ifelizabeth,whenmr.darcygavehertheletter,didnotexpectittocontainarenewalofhisoffers,shehadformednoexpectationatallofitscontents.butsuchastheywere,itmaybewellsupposedhoweagerlyshewentthroughthem,andwhatacontrarietyofemotiontheyexcited.herfeelingsasshereadwerescarcelytobedefined.withamazementdidshefirstunderstandthathebelievedanyapologytobeinhispower;andstedfastlywasshepersuadedthathecouldhavenoexplanationtogive,whichajustsenseofshamewouldnotconceal.withastrongprejudiceagainsteverythinghemightsay,shebeganhisaccountofwhathadhappenedatnetherfield.sheread,withaneagernesswhichhardlyleftherpowerofcomprehension,andfromimpatienceofknowingwhatthenextsentencemightbring,wasincapableofattendingtothesenseoftheonebeforehereyes.hisbeliefofhersister'sinsensibility,sheinstantlyresolvedtobefalse,andhisaccountofthereal,theworstobjectionstothematch,madehertooangrytohaveanywishofdoinghimjustice.heexpressednoregretforwhathehaddonewhichsatisfiedher;hisstylewasnotpenitent,buthaughty.itwasallprideandinsolence.

butwhenthissubjectwassucceededbyhisaccountofmr.wickham,whensheread,withsomewhatclearerattention,arelationofevents,which,iftrue,mustoverthroweverycherishedopinionofhisworth,andwhichboresoalarminganaffinitytohisownhistoryofhimself,herfeelingswereyetmoreacutelypainfulandmoredifficultofdefinition.astonishment,apprehension,andevenhorror,oppressedher.shewishedtodiscredititentirely,repeatedlyexclaiming,"thismustbefalse!thiscannotbe!thismustbethegrossestfalsehood!"—andwhenshehadgonethroughthewholeletter,thoughscarcelyknowinganythingofthelastpageortwo,putithastilyaway,protestingthatshewouldnotregardit,thatshewouldneverlookinitagain.

inthisperturbedstateofmind,withthoughtsthatcouldrestonnothing,shewalkedon;butitwouldnotdo;inhalfaminutetheletterwasunfoldedagain,andcollectingherselfaswellasshecould,sheagainbeganthemortifyingperusalofallthatrelatedtowickham,andcommandedherselfsofarastoexaminethemeaningofeverysentence.theaccountofhisconnectionwiththepemberleyfamilywasexactlywhathehadrelatedhimself;andthekindnessofthelatemr.darcy,thoughshehadnotbeforeknownitsextent,agreedequallywellwithhisownwords.sofareachrecitalconfirmedtheother;butwhenshecametothewill,thedifferencewasgreat.whatwickhamhadsaidofthelivingwasfreshinhermemory,andassherecalledhisverywords,itwasimpossiblenottofeelthattherewasgrossduplicityononesideortheother;and,forafewmoments,sheflatteredherselfthatherwishesdidnoterr.butwhensheread,andrereadwiththeclosestattention,theparticularsimmediatelyfollowingofwickham'sresigningallpretensionstotheliving,ofhisreceiving,inlieu,soconsiderableasumasthreethousandpounds,againwassheforcedtohesitate.sheputdowntheletter,weighedeverycircumstancewithwhatshemeanttobeimpartiality—deliberatedontheprobabilityofeachstatementbut—withlittlesuccess.onbothsidesitwasonlyassertion.againshereadon.buteverylineprovedmoreclearlythattheaffair,whichshehadbelieveditimpossiblethatanycontrivancecouldsorepresentastorendermr.darcy'sconductinitlessthaninfamous,wascapableofaturnwhichmustmakehimentirelyblamelessthroughoutthewhole.

