五十度灰(Fifty Shades of Grey)英文版 Part II 16

“emotionally,christianisanadolescent,ana.he

bypassedthatphaseinhislifetotally.he’schanneledall

hisenergiesintosucceedinginthebusinessworld,andhe

hasbeyondallexpectations.hisemotionalworldhasto

playcatch-up.”

“sohowdoihelp?”

dr.flynnlaughs.“justkeepdoingwhatyou’redoing,”

hegrinsatme.“christianisheadoverheels.it’sadelight

tosee.”

iflush,andmyinnergoddessishuggingherselfwith

glee,butsomethingbothersme.

“caniaskyouonemorething?”

“ofcourse.”

itakeadeepbreath.“partofmethinksthatifhe

wasn’tthisbrokenhewouldn’t...wantme.”

dr.flynn’seyebrowsshootupinsurprise.“that’sa

verynegativethingtosayaboutyourself,ana.andfrankly

itsaysmoreaboutyouthanitdoesaboutchristian.it’s

notquiteuptherewithhisself-loathing,buti’msurprised

byit.”

“well,lookathim...andthenlookatme.”

dr.flynnfrowns.“iha一ve.iseeanattractiveyoung

man,andiseeanattractiveyoungwoman.ana,why

don’tyouthinkofyourselfasattractive?”

ohno...idon’twantthistobeaboutme.istare

downatmyfingers.there’sasharpknockonthedoor

thatmakesmejump.christiancomesbackintotheroom,

glaringatbothofus.iflushandglancequicklyatflynn,

whoissmilingbenignlyatchristian.

“welcomeback,christian,”hesays.

“ithinktimeisup,john.”

“nearly,christian.joinus.”

christiansitsdown,besidemethistime,andplaceshis

handpossessivelyonmyknee.hisactiondoesnotgo

unnoticedbydr.flynn.

“didyouha一veanyotherquestions,ana?”dr.flynn

asksandhisconcernisobvious.shit...ishouldnotha一ve

askedthatquestion.ishakemyhead.

“christian?”

“nottoday,john.”

flynnnods.

“itmaybebeneficialifyoubothcomeagain.i’msure

anawillha一vemorequestions.”

christiannods,reluctantly.

iflush.shit...hewantstodelve.christianclaspsmy

handandregardsmeintently.

“okay?”heaskssoftly.

ismileathim,nodding.yes,we’regoingforthe

benefitofthedoub一t,courtesyofthegooddoctorfrom

england.

christiansqueezesmyhandandturnstoflynn.

“howisshe?”heaskssoftly.

me?

“she’llgetthere,”hesaysreassuringly.

“good.keepmeupdatedofherprogress.”

“iwill.”

holyfuck.they’retalkingaboutleila.

“shallwegoandcelebrateyourpromotion?”christian

asksmepointedly.

inodshylyaschristianstands.

wesayourquickgood-byestodr.flynn,and

christianushersmeoutwithunseemlyhaste.

inthestreet,heturnstome.“howwasthat?”hisvoiceis

anxious.

“itwasgood.”

heregardsmesuspiciously.icockmyheadtoone

side.

“mr.grey,pleasedon’tlookatmethatway.under

doctor’sordersiamgoingtogiveyouthebenefitofthe

doub一t.”

“whatdoesthatmean?”

“you’llsee.”

hismouthtwistsandhiseyesnarrow.“getinthecar,”

heorderswhileopeningthepassengerdoorofthesaab.

oh,changeofdirection.myblackberrybuzzes.ihaul

itoutofmypurse.

shit,josé!

“hi!”

“ana,hi...”

istareatfifty,whoiseyeingmesuspiciously.“josé,”i

mouthathim.hestaresimpassivelyatme,buthiseyes

harden.doeshethinkidon’tnotice?iturnmyattention

backtojosé.

“sorryiha一ven’tcalledyou.isitabouttomorrow?”i

askjosé,butstareupatchristian.

