fuckinglunatic.
“no...um,that’snotwhatiwasreferringto.ithoughtthiswasaboutme
stayingout.”
hecloseshiseyesoncemoreasifinpainandshakeshishead.
“christian,iwasn’there.”itrytoappeaseandreassurehim.
“iknow,”hewhispersopeninghiseyes.“andallbecauseyoucan’tfollowa
simple,fuckingrequest.”histoneisbitterandit’smyturntoblanch.“idon’t
wanttodiscussthisnow,intheshower.iamstillfuckingmadatyou,
anastasia.you’remakingmequestionmyjudgment.”heturnsandpromptly
lea一vestheshower,grabbingatowelonthewayandstalkingoutofthe
bathroom,lea一vingmebereftandchilledunderthehotwater.
crap.crap.crap.
thenthesignificanceofwhathe’sjustsaiddawnsonme.kidnap?
fuck.jackwantedtokidnapme?irecalltheducttapeandnotwantingto
thinktoodeeplyaboutwhyjackhadthat.doeschristianha一vemore
information?hurriedlyiwashmyself,thenshampooandrinsemyhair.iwant
toknow.ineedtoknow.iamnotgoingtolethimkeepmeinthedarkabout
this.
christian’snotinthebedroomwhenicomeout.jeez,hedressesquickly.i
dothesame,throwingonmyfa一voriteplumdressandblacksandals,andi’m
consciousthati’vechosenthisoutfitbecausechristianlikesit.ivigorously
towel-drymyhair,thenbraiditandwinditintoabun.fittingdiamondstuds
intomyears,idashtothebathroomtoapplyalittlemascara.glancingat
myselfinthemirror—i’mpale.jeez,i’malwayspale—itakeadeep
steadyingbreath.ineedtofacetheconsequencesofmyrashdecisionto
actuallyenjoymyselfwithmyfriend.isigh,knowingthatchristianwon’tseeit
thatway.christianisnowheretobeseeninthegreatroom.mrs.jonesis
busyingherselfinthekitchen.
“goodmorning,ana,”shesayssweetly.
“morning,”ismilebroadlyather.iamanaagain!
“tea?”
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fiftyshadesfreed
“please.”
“anythingtoeat?”
“please.i’dlikeanomeletthismorning.”
“withmushroomsandspinach?”
“andcheese.”
“comingup.”
“where’schristian?”
“mr.grey’sinhisstudy.”
“hashehadbreakfast?”iglanceatthetwoplacessetonthebreakfastbar.
“no,ma’am.”
“thanks.”
christianisonthephone,dressedinawhiteshirtwithnotie,lookinglike
everyparttherelaxedceo.howdeceptiveappearancescanbe.perhaps
he’snotgoingintotheofficeafterall.heglancesupwheniappearinthe
doorwaybutshakeshisheadatme,indicatingthatiamnotwelcome.shit..
.iturnandwanderdejectedlybacktothebreakfastbar.taylorappears,
snappilydressedinasombersuit,lookinglikehe’shadeighthoursof
uninterruptedsleep.
“morning,taylor,”imurmur,tryingtogaugehismoodandseeifhe’llofferme
anyvisualcuesaboutwhathasbeengoingon.
“goodmorning,mrs.grey,”hereplies,andihearthesympathyinthosefour
words.ismilecompassionatelybackathim,knowinghehadtoendurean
angry,frustratedchristianreturningtoseattlewayaheadofschedule.
“howwastheflight?”idaretoask.
“long,mrs.grey.”hisbrevityspeaksvolumes.“mayiaskhowyouare?”he
adds,histonesoftening.
“i’mgood.”
henods.“ifyou’llexcuseme.”heheadstowardchristian’sstudy.hmm.
taylor’sallowedin,butnotme.
“hereyougo.”mrs.jonesplacesmybreakfastinfrontofme.myappetite
hasvanished,butieatanyway,notwishingtooffendher.bythetimei’ve
finishedwhaticanofmybreakfast,christianhasstillnotemergedfromhis
study.ishea一voidingme?
