五十度灰(Fifty Shades of Grey)英文版 Part II 20

“iwishthat,too.”ishakemyheadthinkingaboutmy

mythicalfather.“mom,i’llletyougo.i’llcallsoon.”

“loveyou,darling.”

“me,too,mom.good-bye.”

christian’skitchenisadreamtoworkin.foramanwho

knowsnothingaboutcooking,heseemstoha一ve

everything.isuspectmrs.joneslovestocook,too.the

onlythingineedissomehighqualitychocolateforthe

frosting.ilea一vethetwohalvesofthecakeonacooling

rack,grabmypurse,andpopmyheadaroundchristian’s

studydoor.he’sconcentratingonhiscomputerscreen.

helooksupandsmilesatme.

“i’mjustheadingtothestoretopickupsome

ingredients.”

“okay.”hefrownsatme.

“what?”

“yougoingtoputsomejeansonorsomething?”

oh,comeon.“christian,they’rejustlegs.”

hegazesatme,unamused.thisisgoingtobeafight.

andit’shisbirthday.irollmyeyesathim,feelinglikean

errantteenager.

“whatifwewereatthebeach?”itakeadifferent

tack.

“we’renotatthebeach.”

“wouldyouobjectifwewereatthebeach?”

heconsidersthisforamoment.“no,”hesayssimply.

irollmyeyesagainandsmirkathim.“well,just

imagineweare.laters.”iturnandboltforthefoyer.i

makeittotheelevatorbeforehecatchesupwithme.as

thedoorsclose,iwa一veathim,grinningsweetlyashe

watches,helpless—butfortunatelyamused—with

narrowedeyes.heshakeshisheadinexasperation,theni

canseehimnomore.

oh,thatwasexciting.adrenalineispoundingthrough

myveins,andmyheartfeelslikeitwantstoexitmychest.

butastheelevatordescends,sodomyspirits.shit,what

ha一veidone?

iha一veatigerbythetail.he’sgoingtobemadwheni

getback.mysubconsciousisglaringatmeoverherhalfmoon

glasses,awillowswitchinherhand.shit.ithink

aboutwhatlittleexperienceiha一vewithmen.i’venever

livedwithamanbefore—well,exceptray—andforsome

reasonhedoesn’tcount.he’smydad...well,themani

considermydad.

andnowiha一vechristian.he’sneverreallylivedwith

anyone,ithink.i’llha一vetoaskhim—ifhe’sstilltalkingto

me.

butifeelstronglythatishouldwearwhatilike.i

rememberhisrules.yes,thismustbehardforhim,buthe

sureashellpaidforthisdress.heshouldha一vegiven

neimansabetterbrief.nothingtooshort!

thisskirtisn’tthatshort,isit?icheckinthelarge

mirrorinthelobby.damn.yes,itisquiteshort,buti’ve

madeastandnow.andnodoub一ti’llha一vetofacethe

consequences.iwonderidlywhathe’lldo,butfirstineed

cash.

istareatmyreceiptfromtheatm:$51,689.16.that’s

fiftythousanddollarstoomuch!anastasia,you’regoing

toha一vetolearntoberich,too,ifyousayyes.andsoit

begins.itakemypaltryfiftydollarsandmakemywayto

thestore.

iheadstraighttothekitchenwheniarriveback,andi

can’thelpfeelingafrissonofalarm.christianisstillinhis

study.jeez,that’smostoftheafternoon.idecidemybest

optionistofacehimandseehowmuchdamagei’ve

done.ipeekcautiouslyaroundhisstudydoor.he’sonthe

phone,staringoutthewindow.

“andtheeurocopterspecialistisduemonday

afternoon?...good.justkeepmeinformed.tellthem

thati’llneedtheirinitialfindingseithermondayeveningor

tuesdaymorning.”hehangsupandswivelshischair

round,butstillswhenheseesme,hisexpression

impassive.

“hi,”iwhisper.hesaysnothing,andmyheartfreefalls

intomystomach.gingerlyiwalkintohisstudyand

aroundhisdesktowherehe’ssitting.hestillsaysnothing,

hiseyesneverlea一vingmine.istandinfrontofhim,feeling

fiftyshadesoffoolish.

