shehasbeenasleepforalongtime.ibrushherhairbecauseshelikesthat.

shedoesn’twakeup.ishakeher.mommy!mytummyhurts.itishungry.heisn’there.iamthirsty.inthekitchenipullachairtothesinkandiha一veadrink.thewatersplashesovermybluesweater.mommyisstillasleep.

mommywakeup!sheliesstill.sheiscold.ifetchmyblankieandicovermommyandiliedownonthestickygreenrugbesideher.mommyisstillasleep.iha一vetwotoycars.theyracebythefloorwheremommyissleeping.

ithinkmommyissick.isearchforsomethingtoeat.intheiceboxifindpeas.theyarecold.ieatthemslowly.theymakemytummyhurt.isleepbesidemommy.thepeasaregone.intheiceboxissomething.itsmellsfunny.ilickitandmytongueisstucktoit.ieatitslowly.ittastesnasty.idrinksomewater.iplaywithmycarsandisleepbesidemommy.mommyissocoldandshewon’twakeup.thedoorcrashesopen.icovermommywithmyblankie.he’shere.fuck.whatthefuckhappenedhere?ohthecrazyfuckedupbitch.shit.fuck.getoutofmyway,youlittleshit.hekicksmeandihitmyheadonthefloor.myheadhurts.hecallssomebodyandhegoes.helocksthedoor.ilaydownbesidemommy.myheadhurts.theladypolicemanishere.no.no.no.don’ttouchme.don’ttouchme.don’ttouchme.istaybymommy.no.stayawayfromme.theladypolicemanhasmyblankieandshegrabsme.iscream.mommy!mommy!iwantmymommy.

thewordsaregone.ican’tsaythewords.mommycan’thearme.iha一venowords.

“christian!christian!”hervoiceisurgent,pullinghimfromthedepthsofhisnightmare,thedepthsofhisdespair.“i’mhere.i’mhere.”

hewakesandshe’sleaningoverhim,graspinghisshoulders,shakinghim,herfaceetchedwithanguish,blueeyeswideandbrimmingwithtears.

“ana,”hisvoiceisabreathlesswhisper,thetasteoffeartarnishinghismouth.“you’rehere.”

“ofcoursei’mhere.”

“ihadadream...”

“iknow.i’mhere,i’mhere.”

“ana.”hebreatheshernameandit’satalismanagainsttheblackchokingpanicthatcoursesthroughhisbody.

“hush,i’mhere.”shecurlsaroundhim,herlimbscocooninghim,herwarmthleechingintohisbody,forcingbacktheshadows,forcingbackthefear.sheissunshine,sheislight...sheishis.

“pleaselet’snotfight.”hisvoiceishoarseashewrapshisarmsaroundher.

“okay.”

“thevows.noobeying.icandothat.we’llfindaway.”thewordsrushoutofhismouthinatumbleofemotionandconfusionandanxiety.

“yes.wewill.wewillalwaysfindaway,”shewhispersandherlipsareonhis,silencinghim,bringinghimbacktothenow.