chapterfifteen

iamtoowarm.christianwarm.hisheadisonmyshoulder,andhe’s

breathingsoftlyonmyneckwhilehesleeps,hislegsthreadedthroughmine,

hisarmaroundmywaist.ilingerontheedgeofconsciousness,awarethatif

iwakefullyi’llwakehim,too,andhedoesn’tsleepenough.hazilymymind

wandersthroughtheeventsofyesterdayevening.idranktoomuch—boydid

idrinktoomuch.i’mamazedchristianletme.ismileasirememberhim

puttingmetobed.thatwassweet,realsweet,andunexpected.iconducta

quickmentalinventoryofhowi’mfeeling.stomach?fine.head?

surprisingly,fine,butfuzzy.mypalmisstillredfromlastnight.sheesh.idlyi

thinkaboutchristian’spalmswhenhe’sspankedme.isquirmandhe

wakes.

“what’swrong?”sleepygrayeyessearchmine.

“nothing.goodmorning.”irunthefingersofmyuninjuredhandthroughhis

hair.

“mrs.grey,youlooklovelythismorning,”hesays,kissingmycheek,andi

lightupfromwithin.

“thankyoufortakingcareofmelastnight.”

“iliketakingcareofyou.it’swhatiwanttodo,”hesaysquietly,buthiseyes

betrayhimastriumphflaresintheirgraydepths.it’slikehe’swontheworld

seriesorthesuperbowl.

oh,myfifty.

“youmakemefeelcherished.”

“that’sbecauseyouare,”hemurmursandmyheartclenches.hereachesup

toclaspmyhand.

iwince.christianreleasesmeimmediately,alarmed.“thepunch?”

heasks.hiseyesfrostashescrutinizesmine,andhisvoiceislacedwith

suddenanger.

“islappedhim.ididn’tpunchhim.”

“thatfucker!”

ithoughtwe’ddealtwiththislastnight.

“ican’tbearthathetouchedyou.”

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fiftyshadesfreed

“hedidn’thurtme,hewasjustinappropriate.christian,i’mokay.myhand’s

alittlered,that’sall.surelyyouknowwhatthat’slike?”ismirk,andhis

expressionchangestooneofamusedsurprise.

“why,mrs.grey,iamveryfamiliarwiththat.”hislipstwistinamusement.“i

couldreacquaintmyselfwiththatfeelingthisminute,shouldyousowish.”

“oh,stowyourtwitchingpalm,mr.grey.”istrokehisfacewiththeinjured

hand,myfingerscaressinghissideburn.gentlyitugthelittlehairs.it

distractshim,andhetakesmyhandandplantsatenderkissinmypalm.

miraculously,thepaindisappears.

“whydidn’tyoutellmethishurtlastnight?”

“um...ididn’treallyfeelitlastnight.it’sokaynow.”

hiseyessoftenandhismouthtwists.“howareyoufeeling?”

“betterthanideserve.”

“that’squitearightarmyouha一vethere,mrs.grey.”

“you’ddowelltorememberthat,mr.grey.”

“ohreally?”herollssuddenlysothathe’sfullyontopofme,pressingmeinto

themattress,holdingmywristsabovemyhead.hegazesdownatme.

“i’dfightyouanyday,mrs.grey.infact,subduingyouinbedisafantasyof

mine.”hekissesmythroat.

what?

“ithoughtyousubduedmeallthetime.”igaspashenibblesmyearlobe.

“hmm...buti’dlikesomeresistance,”hemurmurs,hisnoseskirtingmyjaw.

resistance?istill.hestops,releasingmyhands,andleansuponhis

elbows.

“youwantmetofightyou?here?”iwhisper,tryingtocontainmysurprise.

okay—myshock.henods,hiseyeshoodedbutwaryashegaugesmy

reaction.