“i’mback.areyoumadatme?”

hesighs,reachesoutformyhand,andpullsmeinto

hislap,foldinghisarmsaroundme.heburieshisnosein

myhair.

“yes,”hesays.

“i’msorry.idon’tknowwhatcameoverme.”icurl

upinhislapinhalinghishea一venlychristiansmell,feeling

saferegardlessofthefactthathe’smad.

“meneither.wearwhatyoulike,”hemurmurs.he

runshishandupmybarelegtomythigh.“besides,this

dresshasitsadvantages.”hebendstokissme,andasour

lipstouch,passionorlustoradeep-seatedneedtomake

amendslancesthroughmeanddesireflaresinmyblood.i

seizehisheadinmyhands,fistingmyfingersinhishair.he

groansashisbodyresponds,andhehungrilynipsatmy

lowerlip—mythroat,myear,histongueinvadingmy

mouth,andbeforei’mevenawareofithe’sunzippinghis

pants,pullingmeastridehislap,andsinkingintome.i

graspthebackofthechair,myfeetjusttouchingthe

ground...andwestarttomove.

“ilikeyourversionofsorry,”hebreathesintomyhair.

“andilikeyours,”igiggle,snugglingagainsthischest.

“ha一veyoufinished?”

“christ,ana,youwantmore?”

“no!yourwork.”

“i’llbedoneinabouthalfanhour.iheardyour

messageonmyvoicemail.”

“fromyesterday.”

“yousoundedworried.”

ihughimtightly.

“iwas.it’snotlikeyounottorespond.”

hekissesmyhair.

“yourcakeshouldbereadyinhalfanhour.”ismileat

himandclimboffhislap.

“lookingforwardtoit.itsmelleddelicious,evocative

even,whileitwasbaking.”

ismileshylydownathim,feelingalittleself-conscious,

andhemirrorsmyexpression.jeez,arewereallyso

different?perhapsit’shisearlymemoriesofbaking.

leaningdown,iplantaswiftkissonthecornerofhis

mouthandmakemywaybacktothekitchen.

iamallpreparedwhenihearhimcomeoutofhisstudy,

andilightthesolitarygoldcandleonhiscake.hegives

meanear-splittinggrinashesaunterstowardme,andi

softlysinghappybirthdaytohim.thenheleansoverand

blowsitout,closinghiseyes.

“i’vemademywish,”hesaysasheopensthemagain,

andforsomereasonhislookmakesmeflush.

“thefrostingisstillsoft.ihopeyoulikeit.”

“ican’twaittotasteit,anastasia,”hemurmurs,andhe

makesthatsoundsorude.icutuseachaslice,andwedig

inwithsmallpastryforks.

“mmm,”hegroansinappreciation.“thisiswhyiwant

tomarryyou.”

andilaughwithrelief...helikesit.

“readytofacemyfamily?”christianswitchesther8

ignitionoff.we’reparkedinhisparents’driveway.

“yes.areyougoingtotellthem?”

“ofcourse.i’mlookingforwardtoseeingtheir

reactions.”hesmileswickedlyatmeandclimbsoutofthe

car.

itisseventhirty,andthoughit’sbeenawarmday,

there’sacooleveningbreezeblowingoffthebay.ipull

mywraparoundmeasistepoutofthecar.i’mwearing

anemeraldgreencocktaildressifoundthismorningwhile

iwasrummagingthroughthecloset.ithasawide

matchingbelt.christiantakesmyhand,andweheadto

thefrontdoor.carrickopensitwidebeforehecanknock.

“christian,hello.happybirthday,son.”hetakes

christian’sprofferedhandbutpullshimintoabriefhug,

surprisinghim.

“er...thanks,dad.”

“ana,howlovelytoseeyouagain.”hehugsme,too,

andwefollowhimintothehouse.

beforewecansetfootinthelivingroom,katecomes

barrelingdownthehallwaytowardthetwoofus.she

looksfurious.

ohno!

“youtwo!iwanttotalktoyou.”shesnarlsinher

you-better-not-fucking-mess-with-mevoice.iglance

nervouslyatchristian,whoshrugsanddecidestohumor

heraswefollowherintothediningroom,lea一vingcarrick

bemusedonthethresholdofthelivingroom.sheshutsthe

doorandturnsonme.

