down.
“so,youwantmetotakepicturesofyou,mrs.grey?”hesays,amused.alli
canseeofhisfaceishisunrulyhairandabroadgrinonhissculptured
mouth.“well,forastart,ithinkyoushouldbelaughing,”hesays,andhe
ticklesmeruthlesslyundermyribs,makingmesquealandgiggleandsquirm
beneathhimuntiligrasphiswristinavainattempttomakehimstop.his
grinwidens,andherenewshiseffortswhilesnappingpictures.
“no!stop!”iscream.
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“areyoukidding?”hegrowlsandputsthecameradownbesideussothathe
cantorturemewithbothhands.
“christian!”isplutterandgaspmylaughingprotest.hehasnever,ever
tickledmebefore.fuck—stop!ithrashmyheadfromsidetoside,tryingto
wiggleoutfromunderhim,gigglingandpushingbothofhishandsaway,but
he’sunrelenting—grinningdownatme,enjoyingmytorment.
“christian,stop!”ipleadandhestopssuddenly.grabbingbothofmyhands,
heholdsthemdownoneithersideofmyheadwhileloomingoverme.iam
pantingandbreathlesswithlaughter.hisbreathingmirrorsmine,andhe
gazesdownatmewith...what?mylungsstopfunctioning.wonder?love?
gazesdownatmewith...what?mylungsstopfunctioning.wonder?love?
reverence?holycow.thatlook!
“you.are.so.beautiful,”hebreathes.
istareupathim,athisdear,dearpineface;bathedintheintensityofhis
gaze,andit’sasifhe’sseeingmeforthefirsttime.leaningdown,hecloses
hiseyesandkissesme,enraptured.hisresponseisawake-upcalltomy
libido...seeinghimlikethis,undone,byme.ohmy.hereleasesmyhands
andcurlshisfingersaroundmyheadandintomyhair,holdingmegentlyin
place,andmybodyrisesandfillswithmyarousal,respondingtohiskiss.
andsuddenlythenatureofhiskissalters,nolongersweet,reverentialand
admiring,butcarnal,deepanddevouring—histongueinvadingmymouth,
takingnotgiving,hiskisspossessingadesperateneedyedge.asdesire
coursesthroughmyblood,awakeningeverymuscleandsinewinitswake,i
feelafrissonofalarm.
ohfifty,what’swrong?
heinhalessharplyandgroans.“oh,whatyoudotome,”hemurmurs,lost
andraw.hemovessuddenly,lyingdownontopofme,pressingmeintothe
mattress—onehandcuppingmychin,theotherskimmingovermybody,my
breast,mywaist,myhip,andaroundmybehind.hekissesmeagain,
pushinghislegbetweenmine,raisingmyknee,andgrindingagainstme,his
erectionstrainingagainstourclothesandmysex.igaspandmoanagainst
hislips,losingmyselftohisferventpassion.idismissthedistantalarmbells
inthebackofmymind,knowingthathewantsme,thatheneedsme,and
thatwhenitcomestocommunicatingwithme,thisishisfa一voriteformof
self
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expression.ikisshimwithrenewedabandon,runningmyfingersthroughhis
hair,fistingmyhands,holdingtight.hetastessogoodandsmellsof
christian,mychristian.
abruptly,hestops,standsup,andpullsmeoffthebedsothatiamstanding
infrontofhim,dazed.heundoesthebuttononmyshortsandkneelsquickly,
yankingthemandmypantiesdown,andbeforeicanbreatheagain,iam
backonthebedbeneathhimandhe’sunbuttoninghisfly.holycow,he’snot
takingoffhisclothesormyt-shirt.heholdsmyheadandwithnopreamble
whatsoeverhethrustshimselfinsideme,makingmecryout—morein
surprisethananythingelse—
buticanstillhearthehissofhisbreathforcedthroughhisclenchedteeth.
“yessss,”hebreathesclosetomyear.hestills,thenswivelshishipsonce,
pushingdeeper,makingmegroan.
