“nojosé,stop–no.”ipushhim,buthe’sawallofhardmuscle,andicannotshifthim.hishandhasslippedintomyhair,andhe’sholdingmyheadinplace.

“please,ana,cari?a,”hewhispersagainstmylips.hisbreathissoftandsmellstoosweet–ofmargaritaandbeer.hegentlytrailskissesalongmyjawuptothesideofmymouth.ifeelpanicky,drunk,andoutofcontrol.thefeelingissuffocating.

“josé,no,”iplead.idon’twantthis.youaremyfriend,andithinki’mgoingtothrowup.

“ithinktheladysaidno.”avoiceinthedarksaysquietly.holyshit!christiangrey,he’shere.how?joséreleasesme.

“grey,”hesaystersely.iglanceanxiouslyupatchristian.he’sgloweringatjosé,andhe’sfurious.crap.mystomachhea一ves,andidoubleover,mybodynolongerabletotoleratethealcohol,andivomitspectacularlyontotheground.

“ugh–diosmio,ana!”joséjumpsbackindisgust.greygrabsmyhairandpullsitoutofthefiringlineandgentlyleadsmeovertoaraisedflowerbedontheedgeoftheparkinglot.inote,withdeepgratitude,thatit’sinrelativedarkness.

“ifyou’regoingtothrowupagain,doithere.i’llholdyou.”hehasonearmaroundmyshoulders–theotherisholdingmyhairinamakeshiftponytaildownmybacksoit’soffmyface.itryawkwardlytopushhimaway,butivomitagain…andagain.ohshit…howlongisthisgoingtolast?evenwhenmystomach’semptyandnothingiscomingup,

horribledryhea一veswrackmybody.ivowsilentlythati’llnevereverdrinkagain.thisisjusttooappallingforwords.finally,itstops.

myhandsarerestingonthebrickwalloftheflowerbed,barelyholdingmeup-vomitingprofuselyisexhausting.greytakeshishandsoffmeandpassesmeahandkerchief.onlyhewouldha一veamonogrammed,freshlylaundered,linenhandkerchief.ctg.ididn’tknowyoucouldstillbuythese.vaguelyiwonderwhatthetstandsforasiwipemymouth.icannotbringmyselftolookathim.i’mswampedwithshame,disgustedwithmyself.iwanttobeswallowedupbytheazaleasintheflowerbedandbeanywherebuthere.

joséisstillhoveringbytheentrancetothebar,watchingus.igroanandputmyheadinmyhands.thishastobethesingleworstmomentofmylife.myheadisstillswimmingasitrytorememberaworseone–andicanonlycomeupwithchristian’srejection–andthisisso,somanyshadesdarkerintermsofhumiliation.iriskapeekathim.he’sstaringdownatme,hisfacecomposed,givingnothingaway.turning,iglanceatjoséwholooksprettyshamefacedhimselfand,likeme,intimidatedbygrey.iglareathim.iha一veafewchoicewordsformyso-calledfriend,noneofwhichicanrepeatinfrontofchristiangreyceo.anawhoareyoukidding,he’sjustseenyouhurlalloverthegroundandintothelocalflora.there’snodisguisingyourlackofladylikebeha一vior.

“i’llerr…seeyouinside,”josémutters,butwebothignorehim,andheslinksoffbackintothebuilding.i’monmyownwithgrey.doublecrap.whatshouldisaytohim?apologizeforthephonecall.

“i’msorry,”imutter,staringatthehandkerchiefwhichiamfuriouslyworryingwithmyfingers.it’ssosoft.

“whatareyousorryforanastasia?”

ohcrap,hewantshisdamnedpoundofflesh.

“thephonecallmainly,beingsick.oh,thelistisendless,”imurmur,feelingmyskincoloringup.please,pleasecanidienow?

“we’veallbeenhere,perhapsnotquiteasdramaticallyasyou,”hesaysdryly.“it’saboutknowingyourlimits,anastasia.imean,i’mallforpushinglimits,butreallythisisbeyondthepale.doyoumakeahabitofthiskindofbeha一vior?”

myheadbuzzeswithexcessalcoholandirritation.whatthehellhasitgottodowithhim?ididn’tinvitehimhere.hesoundslikeamiddle-agedmanscoldingmelikeanerrantchild.partofmewantstosay,ifiwanttogetdrunkeverynightlikethis,thenit’smydecisionandnothingtodowithhim–buti’mnotbra一veenough.notnowthati’vethrownupinfrontofhim.whyishestillstandingthere?

“no,”isaycontritely.“i’veneverbeendrunkbeforeandrightnowiha一venodesiretoeverbeagain.”

ijustdon’tunderstandwhyhe’shere.ibegintofeelfaint.henoticesmydizzinessandgrabsmebeforeifallandhoistsmeintohisarms,holdingmeclosetohischestlikeachild.

“comeon,i’lltakeyouhome,”hemurmurs.

“ineedtotellkate.”holymoses,i’minhisarmsagain.

“mybrothercantellher.”

“what?”

“mybrotherelliotistalkingtomisska一vanagh.”

“oh?”idon’tunderstand.

“hewaswithmewhenyouphoned.”

“inseattle?”i’mconfused.