“whatthefuckisthis?”shehissesandwa一vesapiece

ofpaperatme.completelyataloss,itakeitfromherand

scanitquickly.mymouthdries.holyshit.it’smye-mail

responsetochristian,discussingthecontract.

allthecolordrainsfrommyfaceasmybloodturnstoice

andfearlancesthroughmybody.instinctivelyistep

betweenherandchristian.

“whatisit?”christianmurmurs,histonewary.

iignorehim.icannotbelievekateisdoingthis.

“kate!thisisnothingtodowithyou.”iglare

venomouslyather,angerreplacingmyfear.howdareshe

dothis?notnow,nottoday.notonchristian’sbirthday.

surprisedbymyresponse,sheblinksatme,greeneyes

wide.

“ana,whatisit?”christiansaysagain,histonemore

menacing.

“christian,wouldyoujustgo,please?”iaskhim.

“no.showme.”heholdsouthishand,andiknow

he’snottobearguedwith—hisvoiceiscoldandhard.

reluctantlyigivehimthee-mail.

“what’shedonetoyou?”kateasks,ignoring

christian.shelookssoapprehensive.iflushasamyriad

oferoticimagesflitquicklyacrossmymind.

“that’snoneofyourbusiness,kate.”ican’tkeepthe

exasperationoutofmyvoice.

“wheredidyougetthis?”christianasks,hishead

cockedtooneside,hisfaceexpressionless,buthis

voice...somenacinglysoft.kateflushes.

“that’sirrelevant.”athisstonyglare,shehastily

continues.“itwasinthepocketofajacket—whichi

assumeisyours—thatifoundonthebackofana’s

bedroomdoor.”facedwithchristian’sburninggraygaze,

kate’ssteelinessslipsalittle,butsheseemstorecover

andscowlsathim.

she’sabeaconofhostilityinaslinky,brightreddress.

shelooksmagnificent.butwhatthehellisshegoing

throughmyclothesfor?it’susuallytheotherwayround.

“ha一veyoutoldanyone?”christian’svoiceislikeasilk

glove.

“no!ofcoursenot,”katesnaps,affronted.christian

nodsandappearstorelax.heturnsandheadstowardthe

fireplace.wordlesslykateandiwatchashepicksupa

lighterfromthemantelpiece,setsfiretothee-mail,and

releasesit,lettingitfloatafireslowlyintothegrateuntilitis

nomore.thesilenceintheroomisoppressive.

“notevenelliot?”iask,turningmyattentionbackto

kate.

“noone,”katesaysemphatically,andforthefirst

timeshelookspuzzledandhurt.“ijustwanttoknow

you’reokay,ana,”shewhispers.

“i’mfine,kate.morethanfine.please,christianandi

aregood,reallygood—thisisoldnews.pleaseignoreit.”

“ignoreit?”shesays.“howcaniignorethat?what’s

hedonetoyou?”andhergreeneyesaresofullof

heartfeltconcern.

“hehasn’tdoneanythingtome,kate.honestly—i’m

good.”

sheblinksatme.

“really?”sheasks.

christianwrapsanarmaroundmeanddrawsme

close,nottakinghiseyesoffkate.

“anahasconsentedtobemywife,katherine,”hesays

quietly.

“wife!”katesqueaks,hereyeswideningindisbelief.

“we’regettingmarried.we’regoingtoannounceour

engagementthisevening,”hesays.

“oh!”kategapesatme.she’sstunned.“ilea一veyou

aloneforsixteendays,andthishappens?it’sverysudden.

soyesterday,whenisaid—”shegazesatme,lost.

“wheredoesthate-mailfitintoallthis?”

“itdoesn’t,kate.forgetit—please.ilovehimandhe

lovesme.don’tdothis.don’truinhispartyandour

night,”iwhisper.sheblinksandunexpectedlyhereyes

areshiningwithtears.

“no.ofcourseiwon’t.you’reokay?”shewants

reassurance.

“i’veneverbeenhappier,”iwhisper.shereaches

forwardandgrabsmyhandregardlessofchristian’sarm

wrappedaroundme.

“youreallyareokay?”sheaskshopefully.