“yeah,listen—ispokewithsomeguyatgrey’splace,

soiknowwherei’mdeliveringthephotos,andishould

gettherebetweenfiveandsix...afterthat,i’mfree.”

oh.

“well,i’mactuallystayingwithchristianatthe

moment,andifyouwantto,hesaysyoucanstayathis

place.”

christianpresseshismouthinahardline.hmm—

somehostheis.

joséissilentforamoment,absorbingthisnews.i

cringe.iha一ven’thadachancetotalktohimabout

christian.

“okay,”hesayseventually.“thisthingwithgrey,it’s

serious?”

iturnawayfromthecarandpacetotheothersideof

thesidewalk.

“yes.”

“howserious?”

irollmyeyesandpause.whydoeschristianha一veto

belistening?

“serious.”

“ishewithyounow?thatwhyyou’respeakingin

monosyllables?”

“yes.”

“okay.soareyouallowedouttomorrow?”

“ofcourseiam.”ihope.iautomaticallycrossmy

fingers.

“sowhereshallimeetyou?”

“youcouldcollectmefromwork,”ioffer.

“okay.”

“i’lltextyoutheaddress.”

“whattime?”

“saysix?”

“sure.i’llseeyouthen,ana.lookingforwardtoit.i

missyou.”

igrin.“cool.i’llseeyouthen.”iswitchthephoneoff

andturn.

christianisleaningagainstthecarwatchingme

carefully,hisexpressionimpossibletoread.

“how’syourfriend?”heaskscoolly.

“he’swell.he’llpickmeupfromwork,andithink

we’llgoforadrink.wouldyouliketojoinus?”

christianhesitates,hisgrayeyescool.“youdon’t

thinkhe’lltryanything?”

“no!”mytoneisexasperated—butirefrainfrom

rollingmyeyes.

“okay,”christianholdshishandsupindefeat.“you

hangoutwithyourfriend,andi’llseeyoulaterinthe

evening.”

iwasexpectingafight,andhiseasyacquiescence

throwsmeoffbalance.

“see?icanbereasonable.”hesmirks.

mymouthtwists.we’llseeaboutthat.

“canidrive?”

christianblinksatme,surprisedbymyrequest.

“i’dratheryoudidn’t.”

“why,exactly?”

“becauseidon’tliketobedriven.”

“youmanagedthismorning,andyouseemtotolerate

taylordrivingyou.”

“itrusttaylor’sdrivingimplicitly.”

“andnotmine?”iputmyhandsonmyhips.“honestly

—yourcontrolfreakeryknowsnobounds.i’vebeen

drivingsinceiwasfifteen.”

heshrugsinresponse,asifthisisofnoconsequence

whatsoever.oh—he’ssoexasperating!benefitofthe

doub一t?well,screwthat.

“isthismycar?”idemand.

hefrownsatme.“ofcourseit’syourcar.”

“thengivemethekeys,please.i’vedrivenittwice,

andonlytoandfromwork.nowyou’reha一vingallthe

fun.”iaminfull-onpoutmode.christian’slipstwitchwith

arepressedsmile.

“butyoudon’tknowwherewe’regoing.”

“i’msureyoucanenlightenme,mr.grey.you’ve

doneagreatjobofitsofar.”

hegazesatmestunnedthensmiles,hisnewshysmile

thattotallydisarmsmeandtakesmybreathaway.

“greatjob,eh?”hemurmurs.

iblush.“mostly,yes.”

“well,inthatcase.”hehandsmethekeys,walks

roundtothedriver’sdoor,andopensitforme.

“lefthere,”christianorders,andweheadnorthtoward

thei-5.“hell—gently,ana.”hegrabsholdofthe

dashboard.

oh,forhea一ven’ssake.irollmyeyes,butdon’tturnto

lookathim.vanmorrisoncroonsinthebackgroundover

thecarsoundsystem.

“slowdown!”

“iamslowingdown!”

christiansighs.“whatdidflynnsay?”ihearhis

anxietyleachingintohisvoice.

