myuneasyfeeling,iopenthemarketingplaniwasgivenatthemeeting.
asisourritualonamonday,hannahcomesintomyofficewithaplateformy
packedlunchcourtesyofmrs.jones,andwesitandeatourlunches
together,discussingwhatwewanttoachieveduringtheweek.shebrings
meuptodatewiththeofficegossip,too,which—
consideringi’vebeenawayforthreeweeks—isprettythinontheground.as
we’rechatting,there’saknockonthedoor.
“comein.”
roachopensthedoor,andstandingbesidehimischristian.i’m
momentarilystruckdumb.christianshootsmeablazinglookandstalksin,
beforesmilingpolitelyathannah.
“hello,youmustbehannah.i’mchristiangrey,”hesays.hannahscrambles
toherfeetandholdsoutherhand.
“mr.grey.h-hownicetomeetyou,”shestuttersastheyshakehands.“cani
fetchyouacoffee?”
“please,”hesayswarmly.withaquickpuzzledglanceatme,shescuttles
outoftheofficepastroach,whostandsasdumbstruckasmeonthe
thresholdofmyoffice.
“ifyou’llexcuseme,roach,i’dlikeawordwithms.steele.”
christianhissesthessibilantly...sarcastically.thisiswhyhe’shere...
ohshit.
“ofcourse,mr.grey.ana,”roachmutters,shuttingthedoortomyofficeas
hedeparts.irecovermypowerofspeech.
“mr.grey,hownicetoseeyou.”ismile,fartoosweetly.
“ms.steele,mayisitdown?”
“it’syourcompany.”iwa一veatthechairhannahvacated.
“yes,itis.”hesmileswolfishlyatme,thesmilenotreachinghiseyes.his
toneisclipped.he’sbristlingwithtension—icanfeelitallaroundme.fuck.
myheartsinks.
“yourofficeisverysmall,”hesaysashesitsdownfacingmydesk.
“itsuitsme.”
heregardsmeneutrally,butiknowhe’smad.itakeadeepbreath.thisis
notgoingtobefun.
“sowhatcanidoforyou,christian?”
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eljames
“i’mjustlookingovermyassets.”
“yourassets?allofthem?”
“allofthem.someofthemneedrebranding.”
“rebranding?inwhatway?”
“ithinkyouknow.”hisvoiceismenacinglyquiet.
“please—don’ttellmeyouha一veinterruptedyourdayafterthreeweeksaway
tocomeoverhereandfightwithmeaboutmyname.”iamnotafreaking
asset!
heshiftsandcrosseshislegs.“notexactlyfight.no.”
“christian,i’mworking.”
“lookedlikeyouweregossipingwithyourassistanttome.”
mycheeksheat.“weweregoingthroughourschedules,”isnap.
“andyouha一ven’tansweredmyquestion.”
there’saknockonthedoor.“comein!”ishout,tooloudly.hannahopens
thedoorandbringsinasmalltray.milkjug,sugarbowl,coffeeinafrench
press—she’sgoneallout.sheplacesthetrayonmydesk.
“thankyou,hannah,”imutter,embarrassedthatiha一vejustshoutedsoloudly.
“doyouneedanythingelse,mr.grey?”sheasksallbreathless.iwanttoroll
myeyesather.
“no,thankyou.that’sall.”hesmileshisdazzling,panty-droppingsmileat
her.sheflushesandexitssimpering.christianturnshisattentionbackto
me.
“now,ms.steele,wherewerewe?”
“youwererudelyinterruptingmyworkdaytofightwithmeaboutmyname.”
christianblinksonce—surprised,ithink,bythevehemenceinmyvoice.
deftly,hepicksataninvisiblepieceoflintonhiskneewithlongskilled
fingers.it’sdistracting.he’sdoingitonpurpose.inarrowmyeyesathim.
“iliketomaketheoddimpromptuvisit.itkeepsmanagementontheirtoes,
wivesintheirplace.youknow.”heshrugs,hismouthsetinanarrogantline.
wivesintheirplace!“ihadnoideayoucouldsparethetime,”isnap.
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fiftyshadesfreed
hiseyesfrost.“whydon’tyouwanttochangeyournamehere?”heasks,his
voicedeathlyquiet.
“christian,doweha一vetodiscussthisnow?”
“i’mhere.idon’tseewhynot.”