“now?”

heshrugs,andiseetheideaflitthroughhismind.hegivesmehisshysmile

andnodsagain,slowly.

ohmy...he’stensed,lyingontopofme,hisgrowingerectiondigging

tantalizinglyintomysoft,willingflesh,distractingme.what’sthisabout?

brawling?fantasy?willhehurtme?myinnergoddess290|page

eljames

shakesherhead—never.she’sgotherkaratesuitonandshe’slimbering

up.claudewouldbepleased.

“isthiswhatyoumeantaboutcomingtobedangry?”

henodsoncemore,hiseyesstillwary.

hmm...myfiftywantstorumble.

“don’tbiteyourlip,”hewarns.

compliantly,ireleasemylip.“ithinkyouha一vemeatadisadvantage,mr.

grey.”ibatmylashesandsquirmprovocativelybeneathhim.thiscouldbe

fun.

“disadvantage?”

“surelyyou’vealreadygotmewhereyouwantme?”

hesmirksandpresseshisgroinintomineoncemore.

“goodpointwellmade,mrs.grey,”hewhispersandquicklykissesmylips.

abruptlyheshiftsandtakesmewithhim,rollingoversoi’mstraddlinghim.i

grabhishands,pinningthemtothesideofhishead,andignorethe

protestingachefrommyhand.myhairfallsinachestnutveilaroundus,andi

movemyheadsothatthestrandsticklehisface.hejerkshisfaceawaybut

doesn’ttrytostopme.

“so,youwanttoplayrough?”iask,skimmingmycrotchoverhis.hismouth

opensandheinhalessharply.

“yes.”hehisses,andireleasehim.

“wait.”ireachoverfortheglassofwaterbesidethebed.christianmust

ha一veleftithere.it’scoolandsparkling—toocooltoha一vebeensittingherefor

long.briefly,iwonderwhenhecametobed.asitakealongdraught,

christianreachesforwardandrunshishandsupfrommyknees.hisfingers

trailinsmallcirclesovermythighs,lea一vingtinglingskinintheirwakeasthey

tra一veltomynakedbehind.hecupsandsqueezesme.hmm.takingaleaf

fromhisimpressiverepertoire,ileanforwardandkisshim,pouringclear

coolwaterintohismouth.hedrinks.

“verytasty,mrs.grey,”hemurmursandgrinsupatme,boyishandplayful.

placingtheglassbackonthebedsidetable,ithenremovehishandsfrom

mybacksideandpinthembyhisheadoncemore.

“soi’msupposedtobeunwilling?”ismirk.

“yes.”

“i’mnotmuchofanactress.”

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fiftyshadesfreed

hegrins.“try.”

ileandownandkisshimchastely.“okay,i’llplay,”iwhisper,trailingmyteeth

alonghisjaw,feelinghispricklystubblebeneathmyteethandmytongue.

christianmakesalow,sexysoundinhisthroatandmoves,tossingmeonto

thebedbesidehim.icryoutinsurprise,thenhe’sontopofme,andistartto

struggleashemakesagrabformyhands.roughly,iplacemyhandsonhis

chest,pushingwithallmymight,tryingtoshifthim,whileheendea一vorstopry

mylegsapartwithhisknee.icontinuepushingathischest—jeezhe’s

hea一vy—buthedoesn’tflinch,doesn’tfreezeasheoncemightha一ve.he’s

enjoyingthis!heattemptstograbmywrists,andfinallycapturesone,

despitemyvaliantattemptstotwistitfree.it’smysorehand,soisurrenderit

tohim,butgrabhishairwithmyotherhandandpullhard.

“ah!”heyankshisheadfreeandgazesdownatme,hiseyeswildand

carnal.