“no,i’mstayingattheheathman.”

still?why?

“howdidyoufindme?”

“itrackedyourcellphoneanastasia.”

oh,ofcoursehedid.howisthatpossible?isitlegal?stalker,mysubconsciouswhispersatmethroughthecloudoftequilathat’sstillfloatinginmybrain,butsomehow,becauseit’shim,idon’tmind.

“doyouha一veajacketorapurse?”

“err…yes,icamewithboth.christian,please,ineedtotellkate.she’llworry.”hismouthpressesintoahardline,andhesighshea一vily.

“ifyoumust.”

hesetsmedown,and,takingmyhand,leadsmebackintothebar.ifeelweak,stilldrunk,embarrassed,exhausted,mortified,andonsomestrangelevelabsolutelyoffthescalethrilled.he’sclutchingmyhand–suchaconfusingarrayofemotions.i’llneedatleastaweektoprocessthemall.

it’snoisy,crowded,andthemusichasstartedsothereisalargecrowdonthedancefloor.kateisnotatourtable,andjoséhasdisappeared.levilookslostandforlornonhisown.

“where’skate?”ishoutatleviabovethenoise.myheadisbeginningtopoundintimetothethumpingbasslineofthemusic.

“dancing,”levishouts,andicantellhe’smad.he’seyeingchristiansuspiciously.istruggleintomyblackjacketandplacemysmallshoulderbagovermyheadsoitsitsatmyhip.i’mreadytogo,oncei’veseenkate.

“she’sonthedancefloor,”itouchchristian’sarmandleanupandshoutinhisear,brushinghishairwithmynose,smellinghisclean,freshsmell.ohmy.allthoseforbidden,unfamiliarfeelingsthatiha一vetriedtodenysurfaceandrunamokthroughmydrainedbody.iflush,andsomewheredeep,deepdownmymusclesclenchdeliciously.

herollshiseyesatmeandtakesmyhandagainandleadsmetothebar.he’sservedimmediately,nowaitingformr.control-freakgrey.doeseverythingcomesoeasilytohim?ican’thearwhatheorders.hehandsmeaverylargeglassoficedwater.

“drink,”heshoutshisorderatme.

themovinglightsaretwistingandturningintimetothemusiccastingstrangecoloredlightandshadowsalloverthebarandtheclientele.he’salternatelygreen,blue,white,andademonicred.he’swatchingmeintently.itakeatentativesip.

“allofit,”heshouts.

he’ssooverbearing.herunshishandthroughhisunrulyhair.helooksfrustrated,angry.whatishisproblem?apartfromasillydrunkgirlringinghiminthemiddleofthenightsohethinkssheneedsrescuing.anditturnsoutshedoesfromheroveramorousfriend.thenseeingherbeingviolentlyillathisfeet.ohana…areyouevergoingtolivethisdown?mysubconsciousisfigurativelytuttingandglaringatmeoverherhalfmoonspecs.iswayslightly,andheputshishandonmyshouldertosteadyme.idoasi’mtold

anddrinktheentireglass.itmakesmefeelqueasy.takingtheglassfromme,heplacesitonthebar.inoticethroughablurwhathe’swearing;aloosewhitelinenshirt,snugjeans,blackconversesneakers,andadarkpinstripedjacket.hisshirtisunbuttonedatthetop,andiseeasprinklingofhairinthegap.inmygroggyframeofmind,helooksyummy.

hetakesmyhandoncemore.holycow–he’sleadingmeontothedancefloor.shit.idonotdance.hecansensemyreluctance,andunderthecoloredlights,icanseehisamused,slightlysardonicsmile.hegivesmyhandasharptug,andi’minhisarmsagain,andhestartstomove,takingmewithhim.boy,hecandance,andican’tbelievethati’mfollowinghimstepforstep.maybeit’sbecausei’mdrunkthaticankeepup.he’sholdingmetightagainsthim,hisbodyagainstmine…ifhewasn’tclutchingmesotightly,i’msureiwouldswoonathisfeet.inthebackofmymind,mymother’soften-recitedwarningcomestome:nevertrustamanwhocandance.

hemovesusthroughthecrowdedthrongofdancerstotheothersideofthedancefloor,andwearebesidekateandelliot,christian’sbrother.themusicispoundingaway,loudandleery,outsideandinsidemyhead.igasp.kateismakinghermoves.she’sdancingherassoff,andsheonlyeverdoesthatifshelikessomeone.reallylikessomeone.itmeansthere’llbethreeofusforbreakfasttomorrowmorning.kate!

christianleansoverandshoutsinelliot’sear.icannothearwhathesays.elliotistallwithwideshoulders,curlyblondehair,andlight,wickedlygleamingeyes.ican’ttellthecolorunderthepulsatingheatoftheflashinglights.elliotgrins,andpullskateintohisarms,wheresheismorethanhappytobe…kate!eveninmyinebriatedstate,iamshocked.she’sonlyjustmethim.shenodsatwhateverelliotsaysandgrinsatmeandwa一ves.christianpropelsusoffthedancefloorindoublequicktime.

butinevergottotalktoher.issheokay?icanseewherethingsareheadingforherandhim.ineedtodothesafesexlecture.inthebackofmymind,ihopeshereadsoneofthepostersonthebackofthetoiletdoors.mythoughtscrashthroughmybrain,fightingthedrunk,fuzzyfeeling.it’ssowarminhere,soloud,socolorful–toobright.myheadbeginstoswim,ohno…andicanfeelthefloorcominguptomeetmyfaceorsoitfeels.thelastthingihearbeforeipassoutinchristiangrey’sarmsishisharshepithet.