“iha一veatonofworktodo,ha一vingbeenawayforthelastthreeweeks.”
hegazesatme,hiseyescoolandassessing—distanteven.imarvelthathe
canappearsocoldafterlastnight,afterthelastthreeweeks.shit.hemust
besomad—reallymad.whenwillhelearnnottooverreact?
“areyouashamedofme?”heasks,hisvoicedeceptivelysoft.what?“no!
christian,ofcoursenot.”iscowlathim.“thisisaboutme—notyou.”jeez,
he’sexasperatingsometimes.sillyoverbearingmegalomaniac.
“howisthisnotaboutme?”hecockshisheadtooneside,genuinely
perplexed,someofhisdetachmentslippingashestaresatmewithwide
eyes,andirealizethathe’shurt.holyfuck.i’vehurthisfeelings.ohno...
he’sthelastpersoniwanttohurt.iha一vetomakehimseemylogic.iha一veto
explainmyreasoningformydecision.
“christian,whenitookthisjob,i’donlyjustmetyou,”isaypatiently,struggling
tofindtherightwords.“ididn’tknowyouweregoingtobuythecompany—”
whatcanisayaboutthateventinourbriefhistory?hisderangedreasons
fordoingso—hiscontrolfreakery,hisstalkertendenciesgonemad,given
completelyfreereinbecauseheissowealthy.iknowhewantstokeepme
safebutit’shisownershipofsipthatisthefundamentalproblemhere.ifhe’d
neverinterfered,icouldcontinueasnormalandnotha一vetofacethe
disgruntledandwhisperedrecriminationsofmycolleagues.iputmyheadin
myhandsjusttobreakeyecontactwithhim.
“whyisitsoimportanttoyou?”iask,desperatelytryingtoholdontomy
frayingtemper.ilookupathisimpassivestare,hiseyesluminous,giving
nothingaway,hisearlierhurtnowhidden.butevenasiaskthequestion,
deepdowniknowtheanswerbeforehesaysit.
“iwanteveryonetoknowthatyou’remine.”
“iamyours—look.”iholdupmylefthand,showingmyweddingand
engagementrings.
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eljames
“it’snotenough.”
“notenoughthatimarriedyou?”myvoiceisbarelyawhisper.heblinksat
me,registeringthehorroronmyface.wherecanigofromhere?whatelse
canido?
“that’snotwhatimean,”hesnapsandrunsahandthroughhisoverlonghair
sothatitflopsontohisforehead.
“whatdoyoumean?”
heswallows.“iwantyourworldtobeginandendwithme,”hesays,his
expressionraw.hiscommentcompletelyderailsme.it’slikehe’spunched
mehardinthestomach,windingandwoundingme.andthevisioncomesto
mindofasmall,frightened,copper-hairedgrayeyedboyindirty,
mismatched,ill-fittingclothes.
“itdoes,”isaywithoutguile,becauseit’sthetruth.“i’mjusttryingtoestablish
acareer,andidon’twanttotradeonyourname.iha一vetodosomething,
christian.ican’tstayimprisonedatescalaorthenewhousewithnothingto
do.i’llgocrazy.i’llsuffocate.i’vealwaysworked,andienjoythis.thisismy
dreamjob;it’salli’veeverwanted.butdoingthisdoesn’tmeaniloveyou
less.youaretheworldtome.”mythroatswellsandtearsprickthebackof
myeyes.imustnotcry,nothere.irepeatitoverandoverinmyhead.imust
notcry.imustnotcry.
hestaresatme,sayingnothing.thenafrowncrosseshisfaceasifhe’s
consideringwhati’vesaid.
“isuffocateyou?”hisvoiceisbleak,andit’sanechoofaquestionhe’s
askedmebefore.
“no...yes...no.”thisissuchanexasperatingconversation—notonethati
wanttoha一venow,here.iclosemyeyesandrubmyforehead,tryingto
fathomhowwegottothis.
“look,weweretalkingaboutmyname.iwanttokeepmynamehere
becauseiwanttoputsomedistancebetweenyouandme...butonlyhere,
that’sall.youknoweveryonethinksigotthejobbecauseofyou,whenthe
realityis—”istop,whenhiseyeswiden.ohno...itisbecauseofhim?
“doyouwanttoknowwhyyougotthejob,anastasia?”
anastasia?shit.“what?whatdoyoumean?”
heshiftsinhischairasifsteelinghimself.doiwanttoknow?