“ineedyou,”hegrowls,hisvoicelowandhusky.herunshisteethalongmy
jaw,nippingandsucking,andthenhe’skissingmeagain,hard.iwrapmy
legsandarmsaroundhim,cradlingandholdinghimhardagainstme,
determinedtowipeoutwhatever’sworryinghim,andhestartstomove...
movelikehe’stryingtoclimbinsideme.overandover,frantic,primal,
desperate,andbeforeilosemyselfintheinsanerhythmandpacehe’s
setting,ibrieflywonderoncemorewhat’sdrivinghim,worryinghim.butmy
bodytakesover,obliteratingthethought,climbingandbuildingsoiam
awashwithsensation,meetinghimthrustforthrust.listeningtohisharsh
breathing,laboredandfierceatmyear.knowingthathe’slostinme...i
groanloudly,panting.it’ssoerotic—hisneed,hisneedforme.iamreaching
...reaching...andhe’sdrivingmehigher,overwhelmingme,takingme,
andiwantthis.iwantthissomuch...forhimandforme.
“comewithme,”hegasps,andherearsupovermesoiha一vetobreakmy
holdaroundhim.
“openyoureyes,”heorders.“ineedtoseeyou.”hisvoiceisurgent,
implacable.myeyesflickeropenmomentarily,andthesightofhimabove
me—hisfacetautwithardor,hiseyesrawandglowingwithneed.his
passionandhisloveismyundoing,andoncueicome,throwingmyhead
backasmybodypulsesaroundhim.
“oh,ana,”hecriesandhejoinsmyclimax,drivingintome,thenstillingand
collapsingontome.herollsoversothati’msprawledon
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topofhim,andhe’sstillinsideme.asisurfacefrommyorgasmandmy
bodysteadiesandcalms,iwanttomakesomequipaboutbeingobjectified
andoppressed,butholdmytongue,uncertainofhismood.iglanceupfrom
christian’schesttoexaminehisface.hiseyesareclosedandhisarmsare
wrappedaroundme,clingingtight.ikisshischestthroughthethinfabricof
hislinenshirt.
“tellme,christian,what’swrong?”iasksoftlyandwaitanxiouslytoseeif
evennow,satedbysex,he’lltellme.ifeelhisarmstightenaroundmefurther,
butit’shisonlyresponse.he’snotgoingtotalk.inspirationhitsme.
“igiveyoumysolemnvowtobeyourfaithfulpartnerinsicknessandinhealth,
tostandbyyoursideingoodtimesandinbad,toshareyourjoyaswellas
yoursorrow,”imurmur.
hefreezes.hisonlymovementistoopenwidehisfathomlesseyesand
gazeatmeasicontinuemyweddingvows.
“ipromisetoloveyouunconditionally,tosupportyouinyourgoalsand
dreams,tohonorandrespectyou,tolaughwithyouandcrywithyou,to
sharemyhopesanddreamswithyou,andbringyousolaceintimesof
need.”ipause,willinghimtotalktome.hewatchesme,hislipsparted,but
saysnothing.
“andtocherishyouforaslongaswebothshalllive.”isigh.
“oh,ana,”hewhispersandmovesagain,breakingourpreciouscontactso
thatwe’relyingsidebyside.hestrokesmyfacewiththebackofhis
knuckles.
“isolemnlyvowthatiwillsafeguardandholddearanddeepinmyheartour
unionandyou,”hewhispers,hisvoicehoarse.“ipromisetoloveyou
faithfully,forsakingallothers,throughthegoodtimesandthebad,in
sicknessorinhealth,regardlessofwherelifetakesus.iwillprotectyou,trust
you,andrespectyou.iwillshareyourjoysandsorrowsandcomfortyouin
timesofneed.ipromisetocherishyouandupholdyourhopesanddreams
andkeepyousafeatmyside.allthatismineisnowyours.igiveyoumy
hand,myheart,andmylovefromthismomentonforaslongaswebothshall
live.”
tearsspringtomyeyes.hisfacesoftensashegazesatme.
“don’tcry,”hemurmurs,histhumbcatchinganddispatchingastraytear.
