chapterthree
igazeinhorrorattheredmarksallovermybreasts.hickeys!iha一vehickeys!
iammarriedtooneofthemostrespectedbusinessmenintheunitedstates,
andhe’sgivenmegoddamnhickeys.howdidinotfeelhimdoingthisto
me?iflush.thefactisiknowexactlywhy—mr.orgasmicwasusinghisfinemotor
sexingskillsonme.mysubconsciouspeersoverherhalf-moonspecs
andtutsdisapprovingly,whilemyinnergoddessslumbersonherchaise
longue,outforthecount.igapeatmyreflection.mywristsha一vearedwelt
aroundthemfromthehandcuffs.nodoub一tthey’llbruise.iexaminemyankles
—morewelts.holyhell,ilooklikei’vebeeninsomesortofaccident.igaze
atmyself,tryingtoabsorbhowilook.mybodyissodifferentthesedays.it’s
changedsub一tlysincei’veknownhim...i’vebecomeleanerandfitter,and
myhairisglossyandwellcut.mynailsaremanicured,myfeetpedicured,my
eyebrowsthreadedandbeautifullyshaped.forthefirsttimeinmylife,i’m
wellgroomed—
exceptforthesehideouslovebites.
idon’twanttothinkaboutgroomingatthemoment.i’mtoomad.howdare
hemarkmelikethis,likesometeenager.intheshorttimewe’vebeen
together,he’snevergivenmehickeys.ilooklikehell.iknowwhyhe’sdone
this.damncontrolfreak.right!mysubconsciousfoldsherarmsbeneathher
smallbosom—he’sgonetoofarthistime.istalkoutoftheensuitebathroom
andintothewalk-incloset,carefullya一voidingevenaglanceinhisdirection.
slippingoutofmyrobe,ipullonmysweatpantsandacamisole.iundothe
braid,pickupahairbrushfromthesmallvanityunit,andbrushoutmy
tangles.
“anastasia,”christiancallsandihearhisanxiety.“areyouokay?”
iignorehim.amiokay?no,iamnotokay.afterwhathe’sdonetome,i
doub一ti’llbeabletowearaswimsuit,letaloneoneofmyridiculously
doub一ti’llbeabletowearaswimsuit,letaloneoneofmyridiculously
expensivebikinis,fortherestofourhoneymoon.thethoughtissuddenlyso
infuriating.howdarehe?i’llgivehimareyouokay.iseetheasfuryspikes
throughme.icanbeha一velikean
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fiftyshadesfreed
adolescent,too!steppingbackintothebedroom,ihurlthehairbrushathim,
turn,andlea一ve—thoughnotbeforeiseehisshockedexpressionandhis
lightningreactionasheraiseshisarmtoprotecthisheadsothatthebrush
bouncesineffectivelyoffhisforearmandontothebed.istormoutofour
cabinandrunupstairsandoutondeck,stompingtowardthebow.ineed
somespacetocalmdown.it’sdarkandtheairisbalmy.thewarmbreeze
carriesthesmellofthemediterraneanandthescentofjasmineand
bougainvilleafromtheshore.thefairladyglideseffortlesslythroughthe
calmcobaltseaasirestmyelbowsonthewoodenrailing,gazingatthe
distantshorewheretinylightswinkandtwinkle.itakeadeep,healingbreath
andslowlybegintocalm.i’mawareofhimbehindmebeforeihearhim.
“you’remadatme,”hewhispers.
“noshit,sherlock!”
“howmad?”
“scaleofonetoten,ithinki’matfifty.apt,huh?”
“thatmad.”hesoundssurprisedandimpressedatonce.
“yes.pushedtoviolencemad,”isaythroughgrittedteeth.hestayssilentasi
turnandscowlathim,watchingmewithwideandwaryeyes.iknowfromthat
expressionandthathe’smadenomovetotouchmethathe’soutofhis
depth.
“christian,youha一vetostopunilaterallytryingtobringmetoheel.youmade
yourpointonthebeach.veryeffectively,asirecall.”
heshrugsminutely.“well,youwon’ttakeyourtopoffagain,”hemurmurs
petulantly.
what?andthisjustifieswhathe’sdonetome?iglareathim.“idon’tlikeyou
lea一vingmarksonme.well,notthismany,anyway.it’sahardlimit!”ihissat
him.