“itoldyou.hesaysishouldgiveyouthebenefitofthe

doub一t.”damn—maybeishouldha一veletchristiandrive.

thenicouldwatchhim.infact...isignaltopullover.

“whatareyoudoing?”hesnaps,alarmed.

“lettingyoudrive.”

“why?”

“soicanlookatyou.”

helaughs.“no,no—youwantedtodrive.so,you

drive,andi’lllookatyou.”

iscowlathim.“keepyoureyesontheroad!”he

shouts.

mybloodboils.right!ipullovertothecurbjust

beforeastoplightandstormoutofthecar,slammingthe

door,andstandonthesidewalk,armsfolded,iglareat

him.heclimbsoutofthecar.

“whatareyoudoing?”heasksangrily,staringdownat

me.

“no.whatareyoudoing?”

“youcan’tparkhere.”

“iknowthat.”

“sowhyha一veyou?”

“becausei’vehaditwithyoubarkingorders.either

youdriveoryoushutupaboutmydriving!”

“anastasia,getbackinthecarbeforewegetaticket.”

“no.”

heblinksatme,atatotalloss,thenrunshishands

throughhishair,andhisangerbecomesbewilderment.he

lookssocomicalallofasudden,andican’thelpbutsmile

athim.hefrowns.

“what?”hesnapsoncemore.

“you.”

“oh,anastasia!youarethemostfrustratingfemaleon

theplanet.”hethrowshishandsintheair.“fine—i’ll

drive.”igrabtheedgesofhisjacketandpullhimtome.

“no—youarethemostfrustratingmanontheplanet,

mr.grey.”

hegazesdownatme,hiseyesdarkandintense,he

snakeshisarmsaroundmywaistandembracesme,

holdingmeclose.

“maybewe’remeantforeachother,then,”hesays

softlyandinhalesdeeply,hisnoseinmyhair.iwrapmy

armsaroundhimandclosemyeyes.forthefirsttime

sincethismorning,ifeelmyselfrelax.

“oh...ana,ana,ana,”hebreathes,hislipspressed

againstmyhair.itightenmyarmsaroundhim,andwe

stand,immobile,enjoyingamomentofunexpected

tranquility,onthestreet.releasingme,heopensthe

passengerdoor.iclimbinandsitquietly,watchinghim

walkaroundthecar.

restartingthecar,christianpullsoutintothetraffic,

absentmindedlyhummingalongtovanmorrison.

whoa.i’veneverheardhimsing,noteveninthe

shower,ever.ifrown.hehasalovelyvoice—ofcourse.

hmm...hasheheardmesing?

hewouldn’tbeaskingyoutomarryhimifhehad!

mysubconscioushasherarmscrossedandiswearing

burberrycheck...jeez.thesongfinishesandchristian

smirks.

“youknow,ifwehadgottenaticket,thetitleofthis

carisinyourname.”

“well,goodthingi’vebeenpromoted—icanafford

thefine,”isaysmugly,staringathislovelyprofile.hislips

twitch.anothervanmorrisonsongstartsplayingashe

takestheon-ramptoi-5,headingnorth.

“wherearewegoing?”

“it’sasurprise.whatelsedidflynnsay?”

isigh.“hetalkedaboutfffstborsomething.”

“sfb一t.thelatesttherapyoption,”hemutters.

“you’vetriedothers?”

christiansnorts.“baby,i’vebeensubjectedtothem

all.cognitivism,freud,functionalism,gestalt,

beha一viorism...younameit,overtheyearsi’vedoneit,”

hesaysandhistonebetrayshisbitterness.therancorin

hisvoiceisdistressing.

“doyouthinkthislatestapproachwillhelp?”

“whatdidflynnsay?”

“hesaidnottodwellonyourpast.focusonthefuture

—onwhereyouwanttobe.”

christiannodsbutshrugsatthesametime,his

expressioncautious.

“whatelse?”hepersists.