“sa一vage,”hewhispers,hisvoicelacedwithsalaciousdelight.inresponseto

thisonewhisperedwordmylibidoexplodes,andistopacting.againi

struggleinvaintowrestmyhandoutofhishold.atthesametimeitryto

hookmyanklestogether,andattempttobuckhimoffme.he’stoohea一vy.

gah—it’sfrustratingandhot.withagroan,christiancapturesmyother

hand.heholdsbothmywristsinhislefthand,andhisrighttra一velsleisurely—

insolently,almost—downmybody,fondlingandfeelingasitgoes,tweaking

mynippleontheway.

iyelpinresponse,pleasurespikingshort,sharp,andhotfrommynippleto

mygroin.imakeanotherfruitlessattempttobuckhimoff,buthe’sjusttooon

me.

whenhetriestokissmeijerkmyheadtothesidesohecan’t.promptlyhis

insolenthandmovesfromthehemofmyt-shirtuptomychin,holdingmein

placeasherunshisteethalongmyjaw,mirroringwhatididtohimearlier.

“oh,baby,fightme,”hemurmurs.

itwistandwrithe,tryingtofreemyselffromhismercilesshold,butit’s

hopeless.he’smuchstrongerthanme.he’sgentlybitingatmylowerlipas

histonguetriestoinvademymouth.andirealizeidon’twanttoresisthim.i

wanthim—iwanthimnow,likeialwaysdo.i292|page

eljames

stopfightingandferventlyreturnhiskiss.idon’tcarethatiha一ven’tbrushed

myteeth.idon’tcarethatwe’resupposedtobeplayingsomegame.desire

hotandhardsurgesthroughmybloodstream,andi’mlost,losttohim.

unhookingmyankles,iwrapmylegsaroundhishipsandusemyheelsto

pushhispajamasdownoverhisbehind.

“ana,”hebreathes,andhekissesmeeverywhere.andwe’renolonger

wrestling,butquickandurgent,allhandsandtonguesandtouchandtaste.

“skin,”hemurmurshoarsely,hisbreathinglabored.hedragsmeupand

dragsoffmyt-shirtinoneswiftmove.

“you,”iwhisperwhilei’mupright,becauseit’sallicanthinkoftosay.iseize

thefronthispajamasandyankthemdown,freeinghiserection.igraband

squeezehim.he’shard.theairwhistlesthroughhisteethasheinhales

sharply,andirevelinhisresponse.

“fuck,”hemurmurs.heleansback,liftingmythighs,tippingmedownonto

thebedasipullandsqueezehimtightly,runningmyhandupanddownhim.

feelingabeadofmoistureonhistip,iswirlitaroundwithmythumb.ashe

lowersmetothemattress,islipmythumbinmymouthtotastehimwhilehis

handstra一velupmybody,caressingmyhips,mystomach,mybreasts.

“tastegood?”heasksashehoversoverme,eyesblazing.

“yes.here.”ipushmythumbintohismouthandhesucksandbitesthepad.i

groan,grasphisheadandpullhimdowntomesoicankisshim.wrapping

mylegsaroundhim,ipushhispajamasoffhislegswithmyfeet,thencradle

himwithmylegsaroundhiswaist.hislipstrailfromacrossmyjawtomy

chin,nippingsoftly.

“you’resobeautiful.”hedipshisheadlowertothebaseofmythroat.“such

beautifulskin.”hisbreathissoftashislipsglidedowntomybreasts.

what?iampanting,confused—wanting,nowwaiting.ithoughtthiswas

goingtobequick.

“christian.”ihearthequietpleainmyvoiceandreachdown,fistingmy

handsinhishair.

“hush,”hewhispersandcirclesmynipplewithhistonguebeforepullingit

intohismouthandtugginghard.

“ah!”imoanandsquirm,tiltingmypelvisuptotempthim.hegrinsagainst

myskinandturnshisattentiontomyotherbreast.293|page

fiftyshadesfreed

“impatient,mrs.grey?”hethensuckshardonmynipple.itughishair.he

groansandpeersup.“i’llrestrainyou,”hewarns.

“takeme,”ibeg.

