standing,ihugmr.rodriguezandjoséinquicksuccession.

“staystrong,ana,”joséwhispersinmyear.“he’safitandhealthyman.the

oddsareinhisfa一vor.”

“ihopeso.”ihughimhard.then,releasinghim,ishrugoffhisjackethandit

backtohim.

“keepit,ifyou’restillcold.”

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fiftyshadesfreed

“no,i’mokay.thanks.”glancingnervouslyupatchristian,iseethathe’s

regardingusimpassively.christiantakesmyhand.

“ifthere’sanychange,i’llletyouknowrightaway,”iaddasjosé

pusheshisfather’swheelchairtowardthedoorthatsawyerisholdingopen.

mr.rodriguezraiseshishand,andtheypauseinthedoorway.

“he’sinmyprayers,ana,”mr.rodriguezsays,hisvoicewa一vering.

“it’sbeensogoodtoreconnectwithhimafteralltheseyears.he’sbecomea

goodfriend.”

“iknow.”

andwiththattheylea一ve.christianandiarealone.hecaressesmycheek.

“you’repale.comehere.”hesitsdownonthechairandpullsmeontohis

lap,foldingmeintohisarmsagain,andigowillingly.isnuggleupagainst

him,feelingoppressedbymystepfather’smisfortune,butgratefulthatmy

husbandisheretocomfortme.hegentlystrokesmyhairandholdsmyhand.

“howwascharlietango?”iask.

hegrins.“oh,shewasyar,”hesays,quietprideinhisvoice.itmakesme

smileproperlyforthefirsttimeinseveralhours,andiglanceathim,puzzled.

“yar?”

“it’salinefromthephiladelphiastory.grace’sfa一voritefilm.”

“idon’tknowit.”

“ithinkiha一veitonblu-rayathome.wecanwatchitandmakeout.”he

kissesmyhairandismileoncemore.

“canipersuadeyoutoeatsomething?”heasks.

mysmiledisappears.“notnow.iwanttoseerayfirst.”

hisshouldersslump,buthedoesn’tpushme.

“howwerethetaiwanese?”

“amenable,”hesays.

“amenablehow?”

“theyletmybuytheirshipyardforlessthanthepriceiwaswillingtopay.”

he’sboughtashipyard?“that’sgood?”

“yes.that’sgood.”

“butithoughtyouhadashipyard,overhere.”

“ido.we’regoingtousethattodothefitting-out.buildthehullsinthefar

east.it’scheaper.”

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eljames

oh.“whatabouttheworkforceattheshipyardhere?”

“we’llredeploy.weshouldbeabletokeepredundanciestoaminimum.”he

kissesmyhair.“shallwegoandcheckonray?”heasks,hisvoicesoft.

theicuonthesixthfloorisastark,sterile,functionalwardwithwhispered

voicesandbleepingmachinery.fourpatientsareeachhousedintheirown

separatearea,attachedtohundredsofthousandsofdollars’worthofhi-tech

equipment.rayisatthefarend.daddy.

helookssosmallinhislargebed,surroundedbyallthistechnology.it’sa

shock.mydadhasneverbeensmall.there’satubeinhismouth,and

variouslinespassthroughdripsintoaneedleineacharm.asmallclampis

attachedtohisfinger.iwondervaguelywhatthat’sfor.hislegisontopofthe

sheets,encasedinabluecast.amonitordisplayshisheartrate:beep,

beep,beep.it’sbeatingstrongandsteady.thisiknow.imoveslowlytoward

him.hischestiscoveredinalarge,pristinebandagethatdisappears

beneaththethinsheetthatprotectshismodesty.

daddy.

irealizethatthetubepullingattherightcornerofhismouthleadstoa

ventilator.itsnoiseiswea一vingwiththebeep,beep,beepofhisheartmonitor

intoapercussiverhythmicbeat.sucking,expelling,sucking,expelling,

sucking,expellingintimewiththebeeps.therearefourlinesonthescreen

ofhisheartmonitor,eachmovingsteadilyacross,demonstratingclearlythat

rayisstillwithus.oh,daddy.

rayisstillwithus.oh,daddy.

tentatively,ireachforhishand.eventhoughhismouthisdistortedbythe

ventilatortube,helookspeaceful,lyingtherefastasleep.apetiteyoung

nursestandstooneside,checkinghismonitors.

“canitouchhim?”iaskher.

“yes,”shesmileskindly.herbadgesayskelliern,andshemustbein

hertwenties.she’sblondewithdark,darkeyes.christianstandsattheend

ofthebed,watchingmecarefullyasiclaspray’shand.it’ssurprisingly

warm,andthat’smyundoing.isinkontothechairbythebed,placemyhead

gentlyagainstray’sarm,and337|page

fiftyshadesfreed

starttosob.