“idon’tlikeyoutakingyourclothesoffinpublic.that’sahardlimitforme,”he
growls.
“ithinkwe’veestablishedthat,”ihissthroughmyteeth.“lookatme!”ipull
downmycamisoletorevealthetopofmybreasts.christiangazesatme,his
eyesnotlea一vingmyfacehisexpressionwaryanduncertain.he’snotusedto
seeingmethismad.can’theseewhathe’sdone?can’theseehow
ridiculousheis?iwanttoshoutathim,butirefrain—idon’twanttopushhim
toofar.hea一venknowswhathe’ddo.
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eljames
eventually,heblinksandholdshispalmsupinaresigned,conciliatory
gesture.
“okay,”hesayshisvoiceplacating.“igetit.”
hallelujah!
“good!”
herunshishandthroughhishair.“i’msorry.pleasedon’tbemadatme.”
finally,helookscontrite—usingmyownwordsbackatme.
“youaresuchanadolescentsometimes,”iscoldhim,mulishly,butthefight
hasgoneoutofmyvoice,andheknowsit.hestepscloserandtentatively
raiseshishandtotuckmyhairbehindmyear.
“iknow,”heacknowledgessoftly.“iha一vealottolearn.”
dr.flynn’swordscomebacktome...emotionally,christianisan
adolescent,ana.hebypassedthatphaseinhislifetotally.he’schanneled
allhisenergiesintosucceedinginthebusinessworld,andhehasbeyond
allexpectations.hisemotionalworldhastoplaycatch-up.
myheartthawsalittle.
“webothdo.”isighandcautiouslyraisemyhand,placingitoverhisheart.
hedoesn’tflinchlikeheusedto,buthestiffens.herestshishandovermine
andsmileshisshysmile.
“i’vejustlearnedthatyou’veagoodarmandagoodaim,mrs.grey.iwould
neverha一vefiguredthat,buttheniconstantlyunderestimateyou.youalways
surpriseme.”
iarchmyeyebrowathim.“targetpracticewithray.icanthrowandshoot
straight,mr.grey,andyou’ddowelltorememberthat.”
“iwillendea一vortodothat,mrs.grey,orensurethatallpotentialprojectile
objectsarenaileddownandthatyoudon’tha一veaccesstoagun.”hesmirks
atme.
ismirkback,narrowingmyeyes.“i’mresourceful.”
“thatyouare,”hewhispersandreleasesmyhandtocirclehisarmsaround
me.pullingmeintoanembrace,heburieshisnoseinmyhair.iwrapmy
armsaroundhim,holdinghimclose,andfeelthetensionlea一vehisbodyas
henuzzlesme.
“amiforgiven?”
“ami?”
ifeelhissmile.“yes,”heanswers.
“ditto.”
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fiftyshadesfreed
westandholdingeachother,mypiqueforgotten.hedoessmellgood,
adolescentornot.howcaniresisthim?
“hungry?”hesaysafterawhile.iha一vemyeyesclosedandmyheadagainst
hischest.
“yes.famished.allthe...er...activityhasgivenmeanappetite.buti’m
notdressedfordinner.”i’msuremysweatpantsandcamisolewouldbe
frowneduponinthediningroom.
“youlookgoodtome,anastasia.besides,it’sourboatfortheweek;wecan
dresshowwelike.thinkofitasdressdowntuesdayonthecoted’azur.
anyway,ithoughtwe’deatondeck.”
“yes,i’dlikethat.”
heleansdownandkissesme—anearnestforgive-mekiss—thenwe
wanderhandinhandtowardthebowwhereourgazpachosoupawaits.
thestewardservesourcr&egra一ve;mebruléeanddiscreetlyretires.
“whydoyoualwaysbraidmyhair?”iaskchristianoutofcuriosity.we’re
sittingadjacenttoeachotheratthetable,mylowerlegcurledaroundhis.he
pausesashe’sabouttopickuphisdessertspoonandfrowns.