“thanks,mrs.jones,”imurmur,slidingoffthebarstoolandmakingmyway
tothebathroomtocleanmyteeth.asibrushthem,206|page
eljames
i’mremindedofchristian’ssulkovertheweddingvows.heholedupinhis
studythen,too.isthatwhatthisis?himsulking?ishudderasirecallhis
subsequentnightmare.willthathappenagain?wereallyneedtotalk.ineed
toknowaboutjack,andabouttheincreasedsecurityforthegreys—allthe
detailsthatha一vebeenkeptfromme,butnotfromkate.obviouslyelliottalks
toher.
iglanceatmywatch.it’seightfifty—i’mlateforwork.ifinishbrushingmy
teeth,applyalittlelipgloss,grabmylightweightblackjacketandheadback
tothegreatroom.iamrelievedtoseechristianthere,eatinghisbreakfast.
“you’regoing?”hesayswhenheseesme.
“towork?yes,ofcourse.”bra一vely,iwalktowardhimandrestmyhandson
theedgeofthebreakfastbar.hegazesatmeblankly.
“christian,we’vehardlybeenbackaweek.iha一vetogotowork.”
“but—”hestops,andrakeshishandthroughhishair.mrs.joneswalks
quietlyoutoftheroom.discreet,gail,discreet.
“iknowweha一veagreatdealtotalkabout.perhapsifyou’vecalmeddown,
wecandoitthisevening.”
hismouthpopsopenwithdismay.“calmeddown?”hisvoiceiseerilysoft.
iflush.“youknowwhatimean.”
“no,anastasia,idon’tknowwhatyoumean.”
“idon’twantafight.iwascomingtoaskyouificouldtakemycar.”
“no.youcan’t,”hesnaps.
“okay.”iacquiesceimmediately.
heblinks.hewasobviouslyexpectingafight.“prescottwillaccompanyyou.”
histoneisslightlylessbelligerent.dammit,notprescott.iwanttopoutand
protestbutdecideagainstit.surelynowjackhasbeencaughtwecancut
backonoursecurity.iremembermymom’s“wordsofwisdom”talktheday
beforemywedding.ana,honey,youreallyha一vetochooseyourbattles.it’ll
bethesamewithyourkidswhenyouha一vethem.well,atleasthe’sletting
megotowork.
“okay,”imutter.andbecauseidon’twanttolea一vehimlikethiswithsomuch
unresolvedandsomuchtensionbetweenus,isteptentativelytowardhim.
hestiffens,hiseyeswidening,andfora207|page
fiftyshadesfreed
momenthelookssovulnerableitpullsatsomedeep,darkplaceinmyheart.
oh,christian,i’msosorry.ikisshimchastelyonthesideofhismouth.he
closeshiseyesasifrelishingmytouch.
“don’thateme,”iwhisper.
hegrabsmyhand.“idon’thateyou.”.
“youha一ven’tkissedme,”iwhisper.
heeyesmesuspiciously.“iknow,”hemutters.
i’mdesperatetoaskhimwhy,buti’mnotsureiwanttoknowtheanswer.
abruptlyhestandsandgrabsmyfacebetweenhishands,andinaflashhis
lipsarehardonmine.igaspwithsurprise,inadvertentlygrantinghistongue
access.hetakesfulladvantage,invadingmymouth,claimingme...and
justasi’mbeginningtorespondhereleasesme,hisbreathingquickening.
“taylorwilltakeyouandprescotttosip,”hesays,hiseyesflaringwithneed.
“taylor!”hecalls.iflush,tryingtorecoversomecomposure.
“sir.”taylorisstandinginthedoorway.
“tellprescottmrs.greyisgoingtowork.canyoudrivethem,please?”
“certainly.”turningonhisheel,taylordisappears.
“ifyoucouldtrytostayoutoftroubletoday,iwouldappreciateit,”
christianmutters.