“hetalkedaboutyourfearofbeingtouched,although

hecalleditsomethingelse.andaboutyournightmaresand

yourself-abhorrence.”iglanceathim,andintheevening

light,he’spensive,chewingonhisthumbnailashedrives.

heglancesquicklyatme.

“eyesontheroad,mr.grey,”iadmonish,my

eyebrowcockedathim.

helooksamused,andslightlyexasperated.“youwere

talkingforever,anastasia.whatelsedidhesay?”

iswallow.“hedoesn’tthinkyou’reasadist,”i

whisper.

“really?”christiansaysquietlyandfrowns.the

atmosphereinthecartakesanosedive.

“hesaysthatterm’snotrecognizedinpsychiatry.not

sincethenineties,”imutter,quicklytryingtorescuethe

moodbetweenus.

christian’sfacedarkens,andheexhalesslowly.

“flynnandiha一vedifferingopinionsonthis,”hesays

quietly.

“hesaidyoualwaysthinktheworstofyourself.i

knowthat’strue,”imurmur.“healsomentionedsexual

sadism—buthesaidthatwasalifestylechoice,nota

psychiatriccondition.maybethat’swhatyou’rethinking

about.”

hisgrayeyesflashtowardmeagain,andhismouth

setsinagrimline.

“so—onetalkwiththegooddoctorandyou’rean

expert,”hesaysacidlyandturnshiseyesfront.

ohdear...isigh.

“look—ifyoudon’twanttohearwhathesaid,don’t

askme,”imuttersoftly.

idon’twanttoargue.anywayhe’sright—whatthe

helldoiknowaboutallhisshit?doievenwanttoknow?

icanlistthesalientpoints—hiscontrolfreakery,his

possessiveness,hisjealousy,hisoverprotectiveness—and

icompletelyunderstandwherehe’scomingfrom.ican

evenunderstandwhyhedoesn’tliketobetouched—i’ve

seenthephysicalscars.icanonlyimaginethementalones,

andi’veonlyglimpsedhisnightmaresonce.anddr.flynn

said—

“iwanttoknowwhatyoudiscussed.”christian

interruptsmythoughtsasheheadsoffi-5onexit172,

headingwesttowardtheslowlysinkingsun.

“hecalledmeyourlover.”

“didhenow?”histoneisconciliatory.“well,he’s

nothingifnotfastidiousabouthisterms.ithinkthat’san

accuratedescription.don’tyou?”

“didyouthinkofyoursubsaslovers?”

christian’sbrowcreasesoncemore,butthistimehe’s

thinking.heturnsthesaabsmoothlynorthonceagain.

wherearewegoing?

“no.theyweresexualpartners,”hemurmurs,his

voicecautiousagain.“you’remyonlylover.andiwant

youtobemore.”

oh...there’sthatmagicalwordagain,brimmingwith

possibility.itmakesmesmile,andinsideihugmyself,my

innergoddessradiatingjoy.

“iknow,”iwhisper,tryinghardtohidemyexcitement.

“ijustneedsometime,christian.togetmyheadaround

theselastfewdays.”heglancesatmeoddly,perplexed,

hisheadinclinedtooneside.

afterabeat,thestoplightwe’restationedatturns

green.henodsandturnsthemusicup,andourdiscussion

isover.

vanmorrisonisstillsinging—moreoptimisticallynow

—aboutitbeingamarvelousnightformoondancing.i

gazeoutthewindowsatthepinesandsprucedustedgold

bythefadinglightofthesun,theirlongshadowsstretching

acrosstheroad.christianhasturnedintoamore

residentialstreet,andwe’reheadingwesttowardthe

sound.

“wherearewegoing?”iaskagainasweturnintoa

road.icatcharoadsign—9tha一venw.iambaffled.