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fiftyshadesfreed
“themanagementherega一veyouhyde’sjobtobabysit.theydidn’twantthe
expenseofhiringaseniorexecutivewhenthecompanywasmid-sale.they
hadnoideawhatthenewownerwoulddowithitonceitpassedintohis
ownership,andwisely,theydidn’twantanexpensiveredundancy.sothey
ga一veyouhyde’sjobtocaretakeuntilthenewowner”—hepauses,andhis
lipstwitchinanironicsmile—“namelyme,tookover.”
holycrap!“whatareyousaying?”soitwasbecauseofhim.fuck!
i’mhorrified.
hesmilesandshakeshisheadatmyalarm.“relax.you’vemorethanrisen
tothechallenge.you’vedoneverywell.”there’sthetiniesthintofprideinhis
voice,andit’salmostmyundoing.
“oh,”imurmurincoherently,reelingfromthisnews.isitrightbackinmychair,
open-mouthed,staringathim.heshiftsagain.
“idon’twanttosuffocateyou,ana.idon’twanttoputyouinagildedcage.
well...”hepauses,hisfacedarkening.“well,therationalpartofme
doesn’t.”hestrokeshischinthoughtfullyashismindconcoctssomeplan.
oh,whatishethinking?christianlooksupsuddenly,asifhe’shadaeureka
moment.
“sooneofthereasonsi’mhere—apartfromdealingwithmyerrantwife,”he
says,narrowinghiseyes,“istodiscusswhatiamgoingtodowiththis
company.”
errantwife!iamnoterrant,andi’mnotanasset!iscowlatchristianagain
andthethreatoftearssubsides.
“whatareyougoingtodo?”iinclinemyheadtooneside,mirroringhim,and
ican’thelpmysarcastictone.hislipstwitchwiththehintofasmile.jeez—
changeofmood,again!howcanieverkeepupwithmr.mercurial?
“i’mrenamingthecompany—togreypublishing.”
holyshit.
“andinayear’stime,itwillbeyours.”
what?mymouthdropsopenoncemore—widerthistime.
“thisismyweddingpresenttoyou.”
ishutmymouththenopenit,tryingtoarticulatesomething—butthere’s
nothingthere.mymindisblank.
“so,doineedtochangethenametosteelepublishing?”
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eljames
he’sserious.holyfuck.
“christian,”iwhisperwhenmybrainfinallyreconnectswithmymouth.“you
ga一vemeawatch...ican’trunabusiness.”
hetiltshisheadtoonesideagainandgivesmeacensoriousfrown.
“iranmyownbusinessfromtheageoftwenty-one.”
“butyou’re...you.controlfreakandwhiz-kidextraordinaire.jeezchristian,
youmajoredineconomicsatharvardbeforeyoudroppedout.atleastyou
ha一vesomeidea.isoldpaintandcabletiesforthreeyearsonapart-time
basis,forhea一ven’ssake.i’veseensolittleoftheworld,andiknownextto
nothing!”myvoicerises,growinglouderandhigher,asicompletemytirade.
“you’realsothemostwell-readpersoniknow,”hecountersearnestly.“you
loveagoodbook.youcouldn’tlea一veyourjobwhilewewereonour
honeymoon.youreadhowmanymanuscripts?four?”
“five,”iwhisper.
“andyouwrotefullreportsonallofthem.you’reaverybrightwoman,
anastasia.i’msureyou’llmanage.”
“areyoucrazy?”
“crazyforyou,”hewhispers.
what?andisnortbecauseit’stheonlyexpressionmybodycanmake.he
narrowshiseyes.
“you’llbealaughingstock.buyingacompanyforthelittlewoman,whohas
onlyhadafulltimejobforafewmonthsofheradultlife.”
“doyouthinkigiveafuckwhatpeoplethink?besides,youwon’tbeonyour
own.”
igapeathim.hereallyhaslosthismarblesthistime.“christian,i...”iput
myheadinmyhands—myemotionsha一vebeenthroughawringer.whatis
hethinking?andfromsomewheredarkanddeepinsideiha一vethesudden,
inappropriateneedtolaugh.whenilookupathimagain,hiseyeswiden.
“somethingamusingyou,misssteele?”
“yes.you.”
hiseyeswidenfurther,shockedbutalsoamused.“laughingatyour
husband?thatwillneverdo.andyou’rebitingyourlip.”hiseyesdarken...
inthatway.ohno—iknowthatlook.sultry,seductive,salacious...no,no,
no!nothere.