“whywon’tyoutalktome?please,christian.”
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eljames
hecloseshiseyesasifinpain.
“ivowediwouldbringyousolaceintimesofneed.pleasedon’tmakeme
breakmyvows.”
hesighsandopenshiseyes,hisexpressionbleak.“it’sarson,”hesays
simply,andhelookssuddenlysoyoungandvulnerable.ohfuck.
“andmybiggestworryisthattheyareafterme.andiftheyareafterme—”
hestops,unabletocontinue.
“...theymightgetme,”iwhisper.heblanchesandiknowthatiha一vefinally
uncoveredtherootofhisanxiety.reachingup,icaresshisface.
“thankyou,”imurmur.
hefrowns.“whatfor?”
“fortellingme.”
heshakeshisheadandaghostofasmiletoucheshislips.“youcanbevery
persuasive,mrs.grey.”
“andyoucanbroodandinternalizeallyourfeelingsandworryyourselfto
death.you’llprobablydieofaheartattackbeforeyou’reforty,andiwantyou
aroundfarlongerthanthat.”
“mrs.grey,you’llbethedeathofme.thesightofyouonthejetski—inearly
hadacoronary.”heflopsbackonthebedandputshishandoverhiseyes,
andifeelhimshudder.
“christian,it’sajetski.evenkidsridejetskis.canyouimaginewhatyou’ll
belikewhenwevisityourplaceinaspenandigoskiingforthefirsttime?”
hegaspsandturnstofaceme,andiwanttolaughatthehorroronhisface.
“ourplace,”hesayseventually.
iignorehim.“i’magrown-up,christian,andmuchtougherthanilook.when
areyougoingtolearnthis?”
heshrugsandhismouththins.idecidetochangethesubject.
“so,thefire.dothepoliceknowaboutthearson?”
“yes.”hisexpressionisserious.
“good.”
“securityisgoingtogettighter,”hesaysmatter-of-factly.
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“iunderstand.”iglancedownhisbody.he’sstillwearinghisshortsandhis
shirt,andistillha一vemyt-shirton.jeez—talkaboutwham,bam,thankyou
ma’am.thethoughtmakesmegiggle.
“what?”christianasks,bemused.
“you.”
“me?”
“yes.you.stilldressed.”
“oh.”heglancesdownathimself,thenbackatme,andhisfaceeruptsinto
anenormoussmile.
“well,youknowhowharditisformetokeepmyhandsoffyou,mrs.grey—
especiallywhenyou’regigglinglikeaschoolgirl.”
ohyes—thetickling.gah!thetickling.imovequicklysothati’mstraddling
him,butimmediatelyunderstandingmyevilintent,hegrabsbothofmy
wrists.
“no,”hesaysandhemeansit.
ipoutathimbutdecidethathe’snotreadyforthis.
“pleasedon’t,”hewhispers.“icouldn’tbearit.iwasnevertickledasachild.”
hepausesandirelaxmyhandssohedoesn’tha一vetorestrainme.
“iusedtowatchcarrickwithelliotandmia,ticklingthem,anditlookedlike
suchfun,buti...i...”
iplacemyindexfingeronhislips.
“hush,iknow,”imurmurandplantasoftkissonhislipswheremyfingerhas
justbeen,thencurluponhischest.thefamiliarpainfulacheswellsinside
me,andtheprofoundsadnessthatiholdinmyheartforchristianasalittle
boyseizesmeoncemore.iknowiwoulddoanythingforthismanbecausei
lovehimso.
heputshisarmsaroundmeandpresseshisnoseintomyhair,inhaling
deeplyashegentlystrokesmyback.idon’tknowhowlongweliethere,but
eventuallyibreakthecomfortablesilencebetweenus.
“whatisthelongestyou’vegonewithoutseeingdr.flynn?”
“twoweeks.why?doyouha一veanincorrigibleurgetotickleme?”
“no.”ichuckle.“ithinkhehelpsyou.”
christiansnorts.“heshould;ipayhimenough.”hepullsmyhairgently,
turningmyfacetolookupathim.iliftmyheadandhegazesatme.