“oh,daddy.pleasegetbetter,”iwhisper.“please.”

christianputshishandonmyshoulderandgivesitareassuringsqueeze.

“allmr.steele’svitalsaregood,”nursekelliesaysquietly.

“thankyou,”christianmurmurs.iglanceupintimetoseehergape.she’s

finallygottenagoodlookatmyhusband.idon’tcare.shecangapeat

christianallshelikesaslongasshemakesmyfatherwellagain.

“canhehearme?”iask.

“he’sdeeplyasleep.butwhoknows?”

“canisitforawhile?”

“surething.”shesmilesatme,hercheekspinkfromatelltaleblush.

incongruously,ifindmyselfthinkingblondisnothertruecolor.christian

gazesdownatme,ignoringher.“ineedtomakeacall.i’llbeoutside.i’llgive

yousomealonetimewithyourdad.”

inod.hebends,kissesmyhair,andstalksoutoftheroom.isitandhold

ray’shand,marvelingattheironythatit’sonlynowwhenhe’sunconscious

andcan’thearmethatireallywanttotellhimhowmuchilovehim.thisman

hasbeenmyconstant.myrock.andi’veneverthoughtaboutituntilnow.i’m

notfleshofhisflesh,buthe’smydad,andilovehimsoverymuch.mytears

traildownmycheeks.pleasegetbetter,daddy.veryquietly,soasnotto

disturbanyone,itellhimaboutourweekendinaspenandaboutlast

weekendwhenweweresoaringandsailingaboardthegrace.itellhim

aboutournewhouse,ourplans,abouthowwehopetomakeitecologically

sustainable.ipromisetotakehimwithustoaspensohecangofishingwith

christianandassurehimthatmr.rodriguezandjoséwillbothbewelcome,

too...pleasebeheretodothat,daddy.please.rayremainsimmobile,

theventilatorsuckingandexpellingandthemonotonousbutreassuring

beep,beep,beepofhisheartmonitorhisonlyresponse.

whenilookup,christianissittingquietlyattheendofthebed.idon’tknow

howlonghe’sbeenthere.

“hi,”hesays,hiseyesglowingwithcompassionandconcern.

“hi.”

“so,i’mgoingfishingwithyourdad,mr.rodriguez,andjosé?”he338|pa

ge

eljames

asks.

inod.

“okay.let’sgoeat.lethimsleepinpeace.”

ifrown.idon’twanttolea一vehim.

“ana,he’sinacoma.i’vegivenourcellnumberstothenurseshere.ifthere’s

anychange,they’llcallus.we’lleat,checkintoahotel,restup,thencome

backthisevening.”

thesuiteattheheathmanlooksjustasirememberit.howoftenha一vei

thoughtaboutthatfirstnightandmorningispentwithchristiangrey,nowmy

husband?istandintheentrancetothesuite,paralyzed.jeez,itallstarted

here.

“homeawayfromhome,”sayschristian,hisvoicesoft,puttingmybriefcase

downbesideoneoftheoverstuffedcouches.

“doyouwantashower?abath?whatdoyouneed,ana?”

christiangazesatme,andiknowhe’slost—mylostboydealingwithevents

beyondhiscontrol.he’sbeenwithdrawnandcontemplativeallafternoon.

thisisasituationhecannotmanipulateandpredict.thisisreallifeinthe

raw,andhe’skepthimselffromthatforsolong,he’sexposedandhelpless

now.mysweet,shelteredfiftyshades.

“abath.i’dlikeabath.”imurmur,awarethatkeepinghimbusywillmakehim

feelbetter,usefuleven.oh,christian—i’mnumbandi’mcoldandi’m

scared,buti’msogladyou’reherewithme.

“bath.good.yes.”hestridesintothebedroomandoutofsightintothe

palatialbathroom.afewmomentslater,theroarofwatergushingtofillthe

tubechoesfromtheroom.

finally,igalvanizemyselftofollowhimintothebedroom.i’mdismayedto

seeseveralbagsfromnordstromonthebed.christianreenters,sleeves

rolledup,tieandjacketdiscarded.

“isenttaylortogetsomethings.nightwear.youknow,”hesays,eyeingme

warily.

ofcoursehedid.inodmyapproval.whereistaylor?

“oh,ana,”christianmurmurs.“i’venotseenyoulikethis.you’renormallyso

bra一veandstrong.”

idon’tknowwhattosay.imerelygazewide-eyedathim.iha一venothing,

nothingtogiverightnow.ithinki’minshock.iwrapmy339|page

fiftyshadesfreed

armsaroundmyself,tryingtokeepthepervadingcoldatbay,eventhoughi

knowit’safruitlesstaskasthiscoldcomesfromwithin.christianpullsme

intohisarms.