“yes.”igrinather,myjoyreturning.she’sback

onside.shesmilesatme,myhappinessreflectingbackon

her.istepoutofchristian’shold,andshehugsme

suddenly.

“oh,ana—iwassoworriedwhenireadthis.ididn’t

knowwhattothink.willyouexplainittome?”she

whispers.

“oneday,notnow.”

“good.iwon’ttellanyone.iloveyousomuch,ana,

likemyownsister.ijustthought...ididn’tknowwhatto

think.i’msorry.ifyou’rehappy,theni’mhappy.”she

looksdirectlyatchristianandrepeatsherapology.he

nodsather,hiseyesglacial,andhisexpressiondoesnot

change.ohshit,he’sstillmad.

“ireallyamsorry.you’reright,it’snoneofmy

business,”shewhisperstome.

there’saknockonthedoorthatstartleskateandi

apart.gracepokesherheadaround.

“everythingokay,darling?”sheaskschristian.

“everything’sfine,mrs.grey,”katesaysimmediately.

“fine,mom,”christiansays.

“good.”graceenters.“thenyouwon’tmindifigive

mysonabirthdayhug.”shebeamsatbothofus.hehugs

hertightlyandthawsimmediately.

“happybirthday,darling,”shesayssoftly,closingher

eyesinhisembrace.“i’msogladyou’restillwithus.”

“mom,i’mfine.”christiansmilesdownather.she

pullsback,looksathimclosely,andgrins.

“i’msohappyforyou,”shesaysandcaresseshisface.

hegrinsather—histhousandmegawattsmile.

sheknows!whendidhetellher?

“well,kids,ifyou’veallfinishedyourtête-&agra一ve;-tête,

there’sathrongofpeopleheretocheckthatyoureallyare

inonepiece,christian,andtowishyouahappybirthday.”

“i’llberightthere.”

graceglancesanxiouslyatkateandmeandseems

reassuredbyoursmiles.shewinksatmeassheholdsthe

dooropenforus.christianholdsouthishandtomeandi

takeit.

“christian,ireallydoapologize,”katesayshumbly.

humblekateissomethingtobehold.christiannodsat

her,andwefollowherout.

inthehallway,igazeanxiouslyupatchristian.“does

yourmotherknowaboutus?”

“yes.”

“oh.”andtothinkoureveningcouldha一vebeen

derailedbythetenaciousmisska一vanagh.ishudderatthe

thought—theramificationsofchristian’slifestylerevealed

toall.holycow.

“well,thatwasaninterestingstarttotheevening.”i

smilesweetlyathim.heglancesdownatme—andit’s

back,hisamusedlook.thankhea一vens.

“asever,misssteele,youha一veagiftfor

understatement.”heraisesmyhandtohislipsandkisses

myknucklesaswewalkintothelivingroomtoasudden,

spontaneous,anddeafeningroundofapplause.

crap.howmanypeoplearehere?

iscantheroomquickly:allthegreys,ethanwithmia,

dr.flynnandhiswife,iassume.there’smacfromthe

boat,atall,handsomeafricanamerican—iremember

seeinghiminchristian’sofficethefirsttimeimetchristian

—mia’sbitchyfriendlily,twowomenidon’trecognize

atall,and...ohno.myheartsinks.thatwoman...

mrs.robinson.

gretchenmaterializeswithatrayofchampagne.she’s

inalow-cutblackdress,nopigtailsbutanupdo,flushing

andflutteringhereyelashesatchristian.theapplausedies

down,andchristiansqueezesmyhandasalleyesturnto

himexpectantly.

“thankyou,everyone.lookslikei’llneedoneof

these.”hegrabstwodrinksoffgretchen’strayandgives

herabriefsmile.ithinkgretchen’sgoingtoexpireor

swoon.hehandsaglasstome.

christianraiseshisglasstotherestoftheroom,and

immediatelyeveryonesurgesforward.leadingthecharge

istheevilwomaninblack.doessheeverwearanyother

color?

“christian,iwassoworried.”elenagiveshimabrief

hugandkissesbothhischeeks.hedoesn’tletmego

despitethefactitrytofreemyhand.

“i’mgood,elena,”christianmutterscoolly.

“whydidn’tyoucallme?”herpleaisdesperate,her

eyessearchinghis.