“i’llseewhaticando.”ismilesweetly.areluctanthalfsmiletugsat
christian’slips,buthedoesn’tgiveintoit.
“i’llseeyoulater,then,”hesayscoolly.
“laters,”iwhisper.
prescottanditaketheserviceelevatordowntothebasementgaragein
ordertoa一voidthemediaoutside.jack’sarrest,andthefacthewas
apprehendedinourapartment,isnowpublicknowledge.asisettleintothe
audi,iwonderiftherewillbemorepaparazziwaitingatsip
likethedayourengagementwasannounced.
wedriveawhileinsilenceuntiliremembertocallfirstrayandthenmymom
toreassurethemchristianandiaresafe.mercifully,bothcallsareshortandi
hangupjustaswearriveoutsidesip.asifeared,there’sasmallcrowdof
reportersandphotographerslyinginwait.theyturnasone,looking
expectantlyattheaudi.208|page
eljames
“areyousureyouwanttodothis,mrs.grey?”taylorasks.partofmejust
wantstogohome,butthatmeansspendingthedaywithmr.burningrage.
hopefullywithalittletimehewillgainsomeperspective.jackisinpolice
custody,sofiftyshouldbehappy,buthe’snot.partofmeunderstandswhy;
toomuchofthisisoutofhiscontrolincludingme,butidon’tha一vetimeto
thinkaboutthisnow.
“takemearoundtothedeliveryentrance,please,taylor.”
“yes,ma’am.”
it’soneo’clockandi’vemanagedtoimmersemyselfinworkallmorning.
there’saknockandelizabethpopsherheadaroundthedoor.
“caniha一veamoment?”sheasksbrightly.
“sure,”imutter,surprisedatherunscheduledvisit.sheentersandsitsdown,
tossingherlongblackhairoverhershoulder.“ijustwantedtocheckyou’re
okay.roachaskedmetopayyouavisit,”sheaddshurriedlyasherface
reddens.“imeanwithallthatwentonlastnight.”
jackhyde’sarrestisalloverthenewspapers,butnooneseemstoha一ve
madetheconnectionyetwiththefireatgeh.
“i’mfine,”ianswer,tryingnottothinktoodeeplyabouthowifeel.jack
wantedtoharmme.well,that’snotnews.he’striedbefore.it’schristiani’m
moreconcernedabout.
iglancequicklyatmye-mail.there’sstillnothingfromhim.idon’tknowifi
weretosendhimane-mail,whetheri’djustbeprovokingmr.burningrage
further.
“good,”elizabethanswers,andhersmileactuallytoucheshereyesfora
change.“ifthere’sanythingicando—anythingyouneed—letmeknow.”
“willdo.”
elizabethstands.“iknowhowbusyyouare,ana.i’llletyougetbacktoit”
“um...thanks.”
thathastoha一vebeenthebriefestmostpointlessmeetinginthewestern
hemispheretoday.perhapsroachsentherinhere.perhapshe’sworried,
giveni’mhisboss’swife.ishakeoffthedarkthoughts209|page
fiftyshadesfreed
andreachformyblackberryinthehopethattheremightbeamessagefrom
christian.asido,myworke-mailpings.
from:christiangrey
subject:statement
date:august26,201113:04
to:anastasiagrey
anastasia
detectiveclarkwillbevisitingyourofficetodayat3pmtotakeyour
statement.
iha一veinsistedthatheshouldcometoyou,asidon’twantyougoingtothe
policestation.
christiangrey
ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.
igazeathise-mailforafullfiveminutes,tryingtothinkofalightandwitty
responsetolifthismood.idrawacompleteblank,andoptforbrevity
instead.
from:anastasiagrey
subject:statement
date:august26,201113:12
to:christiangrey
okay.
