yes,thisworldwasadream,andthedreamlastsforhours,andmayreturnforhours;butconventlifeisalifeofyears-longyears,andmanyyears.
fromwithincomesmuchthatrendersmensinfulandimpure.hefullyrealizedthetruthofthis.whatflamesaroseupinhimattimes!whatasourceofevil,ofthatwhichwewouldnot,welledupcontinually!hemortifiedhisbody,buttheevilcamefromwithin.
oneday,afterthelapseofmanyyears,hemetangelo,whorecognizedhim.
"man!"exclaimedangelo."yes,itisthou!artthouhappynow?thouhastsinnedagainstgod,andcastawayhisboonfromthee-hastneglectedthymissioninthisworld!readtheparableoftheintrustedtalent!themaster,whospokethatparable,spokethetruth!whathastthougained?whathastthoufound?dostthounotfashionforthyselfareligionandadreamylifeafterthineownidea,asalmostalldo?supposeallthisisadream,afairdelusion!"
"gettheeawayfromme,satan!"saidthemonk;andhequittedangelo.
"thereisadevil,apersonaldevil!thisdayihaveseenhim!"saidthemonktohimself."onceiextendedafingertohim,andhetookmywholehand.butnow,"hesighed,"theeviliswithinme,anditisinyonderman;butitdoesnotbowhimdown;hegoesabroadwithheaderect,andenjoyshiscomfort;andigraspedatcomfortintheconsolationsofreligion.ifitwerenothingbutaconsolation?supposingeverythingherewere,liketheworldihavequitted,onlyabeautifulfancy,adelusionlikethebeautyoftheeveningclouds,likethemistyblueofthedistanthills!-whenyouapproachthem,theyareverydifferent!oeternity!thouactestlikethegreatcalmocean,thatbeckonsus,andfillsuswithexpectation-andwhenweembarkuponthee,wesink,disappear,andceasetobe.delusion!awaywithit!begone!"
andtearless,butsunkinbitterreflection,hesatuponhishardcouch,andthenkneltdown-beforewhom?beforethestonecrossfastenedtothewall?no,itwasonlyhabitthatmadehimtakethisposition.
themoredeeplyhelookedintohisownheart,theblackerdidthedarknessseem.-"nothingwithin,nothingwithout-thislifesquanderiedandcastaway!"andthisthoughtrolledandgrewlikeasnowball,untilitseemedtocrushhim.
"icanconfidemygriefstonone.imayspeaktononeofthegnawingwormwithin.mysecretismyprisoner;ifiletthecaptiveescape,ishallbehis!"
andthegodlikepowerthatdweltwithinhimsufferedandstrove.
"olord,mylord!"hecried,inhisdespair,"bemercifulandgrantmefaith.ithrewawaythegiftthouhadstvouchsafedtome,ileftmymissionunfulfilled.ilackedstrength,andstrengththoudidstnotgiveme.immortality-thepsycheinmybreast-awaywithit!-itshallbeburiedlikethatpsyche,thebestgleamofmylife;neverwillitariseoutofitsgrave!"
thestarglowedintheroseateair,thestarthatshallsurelybeextinguishedandpassawaywhilethesoulstillliveson;itstremblingbeamfelluponthewhitewall,butitwrotenothingthereuponbeingmadeperfectingod,nothingofthehopeofmercy,oftherelianceonthedivinelovethatthrillsthroughtheheartofthebeliever.
"thepsychewithincanneverdie.shallitliveinconsciousness?cantheincomprehensiblehappen?yes,yes.mybeingisincomprehensible.thouartunfathomable,olord.thywholeworldisincomprehensible-awonder-workofpower,ofgloryandoflove."
hiseyesgleamed,andthenclosedindeath.thetollingofthechurchbellwasthelastsoundthatechoedabovehim,abovethedeadman;andtheyburiedhim,coveringhimwithearththathadbeenbroughtfromjerusalem,andinwhichwasmingledthedustofmanyofthepiousdead.
whenyearshadgonebyhisskeletonwasdugup,astheskeletonsofthemonkswhohaddiedbeforehimhadbeen;itwascladinabrownfrock,arosarywasputintothebonyhand,andtheformwasplacedamongtheranksofotherskeletonsinthecloistersoftheconvent.andthesunshonewithout,whilewithinthecenserswerewavedandthemasswascelebrated.
andyearsrolledby.
thebonesfellasunderandbecamemingledwithothers.skullswerepileduptilltheyformedanouterwallaroundthechurch;andtherelayalsohisheadintheburningsun,formanydeadwerethere,andnooneknewtheirnames,andhisnamewasforgottenalso.andsee,somethingwasmovinginthesunshine,inthesightlesscavernouseyes!