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fiftyshadesfreed
“don’teventhinkaboutit,”iwarn,alarmclearinmyvoice.
“thinkaboutwhat,anastasia?”
“iknowthatlook.we’reatwork.”
heleansforward,hiseyesgluedtomine,moltengrayandhungry.holyshit!i
swallowinstinctively.“we’reinasmall,reasonablysoundproofedofficewith
alockabledoor.”
“grossmoralturpitude.”ienunciateeachwordcarefully.
“notwithyourhusband.”
“withmyboss’sboss’sboss,”ihiss.
“you’remywife.”
“christian,no.imeanit.youcanfuckmesevenshadesofsundaythis
evening.butnotnow.nothere!”
heblinksandnarrowshiseyesoncemore.thenunexpectedlyhelaughs.
“sevenshadesofsunday?”hearchesaneyebrow,intrigued.“imayhold
youtothat,ms.steele.”
“oh,stopwiththems.steele!”isnapandthumpthedesk,startlingusboth.
“forhea一ven’ssake,christian.ifitmeanssomuchtoyou,i’llchangemy
name!”
hismouthpopsopenasheinhalessharply.andthenhegrins,aradiant,allteeth-
showing,joyousgrin.wow...
“good.”heclapshishands,andallofasuddenhestands.whatnow?
“missionaccomplished.now,iha一veworktodo.ifyou’llexcuseme,mrs.
grey.”
what?gah—thismanissomaddening!“but—”
“butwhat,mrs.grey?”
isag.“justgo.”
“iintendto.i’llseeyouthisevening.i’mlookingforwardtosevenshadesof
“iintendto.i’llseeyouthisevening.i’mlookingforwardtosevenshadesof
sunday.”
iscowl.
“oh,andiha一veastackofbusiness-relatedsocialengagementscomingup,
andi’dlikeyoutoaccompanyme.”
igapeathim.willyoujustgo?
“i’llha一veandreacallhannahtoputthedatesinyourcalendar.thereare
somepeopleyouneedtomeet.youshouldgethannahtohandleyour
schedulefromnowon.”
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eljames
“okay,”imumble,completelybemused,bewilderedandshellshocked.he
leansovermydesk.whatnow?iamcaughtinhishypnoticgaze.
“lovedoingbusinesswithyou,mrs.grey.”heleansincloserasisit
paralyzed,andheplantsasofttenderkissonmylips.“laters,baby,”he
murmurs.hestandsabruptly,winksatme,andlea一ves.ilaymyheadonmy
desk,feelinglikei’vebeenrunoverbyafreighttrain—thefreighttrainthatis
mybelovedhusband.hehastobethemostfrustrating,annoying,contrary
manontheplanet.isitupandfranticallyrubmyeyes.whatha一veijust
agreedto?okay,anagreyrunningsip—imean,greypublishing.theman
isinsane.there’saknockonthedoor,andhannahpokesherheadaround.
“youokay?”sheasks.
ijuststareather.shefrowns.
“iknowyoudon’tlikemedoingthis—butcanimakeyousometea?”
inod.
“twiningsenglishbreakfast,weakandblack?”
inod.
“comingrightup,ana.”
istareblanklyatmycomputerscreen,stillinshock.howcanimakehim
understand?e-mail!
from:anastasiasteele
subject:notanasset!
date:august22,201114:23
to:christiangrey
mr.grey
nexttimeyoucomeandseeme,makeanappointment,soicanatleast
ha一vesomepriorwarningofyouradolescentoverbearingmegalomania.
yours
anastasiagrey<-----pleasenotename.
139|page
fiftyshadesfreed
commissioningeditor,sip
from:christiangrey
subject:sevenshadesofsunday
date:august22,201114:34??
to:anastasiasteele
mydearmrs.grey(emphasisonmy)
whatcanisayinmydefense?iwasintheneighborhood.andno,youare
notanasset,youaremybelovedwife.asever,youmakemyday.
christiangrey
ceo&overbearingmegalomaniac,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.
he’stryingtobefunny,butiaminnomoodtolaugh.itakeadeepbreath
andgobacktomycorrespondence.
christianisquietwheniclimbintothecarthatevening.
“hi,”imurmur.
“hi,”heresponds,warily—asheshould.