“fuck!”

it’sveryquiet.thelightismuted.iamcomfortableandwarm,inthisbed.hmm…iopenmyeyes,andforamoment,i’mtranquilandserene,enjoyingthestrangeunfamiliarsurroundings.iha一venoideawhereiam.theheadboardbehindmeisintheshapeofamassivesun.it’soddlyfamiliar.theroomislargeandairyandplushlyfurnishedinbrownsandgoldsandbeige.iha一veseenitbefore.where?mybefuddledbrainstrugglesthroughitsrecentvisualmemories.holycrap.i’mintheheathmanhotel…inasuite.iha一vestoodinaroomsimilartothiswithkate.thislooksbigger.ohshit.i’minchristiangrey’ssuite.howdidigethere?

fracturedmemoriesofthepreviousnightcomeslowlybacktohauntme.thedrinking,ohnothedrinking,thephonecall,ohnothephonecall,thevomiting,ohnothevomiting.joséandthenchristian.ohno.icringeinwardly.idon’tremembercominghere.i’mwearingmyt-shirt,bra,andpanties.nosocks.nojeans.holyshit.

iglanceatthebedsidetable.onitisaglassoforangejuiceandtwotablets.advil.controlfreakthatheis,hethinksofeverything.isitupandtakethetablets.actually,idon’tfeelthatbad,probablymuchbetterthanideserve.theorangejuicetastespine.it’sthirstquenchingandrefreshing.nothingbeatsfreshlysqueezedorangejuiceforrevivinganaridmouth.

there’saknockonthedoor.myheartleapsintomymouth,andican’tseemtofindmyvoice.heopensthedooranywayandstrollsin.

holyhell,he’sbeenworkingout.he’singraysweatpantsthathang,inthatway,offhishipsandagraysinglet,whichisdarkwithsweat,likehishair.christiangrey’ssweat,thenotiondoesoddthingstome.itakeadeepbreathandclosemyeyes.ifeellikeatwo-yearold,ificlosemyeyestheni’mnotreallyhere.

“goodmorninganastasia.howareyoufeeling?”

ohno.

“betterthanideserve,”imumble.

ipeekupathim.heplacesalargeshoppingbagonachairandgraspseachendofthetowelthathehasaroundhisneck.he’sstaringatme,grayeyesdark,andasusual,iha一venoideawhathe’sthinking.hehideshisthoughtsandfeelingssowell.

“howdidigethere?”myvoiceissmall,contrite.

hecomesandsitsdownontheedgeofthebed.he’scloseenoughformetotouch,formetosmell.ohmy…sweatandbodywashandchristian,it’saheadycocktail-somuchbetterthanamargarita,andnowicanspeakfromexperience.

“afteryoupassedout,ididn’twanttorisktheleatherupholsteryinmycartakingyouallthewaytoyourapartment.soibroughtyouhere,”hesaysphlegmatically.

“didyouputmetobed?”

“yes.”hisfaceisimpassive.

“didithrowupagain?”myvoiceisquieter.

“no.”

“didyouundressme?”iwhisper.

“yes.”hequirksaneyebrowatmeasiblushfuriously.

“wedidn’t,”iwhisper,mymouthdryinginmortifiedhorrorasican’tcompletethequestion.istareatmyhands.

“anastasia,youwerecomatose.necrophiliaisnotmything.ilikemywomensentientandreceptive,”hesaysdryly.

“i’msosorry.”

hismouthliftsslightlyinawrysmile.

“itwasaverypertingevening.notonethati’llforgetinawhile.”

meneither–ohhe’slaughingatme,thebastard.ididn’taskhimtocomeandgetme.somehowi’vebeenmadetofeellikethevillainofthepiece.

“youdidn’tha一vetotrackmedownwithwhateverjamesbondstuffyou’redevelopingforthehighestbidder,”isnapathim.hestaresatme,surprised,andifi’mnotmistaken,alittlewounded.

“firstly,thetechnologytotrackcellphonesisa一vailableovertheinternet.secondly,mycompanydoesnotinvestormanufactureanykindofsurveillancedevices,andthirdly,ifihadn’tcometogetyou,you’dprobablybewakingupinthephotographer’sbed,andfromwhaticanremember,youweren’toverlyenthusedabouthimpressinghissuit,”hesaysacidly.

pressinghissuit!iglanceupatchristian,he’sglaringatme,hisgrayeyesblazing,aggrieved.itrytobitemylip,butifailtorepressmylaughter.

“whichmedievalchronicledidyouescapefrom?”igiggle.“yousoundlikeacourtlyknight.”

hismoodvisiblyshifts.hiseyessoftenandhisexpressionwarms,andiseeatraceofasmileonhisbeautifullychiseledlips.

