboth,andayoungafrican-americanwomaninawhitecoatovergray

scrubsstridesin.

“goodevening,mrs.grey.i’mdr.bartley.”

shestartstoexaminemethoroughly,shiningalightinmyeyes,makingme

touchherfingers,thenmynosewhileclosingfirstoneeyeandthentheother,

andcheckingallmyreflexes.buthervoiceissoftandhertouchgentle;she

hasawarmbedsidemanner.nursenorajoinsher,andchristianwandersto

thecorneroftheroomandmakessomecallswhilethetwoofthemtendto

me.it’shardtoconcentrateondr.bartley,nursenora,andchristianatthe

sametime,butihearhimcallhisfather,mymother,andkatetosayi’m

awake.finally,helea一vesamessageforray.

ray.ohshit...avaguememoryofhisvoicecomesbacktome.hewas

here—yes,whileiwasstillunconscious.

dr.bartleychecksmyribs,herfingersprobinggentlybutfirmly.iwince.

“thesearebruised,notcrackedorbroken.youwereverylucky,437|pag

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mrs.grey.”

iscowl.lucky?notthewordiwouldha一vechosen.christianglowersather,

too.hemouthssomethingatme.ithinkit’sfoolhardy,buti’mnotsure.

“i’llprescribesomepainkillers.you’llneedthemforthisandfortheheadache

youmustha一ve.butall’slookingasitshould,mrs.grey.isuggestyouget

somesleep.dependingonhowyoufeelinthemorning,wemayletyougo

home.mycolleaguedr.singhwillbeattendingyouthen.”

“thankyou.”

there’saknockonthedoor,andtaylorentersbearingablackcardboard

boxwithfairmontolympicemblazonedincreamontheside.

holycow!

“food?”dr.bartleysayssurprised.

“mrs.greyishungry,”christiansays.“thisischickensoup.”

dr.bartleysmiles.“soupwillbefine,justthebroth.nothinghea一vy.”she

lookspointedlyatbothofusthenexitstheroomwithnursenora.

christianpullsthewheeledtrayovertome,andtaylorplacestheboxonit.

“welcomeback,mrs.grey.”

“hello,taylor.thankyou.”

“you’remostwelcome,ma’am.”ithinkhewantstosaymore,butheholdsoff.

christianisunpackingthebox,producingathermos,soupbowl,sideplate,

linennapkin,soupspoon,asmallbasketofbreadrolls,silversaltandpepper

shakers...theolympichasgoneall-out.

“thisisgreat,taylor.”mystomachisrumbling.iamfamished.

“willthatbeall?”heasks.

“yes,thanks,”christiansays,dismissinghim.

taylornods.

“taylor,thankyou.”

“anythingelseicangetyou,mrs.grey?”

iglanceatchristian.“justsomecleanclothesforchristian.”

taylorsmiles.“yes,ma’am.”

christianglancesdownathisshirt,bemused.

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“howlongha一veyoubeenwearingthatshirt?”iask.

“sincethursdaymorning.”hegivesmeacrookedsmile.taylorexits.

“taylor’srealpissedatyou,too,”christianaddsgrumpily,unscrewingthelid

ofthethermosandpouringcreamychickensoupintothebowl.

taylor,too!butidon’tdwellonthatasmychickensoupdistractsme.it

smellsdelicious,andsteamcurlsinvitinglyfromitssurface.itakeatasteand

it’severythingitpromisedtobe.

“good?”christianasks,perchingonthebedagain.

inodenthusiasticallyanddon’tstop.myhungerisprimal.ipauseonlyto

wipemymouthonthelinennapkin.

“tellmewhathappened—afteryourealizedwhatwasgoingon.”

christianrunshishandthroughhishairandshakeshishead.“oh,ana,it’s

goodtoseeyoueat.”

“i’mhungry.tellme.”

hefrowns.“well,afterthebankcalledandithoughtmyworldhadcompletely

fallenapart—”hecan’thidethepaininhisvoice.istopeating.ohshit.

“don’tstopeating,ori’llstoptalking,”hewhispers,histoneadamantashe

glaresatme.icontinuewithmysoup.okay,okay...damn,ittastesgood.

christian’sgazesoftensandafterabeat,heresumes.

“anyway,shortlyafteryouandihadfinishedourconversation,taylor

informedmethathydehadbeengrantedbail.how,idon’tknow,ithought

we’dmanagedtothwartanyattemptsatbail.butthatga一vemeamomentto

thinkaboutwhatyou’dsaid...andiknewsomethingwasseriouslywrong.”

“itwasneveraboutthemoney,”isnapsuddenly,anunexpectedsurgeof

angerflaringinmybelly.myvoicerises.“howcouldyoueventhinkthat?it’s

neverbeenaboutyourfuckingmoney!”myheadstartstopoundandiwince.

christiangapesatmeforasplitsecond,surprisedbymyvehemence.he

narrowshiseyes.