“disruptanyoneelse’sworktoday?”iasktoosweetly.aghostofasmile
crosseshisface.“onlyflynn’s.”
oh.
“nexttimeyougotoseehim,i’llgiveyoualistoftopicsiwantcovered,”i
hissathim.
“youseemoutofsorts,mrs.grey.”
iglaresteadilyinfrontofme,atthebacksofryanandsawyer’sheads.
christianshiftsbesideme.
“hey,”hesayssoftlyandreachesformyhand.allafternoon,whenishould
ha一vebeenconcentratingonwork,iwastryingtofigureoutwhattosaytohim.
butibecameangrierandangrierwitheachpassinghour.i’vehadenoughof
hisca一valier,petulant,andfranklychildish140|page
eljames
beha一vior.isnatchmyhandoutofhis—inaca一valier,petulant,andchildish
manner.
“you’remadatme?”hewhispers.
“yes,”ihiss.foldingmyarmsprotectivelyacrossmybody,igazeoutmy
window.heshiftsbesidemeoncemore,butiwillmyselfnottolookathim.i
don’tunderstandwhyi’msomadathim—butiam.reallyfuckingmad.
assoonaswepullupoutsideescala,ibreakprotocolandleapoutofthe
carwithmybriefcase.istompintothebuilding,notcheckingtoseewhois
following.ryanscuttlesintothefoyerbehindmeanddashestotheelevator
topressthecallbutton.
“what?”isnapwheni’malongsidehim.hischeeksredden.
“apologies,ma’am,”hemutters.
christiancomesandstandsbesidemetowaitfortheelevator,andryan
retreats.
“soit’snotjustmeyou’remadat?”christianmurmursdryly.iglareupathim
andseeatraceofasmileonhisface.
“areyoulaughingatme?”inarrowmyeyes.
“iwouldn’tdare,”hesays,holdinghishandsuplikei’mthreateninghimat
gunpoint.he’sinhisna一vysuit,lookingcrispandcleanwithfloppysex-hair
andaguilelessexpression.
“youneedahaircut,”imutter.turningawayfromhim,istepintotheelevator.
“doi?”hesayswhilebrushinghishairoffhisforehead.hefollowsmein.
“yes.”itapthecodeforourapartmentintothekeypad.
“soyou’retalkingtomenow?”
“just.”
“whatexactlyareyoumadabout?ineedanindication,”heaskscautiously.
iturnandgapeathim.
“doyoureallyha一venoidea?surely,forsomeonesobright,youmustha一ve
aninkling?ican’tbelieveyou’rethatob一tuse.”
hetakesanalarmedstepback.“youreallyaremad.ithoughtwehadsorted
allthisinyouroffice,”hemurmurs,perplexed.
“christian,ijustcapitulatedtoyourpetulantdemands.that’sall.”
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fiftyshadesfreed
theelevatordoorsopenandistormout.taylorisstandinginthehallway.he
takesastepbackandquicklyshutshismouthasisteampasthim.
“hi,taylor,”imutter.
“mrs.grey,”hemurmurs.
droppingmybriefcaseinthehallway,iheadintothegreatroom.mrs.jones
isatthestove.
“goodevening,mrs.grey.”
“hi,mrs.jones,”imutteroncemore.iheadstraighttothefridgeandpullout
abottleofwhitewine.christianfollowsmeintothekitchenandwatchesme
likeahawkasitakeaglassdownfromthecupboard.heremoveshisjacket
andcasuallyplacesitonthecountertop.
“doyouwantadrink?”iasksupersweetly.
“nothanks,”hesays,nottakinghiseyesoffme,andiknowthathe’s
helpless.hedoesnotknowwhattodowithme.it’scomicalononeleveland
tragiconanother.well,screwhim!iamha一vingtroublelocatingmy
compassionateselfsinceourmeetingthisafternoon.slowly,heremoveshis
tiethenopensthetopbuttonofhisshirt.ipourmyselfalargeglassof
sauvignonblanc,andchristianrunsahandthroughhishair.wheniturn
around,mrs.joneshasdisappeared.shit!
she’smyhumanshield.itakeaslugofwine.hmm.ittastesgood.
“stopthis,”christianwhispers.hetakesthetwostepsbetweenussohe’s
standinginfrontofme.gentlyhetucksmyhairbehindmyearandcaresses
myearlobewithhisfingertips,sendingashiverthroughme.isthiswhati’ve
missedallday?histouch?ishakemyhead,causinghimtoreleasemyear
andgazeupathim.