“baby,he’salive.hisvitalsignsaregood.wejustha一vetobepatient,”he

murmurs.“come.”releasingme,hetakesmyhandandleadsmeintothe

bathroom.gently,heslipsmyjacketoffmyshouldersandplacesitonthe

bathroomchair,thenturningback,heundoesthebuttonsonmyshirt.

thewaterisdeliciouslywarmandfragrant,thesmelloflotusblossomhea一vy

inthewarm,sultryairofthebathroom.iliebetweenchristian’slegs,myback

tohisfront,myfeetrestingontopofhis.we’rebothquietandintrospective,

andi’mfinallyfeelingwarm.intermittentlychristiankissesmyhairasi

absentmindedlypopthebubblesinthefoam.hisarmiswrappedaroundmy

shoulders.

“youdidn’tgetintothebathwithleila,didyou?thattimeyoubathedher?”i

ask.hestiffensandsnorts,hishandtighteningonmyshoulderwhereitrests.

“um...no.”hesoundsastounded.

“ithoughtso.good.”

hetugsgentlyatmyhairknottedinacrudebun,tiltingmyheadaroundsohe

canseemyface.“whydoyouask?”

ishrug.“morbidcuriosity.idon’tknow...seeingherthisweek.”

hisfacehardens.“isee.lessofthemorbid.”histoneisreproachful.

“howlongareyougoingtosupporther?

“untilshe’sonherfeet.idon’tknow.”heshrugs.“why?”

“arethereothers?”

“others?”

“exeswhoyousupport.”

“therewasone,yes.nolongerthough.”

“oh?”

“shewasstudyingtobeadoctor.she’squalifiednowandhassomeone

else.”

“anotherdominant?”

“yes.”

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eljames

“leilasaysyouha一vetwoofherpaintings,”iwhisper.

“iusedto.ididn’treallycareforthem.theyhadtechnicalmerit,buttheywere

toocolorfulforme.ithinkelliothasthem.asweknow,hehasnotaste.”

igiggle,andhewrapshisotherarmaroundme,sloshingwaterovertheside

ofthebath.

“that’sbetter,”hewhispersandkissesmytemple.

“he’smarryingmybestfriend.”

“theni’dbettershutmymouth,”hesays.

ifeelmorerelaxedafterourbath.wrappedinmysoftheathmanrobe,igaze

atthevariousbagsonthebed.jeez,thismustbemorethannightwear.

tentatively,ipeekintoone.apairofjeansandapalebluehooded

sweatshirt,mysize.holycow...taylor’sboughtawholeweekend’sworthof

clothes,andheknowswhatilike.ismile,rememberingthisisnotthefirst

timehe’sshoppedforclothesformewheniwasattheheathman.

“apartfromharassingmeatclaytons,ha一veyoueveractuallygoneintoa

storeandjustboughtstuff?”

“harassingyou?”

“yes.harassingme.”

“youwereflustered,ifirecall.andthatyoungboywasalloveryou.whatwas

hisname?”

“paul.”

“oneofyourmanyadmirers.”

irollmyeyesathim,andhesmilesarelieved,genuinesmileandkissesme.

“there’smygirl,”hewhispers.“getdressed.idon’twantyougettingcold

again.”

“ready,”imurmur.christianisworkingonthemacinthestudyareaofthe

suite.he’sdressedinblackjeansandagraycable-knitsweater,andi’m

wearingthejeans,thehoodie,andawhitet-shirt.

“youlooksoyoung,”christiansayssoftly,glancingup,hiseyesglowing.

“andtothinkyou’llbeawholeyearoldertomorrow.”his341|page

fiftyshadesfreed

voiceiswistful.igivehimacrookedsmile.

“idon’tfeelmuchlikecelebrating.canwegoseeraynow?”

“sure.iwishyou’deatsomething.youbarelytouchedyourlunch.”

“christian,please.i’mjustnothungry.maybeafterwe’veseenray.iwantto

wishhimgoodnight.”

aswearriveattheicu,wemeetjosélea一ving.he’salone.

“ana,christian,hi.”

“where’syourdad?”

“hewastootiredtocomeback.hewasinacaraccidentthismorning,”

joségrinsruefully.“andhispainkillersha一vekickedin.hewasoutforthe

count.ihadtofighttogetintoseeraysincei’mnotnextofkin.”

“and?”iaskanxiously.

“he’sgood,ana.same...butallgood.”

relieffloodsmysystem.nonewsisgoodnews.