“mindyourlanguage,”hegrowls.“calmdownandeat.”

iglaremutinouslyathim.

“ana,”hewarns.

“thathurtmemorethananything,christian,”iwhisper.“almostas439|pa

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fiftyshadesfreed

muchasyouseeingthatwoman.”

heinhalessharplyasifi’veslappedhimandallofasudden,helooks

exhausted.closinghiseyesbriefly,heshakeshishead,resigned.

“iknow.”hesighs.“andi’msorry.morethanyouknow.”hiseyesare

luminouswithcontrition.“please,eat.whileyoursoupisstillhot.”hisvoice

issoftandcompelling,andidoasheasks.hebreathesasighofrelief.

“goon,”iwhisper,betweenbitesoftheillicitfreshwhitebreadroll.

“wedidn’tknowmiawasmissing.ithoughtmaybehewasblackmailingyou

orsomething.icalledyouback,butyoudidn’tanswer.”hescowls.“ileftyou

amessagethencalledsawyer.taylorstartedtrackingyourcell.iknewyou

wereatthebank,soweheadedstraightthere.”

“idon’tknowhowsawyerfoundme.washetrackingmycell,too?”

“thesaabisfittedwithatrackingdevice.allourcarsare.bythetimewegot

nearthebank,youwerealreadyonthemove,andwefollowed.whyareyou

smiling?”

“onsomeleveliknewyou’dbestalkingme.”

“andthatisamusingbecause?”heasks.

“jackhadinstructedmetogetridofmycell.soiborrowedwhelan’scell,

andthat’stheoneithrewaway.iputmineintooneofthedufflebagssoyou

couldtrackyourmoney.”

christiansighs.“ourmoney,ana,”hesaysquietly.“eat.”

iwipemysoupbowlwiththelastofmybreadandpopitintomymouth.for

thefirsttimeinalongwhile,ifeelrepleteinspiteofourconversation.

“finished.”

“goodgirl.”

there’saknockonthedoorandnursenoraentersoncemore,carryinga

smallpapercup.christianclearsawaymyplate,andstartsputtingallthe

itemsbackintothebox.

“painrelief.”norasmiles,showingmethewhitepillinthepapercup.

“isthisokaytotake?youknow—withthebaby?”

“yes,mrs.grey.it’slortab—it’sfine;itwon’taffectthebaby.”

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inodgratefully.myheadispounding.iswallowitdownwithasipofwater.

“yououghttorest,mrs.grey.”nursenoralookspointedlyatchristian.

henods.

no!“you’regoing?”iexclaim,panicsettingin.don’tgo—we’vejuststarted

talking!

christiansnorts.“ifyouthinkforonemomenti’mgoingtoletyououtofmy

sight,mrs.grey,youareverymuchmistaken.”

norahuffsbuthoversovermeandreadjustsmypillowssothatiha一vetolie

down.

“goodnight,mrs.grey,”shesays,andwithonelastcensoriousglanceat

christian,shelea一ves.

heraisesaneyebrowassheclosesthedoor.

“idon’tthinknursenoraapprovesofme.”

hestandsbythebed,lookingtired,andinspiteofthefactthatiwanthimto

stay,iknowishouldtrytopersuadehimtogohome.

“youneedrest,too,christian.gohome.youlookexhausted.”

“i’mnotlea一vingyou.i’lldozeinthisarmchair.”

iscowlathimthenshiftontomyside.

“sleepwithme.”

hefrowns.“no.ican’t.”

“whynot?”

“idon’twanttohurtyou.”

“youwon’thurtme.please,christian.”

“youha一veaniv.”

“christian.please.”

hegazesatme,andicantellhe’stempted.

“please.”iliftuptheblankets,invitinghimintothebed.

“fuckit.”heslipsoffhisshoesandsocks,andgingerlyclimbsinbesideme.

gently,hewrapshisarmaroundme,andilaymyheadonhischest.he

kissesmyhair.

“idon’tthinknursenorawillbeveryhappywiththisarrangement,”he

whispersconspiratorially.

igiggle,thenstopaspainlancesthroughmychest.

“don’tmakemelaugh.ithurts.”

“oh,butilovethatsound,”hesaysalittlesadly,hisvoicelow.441|page

fiftyshadesfreed

“i’msorry,baby,so,sosorry.”hekissesmyhairagainandinhalesdeeply,

andidon’tknowwhathe’sapologizingfor...makingmelaugh?orthe

messwe’rein?irestmyhandoverhisheart,andhegentlyplaceshishand

onmine.wearebothsilentforamoment.

“whydidyougoseethatwoman?”

“oh,ana.”hegroans.“youwanttodiscussthatnow?can’twedropthis?i

regretit,okay?”