“surprise,”hesaysandsmilesmysteriously.

christiancontinuestodrivepastsingle-story,well-kept,

clapboardhouseswherekidsplayeitherclusteredaround

theirbasketballhoopsintheiryardsorcyclingandrunning

aroundinthestreet.italllooksaffluentandwholesome

withthehousesnestlingamongthetrees.perhapswe’re

goingtovisitsomeone?who?

afewminuteslater,christianturnssharplyleft,andwe’re

confrontedbytwoornatewhitemetalgatessetinasixfoot-

high,sandstonewall.christianpressesabuttononhis

doorhandleandtheelectricwindowhumsquietlydown

intothedoorframe.hepunchesanumberintothekeypad

andthegatesswingopeninwelcome.

heglancesatme,andhisexpressionhaschanged.he

looksuncertain,nervouseven.

“whatisit?”iask,andican’tmasktheconcerninmy

voice.

“anidea,”hesaysquietlyandeasesthesaabthrough

thegates.

weheadupatree-linedlanejustwideenoughfortwo

cars.ononeside,thetreesringadenselywoodedarea,

andontheotherthere’savastareaofgrasslandwherea

once-cultivatedfieldhasbeenleftfallow.grassesand

wildflowersha一vereclaimedit,creatingaruralidyll—a

meadow,wherethelateeveningbreezesoftlyripples

throughthegrassandtheeveningsungildsthewildflowers.

it’slovely—utterlytranquil,andsuddenlyiimaginemyself

lyinginthegrassandgazingupataclearbluesummersky.

thethoughtistantalizingyetmakesmefeelhomesickfor

somestrangereason.howodd.

thelanecurvesaroundandopensintoasweeping

drivewayinfrontofanimpressivemediterranean-style

houseofsoftpinksandstone.it’spalatial.allthelightsare

on,eachwindowbrightlyilluminatedinthedusk.there’sa

smart,blackbmwparkedinfrontofthefour-cargarage,

butchristianpullsupoutsidethegrandportico.

hmm...iwonderwholiveshere?whyarewe

visiting?

christianglancesanxiouslyatmeasheswitchesoffthe

carengine.

“willyoukeepanopenmind?”heasks.

ifrown.

“christian,i’veneededanopenmindsincethedayi

metyou.”

hesmilesironicallyandnods.“fairpointwellmade,

misssteele.let’sgo.”

thedarkwooddoorsopen,andawomanwithdark

brownhair,asinceresmile,andasharplilacsuitstands

waiting.i’mgratefulichangedintomynewna一vyshift

dresstoimpressdr.flynn.okay,i’mnotwearingkiller

heelslikeher—butstill,i’mnotinjeans.

“mr.grey.”shesmileswarmlyandtheyshakehands.

“misskelly,”hesayspolitely.

shesmilesatmeandholdsoutherhand,whichi

shake.herisn’t-he-dreamily-gorgeous-wish-he-was-mine

flushdoesnotgounnoticed.

“olgakelly,”sheannouncesbreezily.

“anasteele,”imutterbackather.whoisthis

woman?shestandsaside,welcomingusintothehouse.

it’sashockwhenistepin.theplaceisempty—

completelyempty.wefindourselvesinalargeentrance

hall.thewallsareafadedprimroseyellowwith

scuffmarkswherepicturesmustonceha一vehung.allthat

remainsaretheold-fashionedcrystallightfixtures.the

floorsaredullhardwood.therearecloseddoorstoeither

sideofus,butchristiangivesmenotimetoassimilate

what’shappening.

“come,”hesays,andtakingmyhand,heleadsme

throughthearchwayinfrontofusintoalargerinner

vestibule.it’sdominatedbyacurved,sweepingstaircase

withanintricateironbalustradebutstillhedoesn’tstop.

hetakesmethroughtothemainlivingarea,whichis

empty,sa一veforalargefadedgoldrug—thebiggestrugi

ha一veeverseen.oh—andtherearefourcrystal

chandeliers.

butchristian’sintentionisnowclearaswehead

acrosstheroomandoutsidethroughopenfrenchdoors

toalargestoneterrace.belowusthere’shalfafootball

fieldofmanicuredlawn,butbeyondthatistheview.wow.