“anastasia,idon’tthinkso.darkknightmaybe.”hissmileissardonic,andheshakeshishead.“didyoueatlastnight?”histoneisaccusatory.ishakemyhead.whatmajortransgressionha一veicommittednow?hisjawclenches,buthisfaceremainsimpassive.

“youneedtoeat.that’swhyyouweresoill.honestlyanastasia,it’sdrinkingrulenumberone.”herunsthishandthroughhishair,andiknowit’sbecausehe’sexasperated.

“areyougoingtocontinuetoscoldme?”

“isthatwhati’mdoing?”

“ithinkso.”

“you’reluckyi’mjustscoldingyou.”

“whatdoyoumean?”

“well,ifyouweremine,youwouldn’tbeabletositdownforaweekafterthestuntyoupulledyesterday.youdidn’teat,yougotdrunk,youputyourselfatrisk.”hecloseshiseyes,dreadetchedonhislovelyface,andheshuddersslightly.whenheopenshiseyes,heglaresatme.“ihatetothinkwhatcouldha一vehappenedtoyou.”

iscowlbackathim.whatishisproblem?what’sittohim?ifiwashis…welli’mnot.thoughmaybe,partofmewouldliketobe.thethoughtpiercesthroughtheirritationifeelathishigh-handedwords.iflushatthewaywardnessofmysubconscious-she’sdoingherhappydanceinabrightredhulaskirtatthethoughtofbeinghis.

“iwouldha一vebeenfine.iwaswithkate.”

“andthephotographer?”hesnapsatme.

hmm…youngjosé.i’llneedtofacehimatsomepoint.

“joséjustgotoutofline.”ishrug.

“wellthenexttimehegetsoutofline,maybesomeoneshouldteachhimsomemanners.”

“youarequitethedisciplinarian,”ihissathim.

“oh,anastasia,youha一venoidea.”hiseyesnarrow,andthenhegrinswickedly.it’sdisarming.oneminute,i’mconfusedandangry,thenexti’mgazingathisgorgeoussmile.wow…iamentranced,andit’sbecausehissmileissorare.iquiteforgetwhathe’stalkingabout.

“i’mgoingtoha一veashower.unlessyou’dliketoshowerfirst?”hecockshisheadtooneside,stillgrinning.myheartbeathaspickedup,andmymedullaoblongatahasneglectedtofireanysynapsestomakemebreathe.hisgrinwidens,andhereachesoverandrunshisthumbdownmycheekandacrossmylowerlip.

“breathe,anastasia,”hewhispersandrises.“breakfastwillbehereinfifteenminutes.youmustbefamished.”heheadsintothebathroomandclosesthedoor.

iletoutthebreaththati’vebeenholding.whyishesodamnedattractive?rightnowiwanttogoandjoinhimintheshower.iha一veneverfeltthiswayaboutanyone.myhormonesareracing.myskintingleswherehisthumbtracedovermyfaceandlowerlip.ifeellikesquirmingwithaneedy,achy…discomfort.idon’tunderstandthisreaction.hmm…desire.thisisdesire.thisiswhatitfeelslike.

iliebackonthesoftfeatherfilledpillows.‘ifyouweremine.’ohmy–whatwouldidotobehis?he’stheonlymanwhohaseversetmybloodracingaroundmybody.yet,

he’ssoantagonizingtoo;he’sdifficult,complicated,andconfusing.oneminuteherebuffsme,thenexthesendsmefourteen-thousand-dollarbooks,thenhetracksmelikeastalker.andforallthat,iha一vespentthenightinhishotelsuite,andifeelsafe.protected.hecaresenoughtocomeandrescuemefromsomemistakenlyperceiveddanger.he’snotadarkknightatall,butawhiteknightinshining,dazzlingarmor–aclassicromantichero–sirgawainorlancelot.

iscrambleoutofhisbedfranticallysearchingformyjeans.heemergesfromthebathroomwetandglisteningfromtheshower,stillunsha一ven,withjustatowelaroundhiswaist,andthereami–allbarelegsandawkwardgawkiness.he’ssurprisedtoseemeoutofbed.

“ifyou’relookingforyourjeans,i’vesentthemtothelaundry.”hisgazeisadarkobsidian.“theywerespatteredwithyourvomit.”

“oh.”iflushscarlet.whyohwhydoeshealwayscatchmeonthebackfoot?

“isenttayloroutforanotherpairandsomeshoes.they’reinthebagonthechair.”

cleanclothes.whatanunexpectedbonus.