“ineedtoknow.”

“i’lltellyoutomorrow,”hemutters,irritated.“oh,anddetectiveclarkwantsto

talktoyou.justroutine.nowgotosleep.”

hekissesmyhair.isighhea一vily.ineedtoknowwhy.atleasthesayshe

regretsit.that’ssomething,mysubconsciousagrees.she’sinanagreeable

moodtoday,itseems.ugh,detectiveclark.ishudderatthethoughtof

relivingthursday’seventsforhim.

“doweknowwhyjackwasdoingallthis?”

“hmm,”christianmurmurs.i’msoothedbytheslowriseandfallofhischest,

gentlyrockingmyhead,lullingmetosleepashisbreathingslows.andasi

driftitrytomakesenseofthefragmentsofconversationsiheardwhileiwas

ontheedgeofconsciousness,buttheyslitherthroughmymind,remaining

steadfastlyelusive,tauntingmefromtheedgesofmymemory.oh,it’s

frustratingandexhausting...and...

nursenora’smouthispursedandherarmsfoldedinhostility.iholdmy

fingeruptomylips.

“pleaselethimsleep,”iwhisper,squintingintheearlymorninglight.

“thisisyourbed.nothis,”shehissessternly.

“isleptbetterbecausehewashere.”iinsist,rushingtomyhusband’s

defense.besides,it’strue.christianstirs,andnursenoraandifreeze.

hemumblesinhissleep,“don’ttouchme.nomore.onlyana.”

ifrown.iha一verarelyheardchristiantalkinhissleep.admittedly,thatmight

bebecausehesleepslessthanido.i’veonlyeverheardhisnightmares.his

armstightenaroundme,squeezingme,andiwince.

“mrs.grey—”nursenoraglowers.

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eljames

“please,”ibeg.

sheshakesherhead,turnsonherheelandlea一ves,andisnuggleupagainst

christianagain.

wheniwake,christianisnowheretobeseen.thesunisblazingthroughthe

windows,andicannowreallyappreciatetheroom.iha一veflowers!ididn’t

noticethemthenightbefore.severalbouquets.iwonderidlywhothey’re

from.

asoftknockdistractsme,andcarrickpeeksaroundthedoor.hebeams

whenheseesthati’mawake.

“mayicomein?”heasks.

“ofcourse.”

hestridesintotheroomandovertome,hissoft,gentleblueeyesassessing

meshrewdly.he’swearingadarksuit—hemustbeworking.hesurprises

mebyleaningdownandkissingmyforehead.

“mayisit?”

inod,andheperchesontheedgeofthebedandtakesmyhand.

“idon’tknowhowtothankyouformydaughter,youcrazy,bra一ve,darlinggirl.

whatyoudidprobablysa一vedherlife.iwillbeforeverinyourdeb一t.”hisvoice

wa一vers,filledwithgratitudeandcompassion.oh...idon’tknowwhattosay.

isqueezehishandbutremainmute.

“howareyoufeeling?”

“better.sore.”iadd,forhonesty’ssake.

“ha一vetheygivenyoumedsforthepain?”

“lor...something.”

“good.where’schristian?”

“idon’tknow.wheniwokeup,hewasgone.”

“hewon’tbefaraway,i’msure.hewouldn’tlea一veyouwhileyouwere

unconscious.”

“iknow.”

“he’salittlemadatyou,asheshouldbe.”carricksmirks.ah,thisiswhere

christiangetsitfrom.

“christianisalwaysmadatme.”

“ishe?”carricksmiles,pleased—asifthisisagoodthing.hissmileis

infectious.

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fiftyshadesfreed

“how’smia?”

hiseyescloudandhissmilevanishes.“she’sbetter.madashell.ithink

angerisahealthyreactiontowhathappenedtoher.”

“isshehere?”

“no,she’sbackathome.idon’tthinkgracewillletheroutofhersight.”

“iknowhowthatfeels.”

“youneedwatching,too,”headmonishes.“idon’twantyoutakinganymore

sillyriskswithyourlifeorthelifeofmygrandchild.”

iflush.heknows!

“gracereadyourchart.shetoldme.congratulations.”

“um...thankyou.”

hegazesdownatme,andhiseyessoften,thoughhefrownsatmy

expression.

“christianwillcomearound,”hesaysgently.“thiswillbethebestthingfor

him.just...givehimsometime.”

inod.oh...they’vespoken.

“i’dbettergo.i’mdueincourt.”hesmilesandrises.“i’llcheckinonyoulater.

gracespeakshighlyofdr.singhanddr.bartley.theyknowwhatthey’re

doing.”

heleansdownandkissesmeoncemore.