theextravaganceandgeneralprofligacywhichhescruplednottolaytomr.wickham'scharge,exceedinglyshockedher;themoreso,asshecouldbringnoproofofitsinjustice.shehadneverheardofhimbeforehisentranceintotheshiremilitia,inwhichhehadengagedatthepersuasionoftheyoungman,who,onmeetinghimaccidentallyintown,hadthererenewedaslightacquaintance.ofhisformerwayoflife,nothinghadbeenknowninhertfordshirebutwhathetoldhimself.astohisrealcharacter,hadinformationbeeninherpower,shehadneverfeltawishofenquiring.hiscountenance,voice,andmannerhadestablishedhimatonceinthepossessionofeveryvirtue.shetriedtorecollectsomeinstanceofgoodness,somedistinguishedtraitofintegrityorbenevolence,thatmightrescuehimfromtheattacksofmr.darcy;oratleast,bythepredominanceofvirtue,atoneforthosecasualerrors,underwhichshewouldendeavourtoclasswhatmr.darcyhaddescribedastheidlenessandviceofmanyyearscontinuance.butnosuchrecollectionbefriendedher.shecouldseehiminstantlybeforeher,ineverycharmofairandaddress;butshecouldremembernomoresubstantialgoodthanthegeneralapprobationoftheneighbourhood,andtheregardwhichhissocialpowershadgainedhiminthemess.afterpausingonthispointaconsiderablewhile,sheoncemorecontinuedtoread.but,alas!thestorywhichfollowed,ofhisdesignsonmissdarcy,receivedsomeconfirmationfromwhathadpassedbetweencolonelfitzwilliamandherselfonlythemorningbefore;andatlastshewasreferredforthetruthofeveryparticulartocolonelfitzwilliamhimself—fromwhomshehadpreviouslyreceivedtheinformationofhisnearconcerninallhiscousin'saffairs,andwhosecharactershehadnoreasontoquestion.atonetimeshehadalmostresolvedonapplyingtohim,buttheideawascheckedbytheawkwardnessoftheapplication,andatlengthwhollybanishedbytheconvictionthatmr.darcywouldneverhavehazardedsuchaproposalifhehadnotbeenwellassuredofhiscousin'scorroboration.

sheperfectlyrememberedeverythingthathadpassedinconversationbetweenwickhamandherselfintheirfirsteveningatmr.philips's.manyofhisexpressionswerestillfreshinhermemory.shewasnowstruckwiththeimproprietyofsuchcommunicationstoastranger,andwonderedithadescapedherbefore.shesawtheindelicacyofputtinghimselfforwardashehaddone,andtheinconsistencyofhisprofessionswithhisconduct.sherememberedthathehadboastedofhavingnofearofseeingmr.darcy—thatmr.darcymightleavethecountry,butthatheshouldstandhisground;yethehadavoidedthenetherfieldballtheverynextweek.sherememberedalso,thattillthenetherfieldfamilyhadquittedthecountry,hehadtoldhisstorytonoonebutherself;butthataftertheirremoval,ithadbeeneverywherediscussed;thathehadthennoreserves,noscruplesinsinkingmr.darcy'scharacter,thoughhehadassuredherthatrespectforthefatherwouldalwayspreventhisexposingtheson.

howdifferentlydideverythingnowappearinwhichhewasconcerned!hisattentionstomisskingwerenowtheconsequenceofviewssolelyandhatefullymercenary;andthemediocrityofherfortuneprovednolongerthemoderationofhiswishes,buthiseagernesstograspatanything.hisbehaviourtoherselfcouldnowhavehadnotolerablemotive;hehadeitherbeendeceivedwithregardtoherfortune,orhadbeengratifyinghisvanitybyencouragingthepreferencewhichshebelievedshehadmostincautiouslyshewn.everylingeringstruggleinhisfavourgrewfainterandfainter;andinfartherjustificationofmr.darcy,shecouldnotbutallowthatmr.bingley,whenquestionedbyjane,hadlongagoassertedhisblamelessnessintheaffair;that,proudandrepulsiveaswerehismanners,shehadnever,inthewholecourseoftheiracquaintance—anacquaintancewhichhadlatterlybroughtthemmuchtogether,andgivenherasortofintimacywithhisways—seenanythingthatbetrayedhimtobeunprincipledorunjust—anythingthatspokehimofirreligiousorimmoralhabits.thatamonghisownconnectionshewasesteemedandvalued—thatevenwickhamhadallowedhimmeritasabrother,andthatshehadoftenheardhimspeaksoaffectionatelyofhissisterastoprovehimcapableofsomeamiablefeeling.thathadhisactionsbeenwhatwickhamrepresentedthem,sogrossaviolationofeverythingrightcouldhardlyhavebeenconcealedfromtheworld;andthatfriendshipbetweenapersoncapableofit,andsuchanamiablemanasmr.bingley,wasincomprehensible.