“um…i’llha一veashower,”imutter.“thanks.”whatelsecanisay?igrabthebaganddartintothebathroomawayfromtheunnervingproximityofnakedchristian.michelangelo’sda一vidhasnothingonhim.

inthebathroom,it’sallhotandsteamyfromwherehe’sbeenshowering.istripoffmyclothesandquicklyclamberintotheshoweranxioustobeunderthecleansingstreamofwater.itcascadesoverme,andiholdupmyfaceintothewelcomingtorrent.iwantchristiangrey.iwanthimbadly.simplefact.forthefirsttimeinmylife,iwanttogotobedwithaman.iwanttofeelhishandsandhismouthonme.

hesaidhelikeshiswomensentient.he’sprobablynotcelibatethen.buthe’snotmadeapassatme,unlikepaulorjosé.idon’tunderstand.doeshewantme?hewouldn’tkissmelastweek.amirepellenttohim?andyet,i’mhereandhebroughtmehere.ijustdon’tknowwhathisgameis?whathe’sthinking?you’vesleptinhisbedallnight,andhe’snottouchedyouana.youdothemath.mysubconscioushasrearedherugly,snidehead.iignoreher.

thewateriswarmandsoothing.hmm…icouldstayunderthisshower,inhisbathroom,forever.ireachforthebody-washanditsmellsofhim.it’sadelicioussmell.irubitallovermyself,fantasizingthatit’shim-himrubbingthishea一venlyscentedsoapintomybody,acrossmybreasts,overmystomach,betweenmythighswithhislongfingeredhands.ohmy.myheartbeatpicksupagain,thisfeelsso…sogood.

“breakfastishere.”heknocksonthedoor,startlingme.

“okay,”istutterasi’myankedcruellyoutofmyeroticdaydream.

iclimboutoftheshowerandgrabtwotowels.iputmyhairinoneandwrapitcarmenmirandastyleonmyhead.hastily,idrymyself,ignoringthepleasurablefeelofthetowelrubbingagainstmyover-sensitizedskin.

iinspectthebagofjeans.notonlyhastaylorbroughtmejeansandnewconverse,butapaleblueshirt,socks,andunderwear.ohmy.acleanbraandpanties–actuallytodescribetheminsuchamundane,utilitarianwaydoesnotdothemjustice.theyareanexquisitedesignofsomefancyeuropeanlingerie.allpalebluelaceandfinery.wow.iaminaweandslightlydauntedbythisunderwear..what’smore,theyfitperfectly.butof

coursetheydo.iflushtothinkofthebuzz-cutmaninsomelingeriestorebuyingthisforme.iwonderwhatelseisinhisjobdescription.

idressquickly.therestoftheclothingisaperfectfit.ibrusquelytowel-drymyhairandtrydesperatelytobringitundercontrol.but,asusual,itrefusestocooperate,andmyonlyoptionistorestrainitwithahairtie.ishallsearchinmypurse,whenifindit.itakeadeepbreath.timetofacemr.confusing.

i’mrelievedtofindthebedroomempty.ihuntquicklyformypurse–butit’snotinhere.takinganotherdeepbreath,ienterthelivingareaofthesuite.it’shuge.there’sanopulent,plushseatingarea,alloverstuffedcouchesandsoftcushions,anelaboratecoffeetablewithastackoflargeglossybooks,astudyareawithatop-of-the-rangemac,anenormousplasmascreentvonthewall,andchristianissittingatadiningtableontheothersideoftheroomreadinganewspaper.it’sthesizeofatenniscourtorsomething,notthatiplaytennis,thoughiha一vewatchedkateafewtimes.kate!

“crap,kate,”icroak.christianpeersupatme.

“sheknowsyou’rehereandstillalive.itextedelliot,”hesayswithjustatraceofhumor.

ohno.irememberherferventdancingofthenightbefore.allherpatentedmovesusedwithmaximumeffecttoseducechristian’sbrothernoless!what’sshegoingtothinkaboutmebeinghere?i’veneverstayedoutbefore.she’sstillwithelliot.she’sonlydonethistwicebefore,andbothtimesi’vehadtoendurethehideouspinkpjsforaweekfromthefallout.she’sgoingtothinki’vehadaone-nightstandtoo.

christianstaresatmeimperiously.he’swearingawhitelinenshirt,collarandcuffsundone.

“sit,”hecommands,pointingtoaplaceatthetable.imakemywayacrosstheroomandsitdownoppositehimasi’vebeendirected.thetableisladenwithfood.

“ididn’tknowwhatyouliked,soiorderedaselectionfromthebreakfastmenu.”hegivesmeacrooked,apologeticsmile.

“that’sveryprofligateofyou,”imurmur,bewilderedbythechoice,thoughiamhungry.

“yes,itis.”hesoundsguilty.

ioptforpancakes,maplesyrup,scrambledeggs,andbacon.christiantriestohideasmileashereturnstohiseggwhiteomelet.thefoodisdelicious.

“tea?”heasks.

“yes,please.”

hepassesmeasmallteapotofhotwaterandonthesaucerisatwining’senglishbreakfastteabag.jeez,heremembershowilikemytea.

“yourhair’sverydamp,”hescolds.

“icouldn’tfindthehairdryer,”imutter,embarrassed.notthatilooked.

christian’smouthpressesintoahardline,buthedoesn’tsayanything.

“thankyoufororganizingtheclothes.”

“it’sapleasure,anastasia.thatcolorsuitsyou.”

iblushandstaredownatmyfingers.

“youknow,youreallyshouldlearntotakeacompliment.”histoneiscastigating.

“ishouldgiveyousomemoneyfortheseclothes.”

heglaresatmeasifiha一veoffendedhimonsomelevel.ihurryon.

“you’vealreadygivenmethebooks,which,ofcourse,ican’taccept.buttheseclothes,pleaseletmepayyouback.”ismiletentativelyathim.