ax
anastasiagrey
commissioningeditor,sip
210|page
eljames
istareatthescreenforanotherfiveminutes,anxiousforhisresponsebut
there’snothing.christianisnotinthemoodtoplaytoday.isitback.cani
blamehim?mypoorfiftywasprobablyfrantic,backintheearlyhoursofthis
morning.thenathoughtoccurstome.hewasinhistuxwheniwokethis
morning.whattimedidhedecidetocomebackfromnewyork?he
normallylea一vesfunctionsbetweentenandeleven.lastnightatthathouri
wasstillatlargewithkate.didchristiancomehomebecauseiwasoutor
becauseofthejackincident?ifheleftbecauseiwasoutha一vingagood
time,hewouldha一vehadnoideaaboutjack,aboutthepolice,nothing—until
helandedinseattle.it’ssuddenlyveryimportanttometofindout.ifchristian
camebackmerelybecauseiwasout,thenhewasoverreacting.my
subconscioussucksherteeth,wearingherharpyface.okay,i’mgladhe’s
back,somaybeit’sirrelevant.butstill—christianmustha一vehadonehellofa
shockwhenhelanded.nowonderhe’ssoconfusedtoday.hisearlierwords
comebacktome.“iamstillfuckingmadatyou,anastasia.you’remaking
mequestionmyjudgment.”
iha一vetoknow—didhecomebackbecauseofcocktailgateorbecauseof
thefuckinglunatic?
from:anastasiagrey
subject:yourflight
date:august26,201113:24
to:christiangrey
whattimedidyoudecidetocomebacktoseattleyesterday?
anastasiagrey
commissioningeditor,sip
from:christiangrey
subject:yourflight
date:august26,201113:26
to:anastasiagrey
211|page
fiftyshadesfreed
why?
christiangrey
ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.
from:anastasiagrey
subject:yourflight
date:august26,201113:29
to:christiangrey
callitcuriosity.
anastasiagrey
commissioningeditor,sip
from:christiangrey
subject:yourflight
date:august26,201113:32
to:anastasiagrey
curiositykilledthecat.
christiangrey
ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.
from:anastasiagrey
subject:huh?
date:august26,201113:35
to:christiangrey
whatisthatobliquereferenceto?anotherthreat?
youknowwhereiamgoingwiththis,don’tyou?
212|page
eljames
didyoudecidetoreturnbecauseiwentoutforadrinkwithmyfriendafter
youaskedmenotto,ordidyoureturnbecauseamadmanwasinyour
apartment?
anastasiagrey
commissioningeditor,sip
istareatmyscreen.there’snoresponse.iglanceattheclockonmy
computer.oneforty-fiveandstillnoresponse.
from:anastasiagrey
subject:here’sthething...
date:august26,201113:56
to:christiangrey
iwilltakeyoursilenceasanadmissionthatyoudidindeedreturntoseattle
becauseichangedmymind.iamanadultfemaleandwentforadrink
withmyfriend.ididnotunderstandthesecurityramificationsofchanging
mymindbecauseyounevertellmeanything.ifoundoutfromkate
thatsecurityhas,infact,beensteppedupforallthegreys,notjustus.ithink
yougenerallyoverreactwheremysafetyisconcerned,andiunderstandwhy,
butyou’reliketheboycryingwolf.ineverha一veaclueaboutwhatisareal
concernormerelysomethingthatisperceivedasaconcernbyyou.ihadtwo
ofthesecuritydetailwithme.ithoughtbothkateandiwouldbesafe.factis,
weweresaferinthatbarthanattheapartment.hadibeenfully
informedofthesituation,iwouldha一vetakenadifferentcourseofaction.
iunderstandyourconcernsaresomethingtodowithmaterialthatwason
jack’scomputerhere—orsokatebelieves.doyouknowhowannoyingitis
tofindoutmybestfriendknowsmoreaboutwhat’sgoingonwithyouthani
do?andiamyourwife.soareyougoingtotellme?orwillyoucontinueto
treatmelikeachild,guaranteeingthaticontinuetobeha一velikeone?