“areyouconcernedformywell-being,mrs.grey?”heaskssoftly.
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eljames
“everygoodwifeisconcernedforherbelovedhusband’swellbeing,mr.
grey,”iadmonishhimteasingly.
“beloved?”hewhispers,andit’sapoignantquestionhangingbetweenus.
“verymuchbeloved.”iscootuptokisshim,andhesmileshisshysmile.
“doyouwanttogoashoretoeat,mrs.grey?”
“iwanttoeatwhereveryou’rehappiest.”
“good.”hegrins.“aboarditiswhereicankeepyousafe.thankyouformy
present.”hereachesoverandgrabsthecamera,andholdingitatarm’s
length,hesnapsthetwoofusinourposttickling,postcoital,post
confessionalembrace.
“thepleasureisallmine,”ismileandhiseyeslightup.
~o0o~
wewanderthroughtheopulent,giltsplendoroftheeighteenthcentury
palaceofversailles.onceahumblehuntinglodge,itwastransformedbythe
roisoleilintoamagnificent,la一vishseatofpower,butevenbeforethe
eighteenthcenturyendeditsawthelastofthoseabsolutemonarchs.
themoststunningroombyfaristhehallofmirrors.theearlyafternoonlight
floodsthroughwindowstothewest,lightingupthemirrorsthatlinetheeast
wallandilluminatingthegoldleafdécorandtheenormouscrystal
chandeliers.it’sbreathtaking.
“interestingtoseewhatbecomesofadespoticmegalomaniacwhoisolates
himselfinsuchsplendor,”imurmurtochristianashestandsatmyside.he
gazesdownandcockshisheadtooneside,regardingmewithhumor.
“yourpoint,mrs.grey?”
“oh,merelyanobservation,mr.grey.”iwa一vemyhandairilyatthe
surroundings.smirking,hefollowsmetothecenteroftheroomwhereistand
andgawkattheview—thespectaculargardensreflectedinthelookingglass
andthespectacularchristiangrey,myhusband,reflectedbackatme,his
gazebrightandbold.
“iwouldbuildthisforyou,”hewhispers.“justtoseethewaythelight
burnishesyourhair,righthere,rightnow.”hetucksastrandof
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hairbehindmyear.“youlooklikeanangel.”hekissesmejustbelowmy
earlobe,takesmyhandinhis,andmurmurs,“wedespotsdothatforthe
womenwelove.”
iflushathiscompliment,smilingshyly,andfollowhimthroughthevastroom.
~o0o~
“whatareyouthinkingabout?”christianaskssoftly,takingasipofhisafterdinner
coffee.
“versailles.”
“ostentatious,wasn’tit?”hegrins.iglancearoundthemoreunderstated
grandeurofthefairlady’sdiningroomandpursemylips.
“thisishardlyostentatious,”christiansays,ataddefensively.
“iknow.it’slovely.thebesthoneymoonagirlcouldwant.”
“really?”hesays,genuinelysurprised.andhesmileshisshysmile.
“ofcourseitis.”
“we’veonlygottwomoredays.isthereanythingyou’dliketosee?
anythingyou’dliketodo?”
“justbewithyou,”imurmur.risingfromthetable,hecomesaroundand
kissesmeontheforehead.
“well,canyoudowithoutmeforaboutanhour?ineedtocheckmye-mails,
findoutwhat’shappeningathome.”
“sure,”isaybrightly,tryingtohidemydisappointmentthati’llbewithouthim
foranhour.isitfreakythatiwanttobewithhimallthetime?my
subconsciouspressesherlipsintoanarrow,unattractivelineandnods
vigorously.
“thankyouforthecamera,”hemurmursandheadsforthestudy.
backinourcabinidecidetocatchuponmycorrespondenceandopenmy
laptop.therearee-mailsfrommymomandfromkate,givingmethelatest
gossipfromhomeandaskinghowthehoneymoonisgoing.well,great,until
someonedecidedtoburndowngehinc....asifinishmyresponsetomy
mom,ane-mailfromkatehitsmyinbox.