“anastasia,trustme,icanaffordit.”

“that’snotthepoint.whyshouldyoubuytheseforme?”

“becauseican,”hiseyesflashwithawickedgleam.

“justbecauseyoucandoesn’tmeanthatyoushould,”ireplyquietlyashearchesaneyebrowatme,hiseyestwinkling,andsuddenlyifeelthatwe’retalkingaboutsomethingelse,butidon’tknowwhatitis.whichremindsme…

“whydidyousendmethebooks,christian?”myvoiceissoft.heputsdownhiscutleryandregardsmeintently,hisgrayeyesburningwithsomeunfathomableemotion.holycrap–mymouthdries.

“well,whenyouwerenearlyrunoverbythecyclist–andiwasholdingyouandyouwerelookingupatme–allkissme,kissme,christian,”hepausesandshrugsslightly,“ifeltiowedyouanapologyandawarning.”herunshishandthroughhishair.“anastasia,i’mnotaheartsandflowerskindofman,idon’tdoromance.mytastesareverysingular.youshouldsteerclearfromme.”hecloseshiseyesasifindefeat.“there’ssomethingaboutyou,though,andi’mfindingitimpossibletostayaway.butithinkyou’vefiguredthatoutalready.”

myappetitevanishes.hecan’tstayaway!

“thendon’t,”iwhisper.

hegasps,hiseyeswide.

“youdon’tknowwhatyou’resaying.”

“enlightenme,then.”

wesitgazingateachother,neitherofustouchingourfood.

“you’renotcelibatethen?”ibreathe.

amusementlightsuphisgrayeyes.

“no,anastasia,i’mnotcelibate.”hepausesforthisinformationtosinkin,andiflushscarlet.themouth-to-brainfilterisbrokenagain.ican’tbelievei’vejustsaidthatoutloud.

“whatareyourplansforthenextfewdays?”heasks,hisvoicelow.

“i’mworkingtoday,frommidday.whatisthetime?”ipanicsuddenly.

“it’sjustafterten,you’veplentyoftime.whatabouttomorrow?”hehashiselbowsonthetable,andhischinisrestingonhislongsteepledfingers.

“kateandiaregoingtostartpacking.we’removingtoseattlenextweekend,andi’mworkingatclayton’sallthisweek.”

“youha一veaplaceinseattlealready?”

“yes.”

“where?”

“ican’tremembertheaddress.it’sinthepikemarketdistrict.”

“notfarfromme,”hislipstwitchupinahalfsmile.“sowhatareyougoingtodoforworkinseattle?”

whereishegoingwithallthesequestions?thechristiangreyinquisitionisalmostasirritatingasthekatherineka一vanaghinquisition.

“i’veappliedforsomeinternships.i’mwaitingtohear.”

“ha一veyouappliedtomycompanyasisuggested?”

iflush…ofcoursenot.

“um…no.”

“andwhat’swrongwithmycompany?”

“yourcompanyoryourcompany?”ismirk.

hesmilesslightly.

“areyousmirkingatme,misssteele?”hecockshisheadtooneside,andithinkhelooksamused,butit’shardtotell.iflushandglancedownatmyunfinishedbreakfast.ican’tlookhimintheeyewhenheusesthattoneofvoice.

“i’dliketobitethatlip,”hewhispersdarkly.

ohmy.iamcompletelyunawarethatiamchewingmybottomlip.mymouthpopsopenasigaspandswallowatthesametime.thathastobethesexiestthinganybodyhaseversaidtome.myheartbeatspikes,andithinki’mpanting.jeez,i’maquivering,moistmess,andhehasn’teventouchedme.isquirminmyseatandmeethisdarkglare.

“whydon’tyou?”ichallengequietly.

“becausei’mnotgoingtotouchyouanastasia-notuntiliha一veyourwrittenconsenttodoso.”hislipshintatasmile.

what?

“whatdoesthatmean?”

“exactlywhatisay.”hesighsandshakeshisheadatme,amused,butexasperatedtoo.“ineedtoshowyou,anastasia.whattimedoyoufinishworkthisevening?”

“abouteight.”

“well,wecouldgotoseattlethiseveningornextsaturdayfordinneratmyplace,andi’llacquaintyouwiththefactsthen.thechoiceisyours.”

“whycan’tyoutellmenow?”isoundpetulant.

“becausei’menjoyingmybreakfastandyourcompany.onceyou’reenlightened,youprobablywon’twanttoseemeagain.”

holyshit.whatdoesthatmean?doeshewhite-sla一vesmallchildrentosomegod-forsakenpartoftheplanet?ishepartofsomeunderworldcrimesyndicate?itwouldexplainwhyhe’ssorich.ishedeeplyreligious?isheimpotent?surelynot,hecouldprovethattomerightnow.ohmy.iflushscarletthinkingaboutthepossibilities.thisisgettingmenowhere.i’dliketosolvetheriddlethatischristiangreysoonerratherthanlater.ifitmeansthatwhateversecrethehasissogrossthatidon’twanttoknowhimanymorethen,quitefrankly,itwillbearelief.don’tlietoyourself–mysubconsciousyellsatme–it’llha一vetobeprettybloodybadtoha一veyourunningforthehills.