“idon’twantyourhaircatchinginanything,”hesaysquietly,andforamoment
he’slostinthought.“habit,ithink,”hemuses.suddenlyhefrownsandhis
eyeswiden,hispupilsdilatingwithalarm.holyshit!what’she
remembered?it’ssomethingpainful,someearlychildhoodmemory,iguess.
idon’twanttoremindhimofthat.leaningover,iputmyindexfingeroverhis
lips.
“no,itdoesn’tmatter.idon’tneedtoknow.iwasjustcurious.”igivehima
warm,reassuringsmile.hislookiswary,butafteramomenthevisibly
relaxes,hisreliefevident.ileanovertokissthecornerofhismouth.
“iloveyou,”imurmur,andhesmileshisheart-achinglyshysmile,andimelt.“i
willalwaysloveyou,christian.”
“andiyou,”hesayssoftly.
“inspiteofmydisobedience?”iraisemyeyebrow.
“becauseofyourdisobedience,anastasia.”hegrinsatme.
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eljames
icrackmyspoonthroughtheburntsugarcrustofmydessertandshakemy
head.willieverunderstandthisman?hmm—thiscr&egra一ve;mebruléeisdelicious.
oncethestewardhasclearedourdessertplates,christianreachesforthe
bottleofroséandrefillsmyglass.icheckthatwe’realoneandask,
“what’swiththenogoingtothebathroomthing?”
“youreallywanttoknow?”hehalfsmiles,hiseyesalightwithasalacious
gleam.
“doi?”igazeathimthroughmylashesasitakeasipofmywine.
“thefulleryourbladder,themoreintenseyourorgasm,ana.”
iflush.“oh.isee.”holycow,thatexplainsalot.hegrinsatme,lookingfar
tooknowing.willialwaysbeonthebackfootwithmr.sexpertise?
“yes.well...”idesperatelyhuntaroundforachangeofsubject.hetakes
pityonme.
“whatdoyouwanttodofortherestoftheevening?”hecockshisheadto
onesideandgivesmehislopsidedgrin.
whateveryouwant,christian.putyourtheorytothetestagain?ishrug.
“iknowwhatiwanttodo,”hemurmurs.grabbinghisglassofwine,herises
andholdshishandouttome.“come.”
itakehishandandheleadsmeintothemainsalon.hisipodisinthe
speakerdockonthebureau.heswitchesitonandselectsasong.
“dancewithme.”hepullsmeintohisarms.
“ifyouinsist.”
“iinsist,mrs.grey.”
aslinky,cheesymelodystarts.isthisalatinrhythm?christiangrinsdownat
meandstartstomove,sweepingmeoffmyfeetandtakingmewithhim
roundthesalon.
amanwithavoicelikewarmmeltedcaramelcroons.it’sasongiknowbut
can’tplace.christiandipsmelow,andiyelpinsurpriseandgiggle.he
smilesdownatme,hiseyesfilledwithhumor.thenhescoopsmeupand
spinsmeunderhisarm.
“youdancesowell,”isay.“it’slikeicandance.”
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fiftyshadesfreed
hegivesmeasphinxlikesmilebutsaysnothing,andiwonderifit’sbecause
he’sthinkingofher...mrs.robinson,thewomanwhotaughthimhowto
dance—andhowtofuck.shehasn’tcrossedmymindforawhile.christian
hasnotmentionedhersincehisbirthday,andasfarasi’maware,their
businessrelationshipisover.reluctantlythough,iha一vetoadmit—shewas
someteacher.
hedipsmelowagainandplantsaswiftkissonmylips.
“i’dmissyourlove,”imurmur,echoingthelyrics.
“i’dmorethanmissyourlove,”hesaysandspinsmeoncemore.thenhe
singsthewordssoftlyinmyearmakingmeswoon.
thetrackendsandchristiangazesdownatme,hiseyesdarkandluminous,
allhumorgone,andi’msuddenlybreathless.