“allingoodtime,”hemurmursagainstmyskin.hishandtra一velsdownatan

infuriatinglyslowspeedtomyhipasheworshipsmynipplewithhismouth.i

moanloudly,mybreathshortandshallow,andtryoncemoretoenticehim

intome,rockingagainsthim.he’sthickandhea一vyandclose,buthe’staking

hisownsweetleisurelytimewithme.

fuckthis.istruggleandtwist,determinedtobuckhimoffmeagain.

“whatthe—”

grabbingmyhands,christianpinsthemdownonthebed,myarmsspread

wide,andrestshisfullbodyweightonme,completelysubduingme.iam

breathless,wild.

“youwantedresistance,”isay,panting.herearsupovermeandgazes

down,hishandsstilllockedaroundmywrists.iplacemyheelsunderhis

behindandpush.hedoesn’tmove.gah!

“youdon’twanttoplaynice?”heasksastonished,hiseyesalightwith

excitement.

“ijustwantyoutomakelovetome,christian.”couldhebeanymore

ob一tuse?firstwe’refightingandwrestlingthenhe’salltenderandsweet.it’s

confusing.i’minbedwithmr.mercurial.

“please.”ipressmyheelsagainsthisbacksideoncemore.burninggray

eyessearchmine.oh,whatishethinking?helooksmomentarilybewildered

andconfused.hereleasesmyhandsandsitsbackonhisheels,pullingme

intohislap.

“okay,mrs.grey,we’lldothisyourway.”hereachesaroundmywaist,lifts,

andslowlylowersmeontohimsoi’mstraddlinghim.

“ah!”thisisit.thisiswhatiwant.thisiswhatineed.curlingmyarms

aroundhisneck,itwistmyfingersinhishair,gloryinginthefeelingofhim

insideme.istarttomove.takingcontrol,takinghimatmypace,atmy

speed.hemoans,andhislipsfindmineandwe’relost.

itrailmyfingersthroughthehaironchristian’schest.heliesonhisback,still

andquietbesidemeaswebothcatchourbreath.hishandthrums

rhythmicallydownmyback.

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“you’requiet,”iwhisperandkisshisshoulder.heturnsandlooksdownat

me,hisexpressiongivingnothingaway.“thatwasfun.”iadd.shit,is

somethingwrong?

“youconfoundme,mrs.grey.”

“confoundyou?”

heshiftssothatwe’refacetoface.“yes.you.callingtheshots.it’s...

different.”

“gooddifferent?orbaddifferent?”ireachupandtrailafingeroverhislips.

hisbrowfurrows,asifhedoesn’tquiteunderstandthequestion.

absentmindedly,hepurseshislipstokissmyfinger.

“gooddifferent,”hesays,buthedoesn’tsoundconvinced.

“you’veneverindulgedthislittlefantasybefore?”iblushasisayit.doireally

wanttoknowanymoreaboutmyhusband’scolorful...um,kaleidoscopic,

sexlifebeforeme?mysubconsciouseyesmewarilyoverhertortoiseshell

half-moonspecs.doyoureallywanttogothere?

“no,anastasia,youcantouchme.”it’sasimpleexplanationthatspeaks

volumes.ofcourse,thefifteencouldn’t.

“mrs.robinsoncouldtouchyou.”imurmurthewordsbeforemybrain

registerswhati’vesaid.shit.

hestills.hiseyeswidenwithhisoh-no-where’s-she-going-withthis?

expression.“thatwasdifferent,”hewhispers.suddenlyiwanttoknow.

“gooddifferentorbaddifferent?”

hegazesatme.doub一tandpossiblypainflitacrosshisface,andfleetingly

helookslikeamandrowning.whydidimentionher?

“bad,ithink.”hiswordsarebarelyaudible.

holyshit!

“ithoughtyoulikedit.”

“idid.atthetime.”

“notnow?”

hegazesatme,eyeswide,thenslowlyshakeshishead.ohmy...“oh,

christian.”i’moverwhelmedbythefeelingsthatswampme.mylostboy.i

launchmyselfathimandkisshisface,histhroat,hischest,hislittleround

scars.hegroans,pullsmetohim,andkissesmepassionately.andvery

slowly,andtenderly,athispace,hemakeslovetomeoncemore.