“tonight.”

heraisesaneyebrow.

“likeeve,you’resoquicktoeatfromthetreeofknowledge,”hesmirks.

“areyousmirkingatme,mr.grey?”iasksweetly.pompousass.

henarrowshiseyesatmeandpicksuphisblackberry.hepressesonenumber.

“taylor.i’mgoingtoneedcharlietango.”

charlietango!who’she?

“fromportlandatsaytwenty-thirty...no,standbyatescala…allnight.”

allnight!

“yes.oncalltomorrowmorning.i’llpilotfromportlandtoseattle.”

pilot?

“standbypilotfromtwenty-two-thirty.”heputsthephonedown.nopleaseorthankyou.

“dopeoplealwaysdowhatyoutellthem?”

“usually,iftheywanttokeeptheirjobs,”hesays,deadpan.

“andiftheydon’tworkforyou?”

“oh,icanbeverypersuasive,anastasia.youshouldfinishyourbreakfast.andtheni’lldropyouhome.i’llpickyouupatclayton’sateightwhenyoufinish.we’llflyuptoseattle.”

iblinkathimrapidly.

“fly?”

“yes.iha一veahelicopter.”

igapeathim.iha一vemyseconddatewithchristianoh-so-mysteriousgrey.fromcoffeetohelicopterrides.wow.

“we’llgobyhelicoptertoseattle?”

“yes.”

“why?”

hegrinswickedly.

“becauseican.finishyourbreakfast.”

howcanieatnow?i’mgoingtoseattlebyhelicopterwithchristiangrey.andhewantstobitemylip…isquirmatthethought

“eat,”hesaysmoresharply.“anastasia,iha一veanissuewithwastedfood…eat.”

“ican’teatallthis.”igapeatwhat’sleftonthetable.

“eatwhat’sonyourplate.ifyou’deatenproperlyyesterday,youwouldn’tbehere,andiwouldn’tbedeclaringmyhandsosoon.”hismouthsetsinagrimline.helooksangry.

ifrownandreturntomynowcoldfood.i’mtooexcitedtoeat,christian.don’tyouunderstand?mysubconsciousexplains.buti’mtoomuchofacowardtovoicethesethoughtsaloud,especiallywhenhelookssosullen.hmm,likeasmallboy.ifindthethoughtamusing.

“what’ssofunny?”heasks.ishakemyhead,notdaringtellhimandkeepmyeyesonmyfood.swallowingmylastpieceofpancake,ipeekupathim.he’seyeingmespeculatively.

“goodgirl,”hesays.“i’lltakeyouhomewhenyou’vedriedyourhair.idon’twantyougettingill.”there’ssomekindofunspokenpromiseinhiswords.whatdoeshemean?ilea一vethetable,wonderingforamomentifishouldaskpermissionbutdismissingtheidea.soundslikeadangerousprecedenttoset.iheadbacktohisbedroom.athoughtstopsme.

“wheredidyousleeplastnight?”iturntogazeathimstillsittinginthediningroomchair.ican’tseeanyblanketsorsheetsouthere–perhapshe’shadthemtidiedaway.

“inmybed,”hesayssimply,hisgazeimpassiveagain.

“oh.”

“yes,itwasquiteanoveltyformetoo.”hesmiles.

“notha一ving…sex.”there–isaidtheword.iblush–ofcourse.

“no,”heshakeshisheadandfrownsasifrecallingsomethinguncomfortable.“sleepingwithsomeone.”hepicksuphisnewspaperandcontinuestoread.

whatinhea一ven’snamedoesthatmean?he’sneversleptwithanyone?he’savirgin?somehowidoub一tthat.istandstaringathimindisbelief.heisthemostmystifyingpersoni’veevermet.anditdawnsonmethatiha一vesleptwithchristiangrey,andikickmyself–whatwouldiha一vegiventobeconscioustowatchhimsleep.seehimvulnerable.somehow,ifindthathardtoimagine.well,allegedlyallwillberevealedtonight.

inhisbedroom,ihuntthroughachestofdrawersandfindthehairdryer.usingmyfingers,idrymyhairthebestican.wheni’vefinished,iheadintothebathroom.iwanttocleanmyteeth.ieyechristian’stoothbrush.itwouldbelikeha一vinghiminmymouth.hmm…glancingguiltilyovermyshoulderatthedoor,ifeelthebristlesonthetoothbrush.theyaredamp.hemustha一veuseditalready.grabbingitquickly,isquirttoothpasteonitandbrushmyteethindoublequicktime.ifeelsonaughty.it’ssuchathrill.

grabbingmyt-shirt,bra,andpantiesfromyesterday,iputthemintheshoppingbagthattaylorbroughtandheadbacktothelivingareatohuntformybagandjacket.deepjoy,thereisahairtieinmybag.christianiswatchingmeasitiemyhairintoaponytail,hisexpressionunreadable.ifeelhiseyesfollowmeasisitdownandwaitforhimtofinish.he’sonhisblackberrytalkingtosomeone.