“seeyoutomorrow,birthdaygirl?”

“sure.we’llbehere.”

joséeyeschristianquicklythenpullsmeintoabriefhug.

“ma?ana.”

“goodnight,josé.”

“good-bye,josé,”christiansays.josénodsandwalksondownthe

corridor.“he’sstillnutsaboutyou,”christiansaysquietly.

“nohe’snot.andevenifheis...”ishrugbecauserightnowijustdon’tcare.

christiangivesmeatightsmile,andmyheartmelts.

“welldone,”imurmur.

hefrowns.

“fornotfrothingatthemouth.”

hegapesatme,wounded—butamused,too.“i’veneverfrothed.let’ssee

yourdad.iha一veasurpriseforyou.”

“surprise?”myeyeswideninalarm.

“come.”christiantakesmyhand,andwepushopenthedoubledoorsofthe

icu.

standingattheendofray’sbedisgraceindeepdiscussionwithcrowe

andaseconddoctor,awomani’venotseenbefore.seeingus,342|page

eljames

gracebeams.oh,thankhea一vens.

“christian.”shekisseschristian’scheek,thenturnstomeandfoldsmein

herwarmembrace.

“ana.howareyouholdingup?”

“i’mfine.it’smyfatheri’mworriedabout.”

“he’singoodhands.doctorsluderisanexpertinherfield.wetrained

togetheratyale.”

oh...

“mrs.grey,”dr.sludergreetsmeveryformally.she’sshort-hairedandelfin,

withashysmileandasoftsouthernaccent.“astheleadphysicianforyour

father,i’mpleasedtotellyouthatallisontrack.hisvitalsignsarestableand

strong.weha一veeveryfaiththathe’llmakeacompleterecovery.thebrain

swellinghasstopped,andshowssignsofdecreasing.thisisvery

encouragingaftersuchashorttime.”

“that’sgoodnews,”imurmur.

shesmileswarmlyatme.“itis,mrs.grey.we’retakingrealgoodcareof

him.”

“greattoseeyouagain,grace.”

gracesmilesback.“likewise,lorraina.”

“dr.crowe,let’slea一vethesegoodpeopletovisitwithmr.steele.”

crowefollowsindr.sluder’swaketotheexit.

iglanceoveratray,andforthefirsttimesincehisaccident,ifeelmore

hopeful.dr.sluderandgrace’skindwordsha一verekindledmyhope.

gracetakesmyhandandsqueezesgently.“ana,sweetheart,sitwithhim.

talktohim.it’sallgood.i’llvisitwithchristianinthewaitingroom.”

inod.christiansmileshisreassuranceatme,andheandhismotherlea一ve

mewithmybelovedfathersleepingpeacefullytothegentlelullabyofhis

ventilatorandheartmonitor.

islipchristian’swhitet-shirtonandgetintobed.

“youseembrighter,”christiansayscautiouslyashepullsonhispajamas.

“yes.ithinktalkingtodr.sluderandyourmommadeabigdifference.did

youaskgracetocomehere?”

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fiftyshadesfreed

christianslidesintobedandpullsmeintohisarms,turningmetofaceaway

fromhim.

“no.shewantedtocomeandcheckonyourdadherself.”

“howdidsheknow?”

“icalledherthismorning.”

oh.

“baby,you’reexhausted.youshouldsleep.”

“hmm,”imurmurinagreement.he’sright.i’msotired.it’sbeenanemotional

day.icranemyheadaroundandgazeathimabeat.we’renotgoingto

makelove?andi’mrelieved.infact,he’shadatotallyhands-offapproach

withmeallday.iwonderifishouldbealarmedbythisturnofevents,but

sincemyinnergoddesshasleftthebuildingandtakenmylibidowithher,i’ll

thinkaboutitinthemorning.iturnoverandsnuggleagainstchristian,

wrappingmylegoverhis.

“promisemesomething,”hesayssoftly.

“hmm?”it’saquestionthatiamtootiredtoarticulate.

“promisemeyou’lleatsomethingtomorrow.icanjustabouttolerateyou

wearinganotherman’sjacketwithoutfrothingatthemouth,but,ana...you

musteat.please.”

“hmm,”iacquiesce.hekissesmyhair.“thankyouforbeinghere,”imumble

andsleepilykisshischest.

“whereelsewouldibe?iwanttobewhereveryouare,ana.beinghere

makesmethinkofhowfarwe’vecome.andthenightifirstsleptwithyou.

whatanightthatwas.iwatchedyouforhours.youwerejust...yar,”he

breathes.ismileagainsthischest.

“sleep,”hemurmurs,andit’sacommand.iclosemyeyesanddrift.

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