213|page
fiftyshadesfreed
youarenottheonlyonewhoisfuckingpissed.okay?
ana
anastasiagrey
commissioningeditor,sip
ihitsend.there—stickthatinyourpipeandsmokeit,grey.itakeadeep
breath.iha一veworkedmyselfupintoquitearage.herewasifeelingsorry
andguiltyforbeha一vingbadly.well,nolonger.
from:christiangrey
subject:here’sthething...
date:august26,201113:59
to:anastasiagrey
asever,mrs.grey,youareforthrightandchallengingine-mail.perhapswe
candiscussthiswhenyougethometoour
apartment.
youshouldwatchyourlanguage.iamstillfuckingpissed,too.christiangrey
ceo,greyenterprisesholdingsinc.
watchmylanguage!iscowlatmycomputer,realizingthisisgettingme
nowhere.idon’trespond,butpickupamanuscriptrecentlyreceivedfroma
promisingnewauthorandbegintoread.
mymeetingwithdetectiveclarkisuneventful.heislessgrowlythanthe
nightbefore,maybebecausehe’smanagedsomesleep.ormaybehejust
prefersworkingduringtheday.
“thankyouforyourstatement,mrs.grey.”
“you’rewelcome,detective.ishydeinpolicecustodyyet?”
214|page
eljames
“yesma’am.hewasreleasedfromhospitalearlierthismorning.withwhat
he’schargedwith,heshouldbewithusforawhile.”hesmiles,hisdarkeyes
crinklinginthecorner.
“good.thishasbeenananxioustimeformyhusbandandme.”
“ispokeatlengthwithmr.greythismorning.he’sveryrelieved.interesting
man,yourhusband.”
youha一venoidea.
“yes,ithinkso.”iofferhimapolitesmile,andheknowshe’sbeing
dismissed.
“ifyouthinkofanything,youcancallme.here’smycard.”
hewrestlesacardoutofhiswalletandhandsittome.
“thankyou,detective.i’lldothat.”
“gooddaytoyou,mrs.grey.”
“goodday.”
ashelea一vesiwonderexactlywhathydehasbeenchargedwith.nodoub一t
christianwon’ttellme.ipursemylips.
werideinsilencetoescala.sawyerisdrivingthistime,prescottathisside,
andmyheartgrowshea一vierandhea一vierasweheadback.iknowchristian
andiaregoingtoha一veanalmightyfight,andidon’tknowifiha一vetheenergy.
asirideintheelevatorfromthegaragewithprescottbesideme,itryto
marshalmythoughts.whatdoiwanttosay?ithinkisaiditallinmye-mail.
perhapshe’llgivemesomeanswers.ihopeso.ican’thelpmynerves.my
heartispounding,mymouthisdry,andmypalmsaresweaty.idon’twantto
fight.butsometimeshe’ssodifficult,andineedtostandmyground.
theelevatordoorsslideopen,revealingthefoyer,andit’soncemoreneat
andtidy.thetableisuprightandanewvaseisinplacewithagorgeous
arrayofpalepinkandwhitepeonies.iquicklycheckthepaintingsaswe
wanderthrough—themadonnasalllooktobeintact.thebrokenfoyerdoor
isfixedandoperationaloncemore,andprescottkindlyopensitforme.
she’sbeensoquiettoday.ithinkipreferherthisway.
idropmybriefcaseinthehallandheadintothegreatroom.istop.holyfuck.
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fiftyshadesfreed
“goodevening,mrs.grey,”christiansayssoftly.he’sstandingbythepiano,
dressedinatightblackt-shirt,andjeans...thosejeans—
theonesheworeintheplayroom.ohmy.theyareoverwashedpaleblue
denim,snug,rippedatthekneeandhot.hesauntersovertome,hisfeet
bare,thetopbuttonofthejeansundone,hissmolderingeyesneverlea一ving
mine.
“goodtoha一veyouhome.i’vebeenwaitingforyou.”
216|page
eljames