“theywanttwo?…howmuchwillthatcost?...okay,andwhatsafetymeasuresdoweha一veinplace?…andthey’llgoviasuez?…howsafeisbensudan?...andwhendotheyarriveindarfur?...okay,let’sdoit.keepmeabreastofprogress.”hehangsup.

“readytogo?”

inod.iwonderwhathisconversationwasabout.heslipsonana一vypinstripedjacket,picksuphiscarkeys,andheadsforthedoor.

“afteryou,misssteele,”hemurmurs,openingthedoorforme.helookssocasuallyelegant.

ipause,fractionallytoolong,drinkinginthesightofhim.andtothinkisleptwithhimlastnightand,afterallthetequilaandthethrowingup,he’sstillhere.what’smore,hewantstotakemetoseattle.whyme?idon’tunderstandit.iheadoutthedoorrecallinghiswords–there’ssomethingaboutyou–wellthefeelingisentirelymutualmr.grey,andiaimtofindoutwhatitis.

wewalkinsilencedownthecorridortowardtheelevator.aswewait,ipeekupathimthroughmylashes,andhelooksoutofthecornerofhiseyesdownatme.ismile,andhislipstwitch.

theelevatorarrives,andwestepin.we’realone.suddenly,forsomeinexplicablereason,possiblyourproximityinsuchanenclosedspace,theatmospherebetweenuschanges,chargingwithanelectric,exhilaratinganticipation.mybreathingaltersasmyheartraces.hisheadturnsfractionallytowardme,hiseyesdarkestslate.ibitemylip.

“oh,fuckthepaperwork,”hegrowls.helungesatme,pushingmeagainstthewalloftheelevator.beforeiknowit,he’sgotbothofmyhandsinoneofhisinavice-likegripabovemyhead,andhe’spinningmetothewallusinghiships.holyshit.hisotherhandgrabsmyponytailandyanksdown,bringingmyfaceup,andhislipsareonmine.it’sonlyjustnotpainful.imoanintohismouth,givinghistongueanopening.hetakesfull

advantage,histongueexpertlyexploringmymouth.iha一veneverbeenkissedlikethis.mytonguetentativelystrokeshisandjoinshisinasloweroticdancethat’sallabouttouchandsensation,allbumpandgrind.hebringshishanduptograspmychinandholdsmeinplace.iamhelpless,myhandspinned,myfaceheld,andhishipsrestrainingme..ifeelhiserectionagainstmybelly.ohmy…hewantsme.christiangrey,greekgod,wantsme,andiwanthim,here…now,intheelevator.

“you.are.so.sweet,”hemurmurs,eachwordastaccato.

theelevatorstops,thedoorsopen,andhepushesawayfrommeintheblinkofaneye,lea一vingmehanging.threemeninbusinesssuitslookatbothofusandsmirkastheyclimbonboard.myheartrateisthroughtheroof,ifeellikei’verunanuphillrace.iwanttoleanoverandgraspmyknees…butthat’sjusttooobvious.

iglanceupathim.helookssocoolandcalm,likehe’sbeendoingtheseattletimescrossword.howunfair.ishetotallyunaffectedbymypresence?heglancesatmeoutofthecornerofhiseye,andhegentlyblowsoutadeepbreath.oh,he’saffectedallright–andmyverysmallinnergoddessswaysinagentlevictorioussamba.thebusinessmenexitonthesecondfloor.weha一veonemorefloortotra一vel.

“you’vebrushedyourteeth,”hesays,staringatme.

“iusedyourtoothbrush,”ibreathe.

hislipsquirkupinahalfsmile.

“oh,anastasiasteele,whatamigoingtodowithyou?”

thedoorsopenatthefirstfloor,andhetakesmyhandandpullsmeout.

“whatisitaboutelevators?”hemutters,moretohimselfthantomeashestridesacrossthelobby.istruggletokeeppacewithhimbecausemywitsha一vebeenthoroughly,royally,scatteredalloverthefloorandwallsofelevatorthreeintheheathmanhotel.

christianopensthepassengerdoortotheblackaudisuv,andiclamberin.it’sabeastofacar.hehasn’tmentionedtheoutburstofpassionthatexplodedintheelevator.shouldi?shouldwetalkaboutitorpretendthatitdidn’thappen?ithardlyseemsreal,myfirstproperno-holds-barredkiss.astimetickson,iassignitmythical,arthurianlegend,lostcityofatlantisstatus.itneverhappened,itneverexisted.perhapsiimagineditall.no.itouchmylips,swollenfromhiskiss.itdefinitelyhappened.iamachangedwoman.iwantthisman,desperately,andhewantedme.

iglanceathim.christianishisusualpolite,slightlydistantself.

howconfusing.

hestartstheengineandreversesoutofhisspaceintheparkinglot.heswitchesonthemp3player.thecarinteriorisfilledwiththesweetest,mostmagicalmusicoftwowomensinging.ohwow…allmysensesareindisarray,sothisisdoublyaffecting.itsendsdeliciousshiversupmyspine.christianpullsoutontoswparkavenue,andhedriveswitheasy,lazyconfidence.

“whatarewelisteningto?”

“it’stheflowerduetbydelibes,fromtheoperalakmé.doyoulikeit?”

“christian,it’swonderful.”