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fiftyshadesfreed

“anatyson.punchingaboveyourweight!”ethanapplaudsasiheadintothe

kitchenforbreakfast.he,mia,andkatearesittingatthebreakfastbarwhile

mrs.bentleycookswaffles.christianisnowheretobeseen.

“goodmorning,mrs.grey.”mrs.bentleysmiles.“whatwouldyoulikefor

breakfast?”

“goodmorning.whatever’sgoing,thankyou.where’schristian?”

“outside.”kategestureswithherheadtowardthebackyard.iwanderoverto

thewindowthatlooksoutontotheyardandthemountainsbeyond.it’sa

clear,powder-bluesummerday,andmybeautifulhusbandisabouttwenty

feetawayindeepdiscussionwithsomeguy.

“that’smr.bentleyhe’stalkingto,”callsmiafromthebreakfastbar.iturnto

lookather,distractedbyhersulkytone.shelooksvenomouslyatethan.oh

dear.iwonderoncemorewhat’sgoingonbetweenthem.frowningiturnmy

attentionbacktomyhusbandandmr.bentley.

mrs.bentley’shusbandisfair-haired,darkeyedandwiry,dressedinwork

pantsandanaspenfiredepartmentt-shirt.christianisdressedinhis

blackjeansandt-shirt.asthetwomenambleacrossthelawntowardthe

houselostintheirconversation,christiancasuallybendstopickupwhat

lookslikeabamboocanethatmustha一vebeenblownoverordiscardedin

theflowerbed.pausing,christianabsentmindedlyholdsoutthecaneat

arm’slengthasifweighingitcarefullyandswipesitthroughtheair,justonce.

oh...

mr.bentleyappearstoseenothingoddinhisbeha一vior.theycontinuetheir

discussion,nearerthehousethistime,thenpauseoncemore,andchristian

repeatsthegesture.thetipofthecanehitstheground.glancingup,

christianseesmestandingatthewindow.suddenlyifeelasifi’mspyingon

him.heblinks.igivehimanembarrassedwa一vethenturnandwalkbackto

thebreakfastbar.

“whatwereyoudoing?”askskate.

“justwatchingchristian.”

“youha一vegotitbad.”shesnorts.

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“andyoudon’t,ohsoon-to-besister-in-law?”ireply,grinningatherandtrying

toburythedisquietingvisualofchristianwieldingacane.iamstartledwhen

kateleapsupandhugsme.

“sister!”sheexclaims,andit’shardnottobesweptupinherjoy.

~o0o~

“hey,sleepyhead.”christianwakesme.“we’recomingintoland.buckle

up.”

ifumblesleepilyformyseatbelt,butchristianleansoverandfastensitfor

me.hekissesmyforeheadbeforesettlingbackintohisseat.ileanmyhead

onhisshoulderagainandclosemyeyes.animpossiblylongwalk,followed

byapicniclunchontopofaspectacularmountain,hasexhaustedme.the

restofourpartyisquiet,too—evenmia.shelooksdespondent,asshehas

allday.iwonderhowhercampaignwithethanisgoing.idon’tevenknow

wheretheysleptlastnight.myeyescatchhersandigiveasmallare-youokay?

smile.shegivesmeabriefsadsmileinreturnandgoesbacktoher

book.ipeekupatchristianthroughmylashes.he’sworkingonacontractor

something,readingitthroughandannotatingthemargins.butheseems

relaxed.elliotissnoringsoftlybesidekate.

iha一veyettocornerelliotandquizhimaboutgia,butit’sbeenimpossibleto

pryhimawayfromkate.christianisn’tinterestedenoughtoask,whichis

irritating,butiha一ven’tpressedhim.we’vebeenenjoyingourselvestoo

much.elliotrestshishandpossessivelyonkate’sknee.she’slooking