thepanoramic,uninterruptedvistaisbreathtaking—

staggeringeven:twilightoverthesound.ohmy.

inthedistanceliesbainbridgeisland,andfurtherstill

onthiscrystalclearevening,thesettingsunsinksslowly,

glowingbloodandflameorange,beyondolympic

nationalpark.vermillionhuesbleedintothesky—opals,

aquamarines,ceruleans—meldingwiththedarkerpurples

ofthescantwispycloudsandthelandbeyondthesound.

itisnature’sbest,avisualsymphonyorchestratedinthe

skyandreflectedinthedeep,stillwatersofthesound.i

amlosttotheview—staring,tryingtoabsorbsuch

beauty.

irealizei’mholdingmybreathinawe,andchristianis

stillholdingmyhand.asireluctantlyturnmyeyesaway

fromtheview,he’sgazinganxiouslyatme.

“youbroughtmeheretoadmiretheview?”iwhisper.

henods,hisexpressionserious.

“it’sstaggering,christian.thankyou,”imurmur,

lettingmyeyesfeastonitoncemore.hereleasesmy

hand.

“howwouldyouliketolookatitfortherestofyour

life?”hebreathes.

what?iwhipmyfacebacktohis,startledblueeyes

topensivegray.ithinkmymouthdropsopen,andigape

athimblankly.

“i’vealwayswantedtoliveonthecoast.isailupand

downthesoundcovetingthesehouses.thisplacehasn’t

beenonthemarketlong.iwanttobuyit,demolishit,and

buildanewhouse—forus,”hewhispers,andhiseyes

glow,translucentwithhishopesanddreams.

holycow.somehowiremainupright.i’mreeling.

live,here!inthisbeautifulha一ven!fortherestofmy

life...

“it’sjustanidea,”headds,cautiously.

iglancebacktoassesstheinteriorofthehouse.how

muchisitworth?itmustbe,what—five,tenmillion

dollars?iha一venoidea.holyshit.

“whydoyouwanttodemolishit?”iask,lookingback

athim.hisfacefallsslightly.ohno.

“i’dliketomakeamoresustainablehome,usingthe

latestecologicaltechniques.elliotcouldbuildit.”

igazebackattheroomagain.missolgakellyison

thefarside,hoveringbytheentrance.she’stherealtor,of

course.inoticetheroomishugeanddoubleheight,alittle

likethegreatroomatescala.there’sabalconyabove—

thatmustbethelandingonthesecondfloor.there’sa

hugefireplaceandawholelineoffrenchdoorsopening

ontotheterrace.ithasanold-worldcharm.

“canwelookaroundthehouse?”

heblinksatme.“sure,”heshrugs,puzzled.

misskelly’sfacelightsuplikechristmaswhenwe

headbackin.she’sdelightedtotakeusonatourand

givesusthespiel.

thehouseisenormous:twelvethousandsquarefeeton

sixacresofland.aswellasthismainlivingroom,there’s

theeat-in—no,banquet-in—kitchenwithfamilyroom

attached—family!—amusicroom,alibrary,astudyand,

muchtomyamazement,anindoorpoolandexercisesuite

withsaunaandsteamroomattached.downstairsinthe

basementthere’sacinema—jeez—andgameroom.

hmm...whatsortofgamescouldweplayinhere?

misskellypointsoutallsortsoffeatures,butbasically

thehouseisbeautifulandwasobviouslyatonetimea

happyfamilyhome.it’salittleshabbynow,butnothing

thatsometlccouldn’tcure.

aswefollowmisskellyupthemagnificentmainstairs

tothesecondfloor,icanhardlycontainmyexcitement...

thishousehaseverythingicouldeverwishforinahome.

“couldn’tyoumaketheexistinghousemoreecological

andself-sustaining?”

christianblinksatme,nonplussed.“i’dha一vetoask

elliot.he’stheexpertinallthis.”