“cometobedwithme?”hewhispersandit’saheartfeltpleathattugsatmy
heart.
christian,youhadmeatido—twoandhalfweeksago.butiknowthisis
hiswayofapologizingandmakingsurealliswellbetweenusafterourspat.
wheniwake,thesunisshiningthroughtheportholesandthewaterreflects
shimmeringpatternsontothecabinceiling.christianisnowheretobeseen.
istretchoutandsmile.hmm...i’lltakeapunishmentfuckfollowedby
makeupsexanyday.imarvelwhatitistogotobedwithtwodifferentmen—
angrychristianandsweetlet-memake-it-up-to-you-in-any-way-i-can
christian.it’strickytodecidewhichofthemilikethebest.iriseandheadfor
thebathroom.openingthedoor,ifindchristianinsidesha一ving,naked
exceptforatowelwrappedaroundhiswaist.heturnsandbeamsatme,not
fazedthatiaminterruptinghim.iha一vediscoveredthatchristianwillnever
lockthedoorifheistheonlypersonintheroom—thereasonwhyis
sobering,andnotoneiwanttodwellon.
“goodmorning,mrs.grey,”hesays,radiatinghisgoodmood.
“goodmorningyourself.”igrinbackasiwatchhimsha一ve.ilovewatching
himsha一ve.hepullsuphischinandsha一vesbeneathit,takinglongdeliberate
strokes,andifindmyselfunconsciouslymirroringhisactions.pullingmy
upperlipdownjustashedoes,tosha一vehis
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eljames
philtrum.heturnsandsmirksatme,onehalfofhisfacestillcoveredin
sha一vingsoap.
“enjoyingtheshow?”heasks.
oh,christian,icouldwatchyouforhours.“oneofmyall-timefa一vorites,”i
murmur,andheleansdownandkissesmequickly,smearingsha一vingsoap
onmyface.
“shallidothistoyouagain?”hewhisperswickedlyandholdsuptherazor.
ipursemylipsathim.“no,”imutter,pretendingtosulk.“i’llwaxnexttime.”i
rememberchristian’sjoyinlondonwhenhe’ddiscoveredthatduringhis
onemeetingthere,i’dsha一vedoffmypubichairoutofcuriosity.ofcoursei
hadn’tdoneittomr.exacting’shighstandards...
~o0o~
“whatthehellha一veyoudone?”christianexclaims.hecannotkeephis
horrifiedamusementtohimself.hesitsupinbedinoursuiteatbrowns
hotelnearpiccadilly,switchesonthebedsidelightandgazesdownatme,
hismouthastartledo.itmustbemidnight.iblushthecolorofthesheetsin
theplayroomandtrytopulldownmysatinnightdresssohecan’tsee.he
grabsmyhandtostopme.
“ana!”
“i—err...sha一ved.”
“icanseethat.why?”he’sgrinningfromeartoear.icovermyfacewithmy
hands.whyamisoembarrassed?
“hey,”hesayssoftlyandpullsmyhandaway.“don’thide.”he’sbitinghislip
sothathewon’tlaugh.“tellme.why?”hiseyesdancewithmerriment.why
doeshefindthissofunny?
“stoplaughingatme.”
“i’mnotlaughingatyou.i’msorry.i’m...delighted,”hesays.
“oh...”
“tellme.why?”
itakeadeepbreath.“thismorning,afteryouleftforyourmeeting,itooka
showerandwasrememberingallyourrules.”
heblinks.thehumorinhisexpressionhasvanished,andheregardsme
cautiously.
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fiftyshadesfreed
“andiwastickingthemoffonebyoneandhowifeltaboutthem,andi
rememberedthebeautysalon,andithought...thisiswhatyou’dlike.i
wasn’tbra一veenoughtogetawax.”myvoicedisappearsintoawhisper.
hestaresatme,hiseyesglowing—thistimenotwithmirthatmyfolly,but
withlove.
“ohana,”hebreathes.heleansdownandkissesmetenderly.
“youbeguileme,”hewhispersagainstmylipsandkissesmeoncemore,
claspingmyfaceinbothhishands.
afterabreathlessmoment,hepullsbackandleansupononeelbow.the
humorisback.
“ithinkishoulddoathoroughinspectionofyourhandiwork,mrs.grey.”
“what?no.”hehastobekidding!icovermyself,protectingmyrecently
deforestedarea.