shegrewabsolutelyashamedofherself.—ofneitherdarcynorwickhamcouldshethink,withoutfeelingthatshehadbeenblind,partial,prejudiced,absurd.

"howdespicablyhaveiacted!"shecried.—"i,whohavepridedmyselfonmydiscernment!—i,whohavevaluedmyselfonmyabilities!whohaveoftendisdainedthegenerouscandourofmysister,andgratifiedmyvanity,inuselessorblameabledistrust.—howhumiliatingisthisdiscovery!—yet,howjustahumiliation!—hadibeeninlove,icouldnothavebeenmorewretchedlyblind.butvanity,notlove,hasbeenmyfolly.—pleasedwiththepreferenceofone,andoffendedbytheneglectoftheother,ontheverybeginningofouracquaintance,ihavecourtedprepossessionandignorance,anddrivenreasonaway,whereeitherwereconcerned.tillthismoment,ineverknewmyself."

fromherselftojane—fromjanetobingley,herthoughtswereinalinewhichsoonbroughttoherrecollectionthatmr.darcy'sexplanationtherehadappearedveryinsufficient;andshereaditagain.widelydifferentwastheeffectofasecondperusal.howcouldshedenythatcredittohisassertions,inoneinstance,whichshehadbeenobligedtogiveintheother?—hedeclaredhimselftohavebeentotallyunsuspiciousofhersister'sattachment;—andshecouldnothelprememberingwhatcharlotte'sopinionhadalwaysbeen.—neithercouldshedenythejusticeofhisdescriptionofjane.—shefeltthatjane'sfeelings,thoughfervent,werelittledisplayed,andthattherewasaconstantcomplacencyinherairandmannernotoftenunitedwithgreatsensibility.

whenshecametothatpartoftheletterinwhichherfamilywerementioned,intermsofsuchmortifyingyetmeritedreproach,hersenseofshamewassevere.thejusticeofthechargestruckhertooforciblyfordenial,andthecircumstancestowhichheparticularlyalluded,ashavingpassedatthenetherfieldball,—andasconfirmingallhisfirstdisapprobation,couldnothavemadeastrongerimpressiononhismindthanonhers.

thecomplimenttoherselfandhersisterwasnotunfelt.itsoothed,butitcouldnotconsoleherforthecontemptwhichhadbeenthusself-attractedbytherestofherfamily;andassheconsideredthatjane'sdisappointmenthadinfactbeentheworkofhernearestrelations,andreflectedhowmateriallythecreditofbothmustbehurtbysuchimproprietyofconduct,shefeltdepressedbeyondanythingshehadeverknownbefore.

afterwanderingalongthelanefortwohours,givingwaytoeveryvarietyofthought;reconsideringevents,determiningprobabilities,andreconcilingherself,aswellasshecould,toachangesosuddenandsoimportant,fatigue,andarecollectionofherlongabsencemadeheratlengthreturnhome;andsheenteredthehousewiththewishofappearingcheerfulasusual,andtheresolutionofrepressingsuchreflectionsasmustmakeherunfitforconversation.

shewasimmediatelytold,thatthetwogentlemenfromrosingshadeachcalledduringherabsence;mr.darcy,onlyforafewminutestotakeleave,butthatcolonelfitzwilliamhadbeensittingwiththematleastanhour,hopingforherreturn,andalmostresolvingtowalkafterhertillshecouldbefound.—elizabethcouldbutjustaffectconcerninmissinghim;shereallyrejoicedatit.colonelfitzwilliamwasnolongeranobject.shecouldthinkonlyofherletter.