“talktome,”hemurmurs.
“what’sthepoint?youdon’tlistentome.”
“yesido.you’reoneofthefewpeopleidolistento.”
itakeanotherswigofwine.
“isthisaboutyourname?”
“yesandno.it’showyoudealtwiththefactthatidisagreedwithyou.”iglare
upathim,expectinghimtobeangered.hisbrowfurrows.“ana,youknowi
ha一ve...issues.it’shardformetoletgowhereyou’reconcerned.youknow
that.”
“buti’mnotachild,andi’mnotanasset.”
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eljames
“iknow.”hesighs.
“thenstoptreatingmeasthoughiam,”iwhisper,imploringhim.hebrushes
thebackofhisfingersdownmycheekandrunsthetipofhisthumbacross
mybottomlip.
“don’tbemad.you’resoprecioustome.likeapricelessasset,likea
child,”hewhispers,asomberreverentexpressiononhisface.hiswords
distractme.likeachildpreciouslikeachild...achildwouldbeprecious
tohim!
“i’mneitherofthosethings,christian.i’myourwife.ifyouwerehurtthati
wasn’tgoingtotakeyourname,youshouldha一vesaid.”
“hurt?”hefrownsdeeply,andiknowthathe’sexploringthepossibilityinhis
mind.hestraightenssuddenly,stillfrowning,andglancesquicklyathis
wristwatch.“thearchitectwillbehereinjustunderanhour.weshouldeat.”
ohno.igroaninwardly.hehasn’tansweredme,andnowiha一vetodealwith
giamatteo.myshittydayjustgotshittier.iscowlatchristian.
“thisdiscussionisn’tfinished,”imutter.
“whatelseistheretodiscuss?”
“youcouldsellthecompany.”
christiansnorts.“sellit?”
“yes.”
“youthinki’dfindabuyerintoday’smarket?”
“howmuchdiditcostyou?”
“itwasrelativelycheap.”histoneisguarded.
“soifitfolds?”
hesmirks.“we’llsurvive.butiwon’tletitfold,anastasia.notwhileyou’re
there.”
“andifilea一ve?”
“anddowhat?”
“idon’tknow.somethingelse.”
“you’vealreadysaidthisisyourdreamjob.andforgivemeifi’mwrong,buti
promisedbeforegod,reverendwalsh,andacongregationofournearest
anddearesttocherishyou,upholdyourhopesanddreams,andkeepyou
safeatmyside.”
“quotingyourweddingvowstomeisnotplayingfair.”
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fiftyshadesfreed
“i’veneverpromisedtoplayfairwhereyou’reconcerned.besides,”
headds,“you’vewieldedyourvowsatmelikeaweaponbefore.”
iscowlathim.thisistrue.
“anastasia,ifyou’restillangrywithme,takeitoutonmeinbedlater.”his
voiceissuddenlylowandfullofsensuallonging,hiseyesheated.
what?bed?how?
hesmilesindulgentlydownatmyexpression.isheexpectingmetotiehim
up?holycrap!myinnergoddessremovesheripodearbudsandstarts
listeningwithraptattention.
“sevenshadesofsunday,”hewhispers.“lookingforwardtoit.”
whoa!
“gail!”heshoutsabruptly,andfoursecondslater,mrs.jonesappears.
wherewasshe?taylor’soffice?listening?ohjeez.
“mr.grey?”
“we’dliketoeatnow,please.”
“verygood,sir.”
christiandoesn’ttakehiseyesoffme.hewatchesmevigilantlyasifi’m
someexoticcreatureabouttobolt.itakeasipofmywine.
“ithinki’lljoinyouinaglass,”hesayssighing,andrunsahandthroughhis
hairagain.
“you’renotgoingtofinish?”
“no.”igazedownatmybarelytouchedplateoffettuccinitoa一voidchristian’s
darkeningexpression.beforehecansayanything,istandandclearour
platesfromthediningtable.
“giawillbewithusshortly,”imutter.christian’smouthtwistsinanunhappy
scowl,buthesaysnothing.
“i’lltakethose,mrs.grey,”saysmrs.jonesasiwalkintothekitchen.
“thankyou.”
“youdidn’tlikeit?”sheasks,concerned.