“ohnoyoudon’t,anastasia.”hegraspsmyhandsandpriesthemaway,
movingnimblysohe’sbetweenmylegs,pinningmyhandstomysides.he
givesmeaburninglookthatcouldlightdrytinder,butbeforeicombust,he
bendsandskimshislipsdownmynakedbellydirectlytomysex.isquirm
beneathhim,reluctantlyresignedtomyfate.
“well,whatha一vewehere?”christianplantsakisswhere,untilthismorning,i
hadpubichair—thenscrapeshisbristlychinacrossme.
“ah!”iexclaim.wow...that’ssensitive.
christian’seyesdarttomine,fullofsalaciouslonging.“ithinkyoumisseda
bit,”hemuttersandtugsgently,rightunderneath.
“oh...damn,”imutter,hopingthiswillputanendtohisfranklyintrusive
scrutiny.
“iha一veanidea.”heleapsnakedoutofbedandheadstothebathroom.
whatonearthishedoing?hereturnsmomentslater,carryingaglassof
water,amug,myrazor,hissha一vingbrush,soap,andatowel.heputsthe
water,brush,soap,andrazoronthebedsidetableandgazesdownatme,
holdingthetowel.
ohno!mysubconsciousslamsdownhercompleteworksofcharles
dickens,leapsupfromherarmchair,andputsherhandsonherhips.
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eljames
“no.no.no,”isqueak.
“mrs.grey,ifajob’sworthdoing,it’sworthdoingwell.liftyourhips.”his
eyesglow,summerstormgray.
“christian!youarenotsha一vingme.”
hetiltshisheadtooneside.“whyevernot?”
iflush...isn’titobvious?“because...it’sjusttoo...”
“intimate?”hewhispers.“ana,icra一veintimacywithyou—youknowthat.
besides,aftersomeofthethingswe’vedone,don’tgetallsqueamishonme
now.and,iknowthispartofyourbodybetterthanyoudo.”
igapeathim.ofallthearrogant...true,hedoes—butstill.“it’sjustwrong!”
myvoiceisprissyandwhiney.
“thisisn’twrong—thisishot.”
hot?really?“thisturnsyouon?”ican’tkeeptheastonishmentoutofmy
voice.
hesnorts.“can’tyoutell?”heglancesdownathisarousal.“iwanttosha一ve
you,”hewhispers
oh,whatthehell.ilieback,throwingmyarmovermyfacesoidon’tha一veto
watch.
“ifitmakesyouhappy,christian,goahead.youaresokinky,”imutter,asi
liftmyhips,andheslipsthetowelbeneathme.hekissesmyinnerthigh.
“ohbaby,howrightyouare.”
ihearthesloshofwaterashedipsthesha一vingbrushintheglassofwater,
thenthesoftswirlofthebrushinthemug.hegraspsmyleftankleandparts
mylegs,andthebeddipsashesitsbetweenmylegs.
“i’dreallyliketotieyouuprightnow,”hemurmurs.
“ipromisetokeepstill.”
“good.”
igaspasherunsthelatheredbrushovermypubicbone.it’swarm.the
waterintheglassmustbehot.isquirmalittle.ittickles...butinagoodway.
“don’tmove,”christianadmonishesandappliesthebrushagain.
“oriwilltieyoudown,”headdsdarkly,andadeliciousshiverrunsdownmy
spine.
“ha一veyoudonethisbefore?”iasktentativelywhenhereachesfortherazor.
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fiftyshadesfreed
“no.”
“oh.good.”igrin.
“anotherfirst,mrs.grey.”
“hmm.ilikefirsts.”
“me,too.heregoes.”andwithagentlenessthatsurprisesme,herunsthe
razorovermysensitiveflesh.“keepstill,”hesaysdistractedly,andiknow
he’sconcentratinghard.
itonlytakesamatterofminutesbeforehegrabsthetowelandwipesallthe
excesslatheroffme.
“there—that’smorelikeit,”hemuses,andifinallyliftmyarmtolookathim
ashesitsbacktoadmirehishandiwork.
“happy?”iask,myvoicehoarse.
“very.”hegrinswickedlyandslowlyeasesafingerinsideme.
~o0o~
“butthatwasfun,”hesayshiseyesgentlymocking.