“imeanit,ana.icanneverrepaywhatyou’vedoneforus.thankyou.”

ilookupathim,blinkingbacktears,suddenlyoverwhelmed,andhestrokes

mycheekaffectionately.thenheturnsonhisheelsandlea一ves.ohmy.i’m

reelingfromhisgratitude.perhapsnowicanlettheprenupdebaclego.my

subconsciousnodssagely,inagreementwithmeyetagain.ishakemyhead

andgingerlygetoutofbed.i’mrelievedtofindthatiammuchsteadieronmy

feetthanyesterday.inspiteofchristiansharingthebed,iha一vesleptwelland

feelrefreshed.myheadstillaches,butit’sadullnaggingpain,nothinglike

thepoundingyesterday.i’mstiffandsore,butijustneedabath.ifeelgrimy.i

headintotheensuite.

“ana!”christianshouts.

“i’minthebathroom,”icallasifinishbrushingmyteeth.that444|page

eljames

feelsbetter.iignoremyreflectioninthemirror.jeez,ilookamess.wheni

openthedoor,christianisbythebed,holdingatrayoffood.he’s

transformed.dressedentirelyinblack,he’ssha一ved,showered,andlooks

wellrested.

“goodmorning,mrs.grey,”hesaysbrightly.“iha一veyourbreakfast.”helooks

soboyishandmuchhappier.

wow.ismilebroadlyathimasiclimbbackintobed.hepullsoverthetrayon

wheelsandliftsthecovertorevealmybreakfast:oatmealwithdriedfruits,

pancakeswithbaconandmaplesyrup,orangejuiceandtwiningsbreakfast

tea.mymouthwaters;i’msohungry.idowntheorangejuiceinafewgulps

anddigintotheoatmeal.christiansitsdownontheedgeofthebedto

watch.hesmirksatme.

“what?”iaskwithmymouthfull.

“iliketowatchyoueat,”hesays.butidon’tthinkthat’swhathe’ssmirking

about.“howareyoufeeling?”

“better,”imutterbetweenmouthfuls.

“i’veneverseenyoueatlikethis.”

iglanceupathim,andmyheartsinks.weha一vetoaddresstheverytiny

elephantintheroom.

“it’sbecausei’mpregnant,christian.”

hesnorts,andhismouthtwistsintoanironicsmile.“ifiknewgettingyou

knockedupwasgoingtomakeyoueat,imightha一vedoneitearlier.”

“christiangrey!”igaspandsettheoatmealdown.

“don’tstopeating,”hewarns.

“christian,weneedtotalkaboutthis.”

hestills.“what’stheretosay?we’regoingtobeparents.”heshrugs,

desperatelytryingtolooknonchalant,butallicanseeishisfear.pushingthe

trayaside,icrawldownthebedtohimandtakehishandsinmine.

“you’rescared,”iwhisper.“igetit.”

hegazesatme,impassive,hiseyeswideandallhisearlierboyishness

strippedaway.

“iam,too.that’snormal,”iwhisper.

“whatkindoffathercouldipossiblybe?”hisvoiceishoarse,barelyaudible.

“oh,christian.”istifleasob.“onethattrieshisbest.that’sallany445|pa

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fiftyshadesfreed

ofuscando.”

“ana—idon’tknowifican...”

“ofcourseyoucan.you’reloving,you’refun,you’restrong,you’llset

boundaries.ourchildwillwantfornothing.”

he’sfrozen,staringatme,doub一tetchedonhisbeautifulface.icontinue.

“yes,itwouldha一vebeenidealtoha一vewaited.toha一velonger,justthetwoof

us.butwe’llbethreeofus,andwe’llallgrowuptogether.we’llbeafamily.

ourownfamily.andyourchildwillloveyouunconditionally,likeido.”tears

springtomyeyes.

“oh,ana,”christianwhispers,hisvoiceanguishedandpained.“ithoughti’d

lostyou.thenithoughti’dlostyouagain.seeingyoulyingontheground,

paleandcoldandunconscious—itwasallmyworstfearsrealized.andnow

hereyouare—bra一veandstrong...givingmehope.lovingmeafterallthat

i’vedone.”

“yes,idoloveyou,christian,desperately.ialwayswill.”

gentlytakingmyheadbetweenhishands,hewipesmytearsawaywithhis

thumbs.hegazesintomyeyes,graytoblue,andalliseeishisfearand

wonderandlove.

“iloveyou,too,”hebreathes.andhebendsandkissesmesweetly,tenderly

likeamanwhoadoreshiswife.

“i’lltrytobeagoodfather,”hewhispersagainstmylips.

“you’lltry,andyou’llsucceed.andlet’sfaceit;youdon’tha一vemuchchoicein

thematter,becauseblipandiarenotgoinganywhere.”

“blip?”

“blip.”

heraiseshiseyebrows.“ihadthenamejuniorinmyhead.”

“junioritis,then.”

“butilikeblip.”hesmileshisshysmileandkissesmeoncemore.

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