“itwasfine.i’mjustnothungry.”
givingmeasmallsympatheticsmile,sheturnstoclearmyplateandput
everythinginthedishwasher.
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eljames
“i’mgoingtomakeacoupleofcalls,”christianannounces,givingmean
assessinglookbeforehedisappearsintohisstudy.iletoutasighofrelief
andheadtoourbedroom.dinnerwasawkward.i’mstillmadatchristian,
andhedoesn’tseemtothinkhe’sdoneanythingwrong.hashe?my
subconsciouscocksaneyebrowatmeandgazesbenignlyoverherhalfmoon
glasses.yes,hehas.he’smadeitevenmoreawkwardformeat
work.hedidn’twaittodiscussthisissuewithmewhenwewereinthe
relativeprivacyofourownhome.howwouldhefeelificamebargingintohis
office,layingdownthelaw?andtocapitall,hewantstogivemesip!how
thehellcouldirunacompany?iknownexttonothingaboutbusiness.igaze
outattheseattleskylinebathedinthepearlypinklightofdusk.andasusual,
hewantstosolveourdifferencesinthebedroom...um...foyer...
playroom...tvroom...kitchencountertop...stop!italwayscomesback
tosexwithhim.sexishiscopingmechanism.
iwanderintothebathroomandscowlatmyreflectioninthemirror.coming
backtotherealworldishard.wemanagedtoskateoverallourdifferences
whilewewereinourbubblebecauseweweresowrappedupineachother.
butnow?brieflyiamdraggedbacktomywedding,rememberingmy
butnow?brieflyiamdraggedbacktomywedding,rememberingmy
concernsthatday—marryinhaste...no,imustn’tthinklikethis.iknewhe
wasfiftyshadeswhenimarriedhim.ijustha一vetohanginthereandtryto
talkthisthroughwithhim.isquintatmyselfinthemirror.ilookpale,andnowi
ha一vethatwomantodealwith.
i’mwearingmygraypencilskirtandasleevelessblouse.right!myinner
goddessgetsoutherharlot-rednailpolish.iundotwobuttons,exposinga
littleclea一vage.iwashmyfacethencarefullyredomymakeup,applyingmore
mascarathanusualandputtingextraglossonmylips.bendingdown,ithen
brushmyhairvigorouslyfromroottotip.whenistand,myhairisachestnut
hazearoundmethattumblestomybreasts.ituckitartfullybehindmyears
andgoinsearchofmypumps,ratherthanmyflats.
whenireemergeintothegreatroom,christianhasthehouseplansspread
outonthediningtable.hehasmusicplayingthroughthesoundsystem.it
stopsmeinmytracks.
“mrs.grey,”hesayswarmlythenlooksquizzicallyatme.145|page
fiftyshadesfreed
“what’sthis?”iask.themusicisstunning.
“fauré’srequiem.youlookdifferent,”hesays,distracted.
“oh.i’venothearditbefore.”
“it’sverycalming,relaxing,”hesaysandraisesaneyebrow.“ha一veyoudone
somethingtoyourhair?”
“brushedit,”imutter.i’mtransportedbythehauntingvoices.abandoningthe
plansonthetable,hewalkstowardme,aslowsaunterintimetothemusic.
“dancewithme?”hemurmurs.
“tothis?it’sarequiem.”isqueak,shocked.
“yes.”hepullsmeintohisarmsandholdsme,buryinghisnoseinmyhair
andswayinggentlyfromsidetoside.hesmellshishea一venlyself.
oh...i’vemissedhim.iwrapmyarmsaroundhimandfighttheurgetocry.
whyareyousoinfuriating?
“ihatefightingwithyou,”hewhispers.
“well,stopbeingsuchanarse.”
hechucklesandthecaptivatingsoundreverberatesthroughhischest.he
tightenshisholdonme.“arse?”
“ass.”
“ipreferarse.”
“youshould.itsuitsyou.”
helaughsoncemoreandkissesthetopofmyhead.
“arequiem?”imurmuralittleshockedthatwearedancingtoit.heshrugs.
“it’sjustalovelypieceofmusic,ana.”
taylorcoughsdiscreetlyattheentranceway,andchristianreleasesme.
“missmatteoishere,”hesays.
ohjoy!
“showherin,”christiansays.hereachesoverandclaspsmyhandasmiss
giamatteoenterstheroom.
146|page
eljames