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eljames
from:katherinel.ka一vanagh
date:august17,201111:45pst
to:anastasiagrey
subject:omg!!!!
ana,justheardaboutthefireatchristian’soffice.doyouthinkit’sarson?
kxox
roseisonline!ijumpontomynewfoundtoy—skypemessaging—
andseethatshe’sa一vailable.iquicklytypeamessage.
ana:heyareyouthere?
kate:yes,ana!howareyou?how’sthehoneymoon?didyousee
mye-mail?doeschristianknowaboutthefire?
ana:i’mgood.honeymoon’sgreat.yes,isawyoure-mail.yes,
christianknows.
kate:ithoughthewould.newsissketchyonwhathappened.and
elliotwon’ttellmeanything.??
ana:areyoufishingforastory?
kate:youknowmetoowell.
ana:christianhasn’ttoldmemuch.
kate:elliotheardfromgrace!
ohno—i’msurechristiandoesn’twantthisbroadcastalloverseattle.itry
mypatenteddistract-tenacious-ka一vanaghtechnique.ana:howareelliot
andethan?
kate:ethanhasbeenacceptedintothepsychcourseatseattlefor
hismaster’sdegree.elliotisadorable.ana:waytogo,ethan.
kate:how’sourfa一voriteex-dom?
ana:kate!
kate:what?
ana:youknowwhat!
kate:k.sorry
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fiftyshadesfreed
fiftyshadesfreed
ana:he’sfine.morethanfine.??
kate:well,aslongasyou’rehappy,i’mhappy.
ana:i’mblissfullyhappy.
kate:??iha一vetorun.canwetalklater?
ana:notsure.seeifiamonline.timezonessuck!
kate:theydo.loveyou,ana.
ana:loveyou,too.laters.x
kate:laters.<3
trustkatetobeonthetrailofthisstory.irollmyeyesandshutskypedown
beforechristianseesthechat.hewouldn’tappreciatetheex-domcomment
—andi’mnotsurehe’sentirelyex...isighloudly.kateknowseverything,
sinceourtipsyeveningthreeweeksbeforetheweddingwhenifinally
succumbedtotheka一vanaghinquisition.itwasarelieftofinallytalkto
someone.iglanceatmywatch.it’sbeenaboutanhoursincedinner,andi
ammissingmyhusband.iheadbackondecktoseeifhe’sfinishedhis
work.
~o0o~
iaminthehallofmirrorsandchristianisstandingbesideme,smilingdown
atmewithloveandaffection.youlooklikeanangel.ibeambackathim,
butwheniglanceintothelookingglassi’mstandingonmyownandtheroom
isgrayanddrab.no!myheadwhipsbacktohisface,tofindhissmileissad
andwistful.reachingup,hetucksmyhairbehindmyear.thenheturns
wordlesslyandwalksawayslowly,thesoundofhisfootstepsechoingoffthe
mirrorsashepacestheenormousroomtotheornatedoubledoorsatthe
end...amanonhisown,amanwithnoreflection...andiwake,gasping
forair,aspanicseizesme.
“hey,”hewhispersfrombesidemeinthedarkness,hisvoicefilledwith
concern.
oh,he’shere.he’ssafe.reliefcoursesthroughme.
“oh,christian,”imumble,tryingtobringmypoundingheartbeatunder
control.hewrapsmeinhisarms,andit’sonlythenthatirealizeiha一vetears
streamingdownmyface.
“ana,whatisit?”hestrokesmycheek,wipingawaymytears,and74|pag
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icanhearhisanguish.
“nothing.asillynightmare.”
hekissesmyforeheadandmytearstainedcheeks,comfortingme.
“justabaddream,baby,”hemurmurs.“i’vegotyou.i’llkeepyousafe.”
drinkinginhisscent,icurlaroundhim,tryingtoignorethelossand
devastationifeltinmydream,andinthatmoment,iknowthatmydeepest,
darkestfearwouldbelosinghim.
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