“i’vebeenbusy.”

“didn’tyougetmymessages?”

christianshiftsuncomfortablyandpullsmecloser,

puttinghisarmaroundme.hisfaceremainsimpassiveas

heregardselena.shecannolongerignoreme,soshe

nodspolitelyinmydirection.

“ana,”shepurrs.“youlooklovely,dear.”

“elena,”ipurrback.“thankyou.”

icatchgrace’seye.shefrowns,watchingthethreeof

us.

“elena,ineedtomakeanannouncement,”christian

says,eyeingherdispassionately.

herclearblueeyescloud.“ofcourse.”shefakesa

smileandstepsback.

“everyone,”christiancalls.hewaitsforamoment

untilthebuzzintheroomdiesdownandalleyesareonce

moreonhim.

“thankyouforcomingtoday.iha一vetosayiwas

expectingaquietfamilydinner,sothisisapleasant

surprise.”hestarespointedlyatmia,whogrinsandgives

himalittlewa一ve.christianshakeshisheadinexasperation

andcontinues.

“rosandi”—heacknowledgesthered-hairedwoman

standingnearbywithasmallbubblyblonde—“wehada

closecallyesterday.”

oh,that’stherosthatworkswithhim.shegrinsand

raisesherglasstohim.henodsbackather.

“soi’mespeciallygladtobeheretodaytosharewith

allofyoumyverygoodnews.thisbeautifulwoman”—he

glancesdownatme—“missanastasiarosesteele,has

consentedtobemywife,andi’dlikeyoutobethefirstto

know.”

therearegeneralgaspsofastonishment,theodd

cheer,andthenaroundofapplause!jeez—thisisreally

happening.ithinkiamthecolorofkate’sdress.christian

graspsmychin,liftsmylipstohis,andkissesmequickly.

“you’llsoonbemine.”

“iamalready,”iwhisper.

“legally,”hemouthsatmeandgivesmeawicked

grin.

lily,whoisstandingbesidemia,lookscrestfallen;

gretchenlookslikeshe’seatensomethingnastyandbitter.

asiglanceanxiouslyaroundattheassembledcrowd,i

catchsightofelena.hermouthisopen.she’sstunned—

horrifiedeven,andican’thelpasmallbutintensefeeling

ofsatisfactiontoseeherdumbstruck.whatthehellisshe

doinghere,anyway?

carrickandgraceinterruptmyuncharitablethoughts,

andsooniambeinghuggedandkissedandpassed

aroundbyallthegreys.

“oh,ana—iamsodelightedyou’regoingtobe

family,”gracegushes.“thechangeinchristian...

he’s...happy.iamsothankfultoyou.”iblush,

embarrassedbyherexuberancebutsecretlydelighted,

too.

“whereisthering?”exclaimsmiaassheembraces

me.

“um...”aring!jeez.ihadn’teventhoughtabouta

ring.iglanceanxiouslyupatchristian.

“we’regoingtochooseonetogether.”christian

glowersather.

“oh,don’tlookatmelikethat,grey!”shescoldshim,

thenwrapsherarmsaroundhim.“i’msothrilledforyou,

christian,”shesays.she’stheonlypersoniknowwhois

notintimidatedbythegreyglower.ithasmequailing...

well,itcertainlyusedto.

“whenwillyougetmarried?ha一veyousetadate?”

shebeamsupatchristian.

heshakeshishead,hisexasperationpalpable.“no

idea,andnoweha一ven’t.anaandineedtodiscussall

that,”hesaysirritably.

“ihopeyouha一veabigwedding—here,”shebeams

enthusiastically,ignoringhiscaustictone.

“we’llprobablyflytovegastomorrow,”hegrowlsat

her,andhe’srewardedwithafull-onmiagreypouty

grimace.rollinghiseyes,heturnstoelliot,whogiveshim

hissecondbearhuginasmanydays.

“waytogo,bro.”heclapschristian’sback.

theresponsefromtheroomisoverwhelming,andit’s

afewminutesbeforeifindmyselfbackbesidechristian

withdr.flynn.elenaseemstoha一vedisappeared,and

gretchenissullenlyrefillingchampagneglasses.

besidedr.flynnisastrikingyoungwomanwithlong,

dark,almostblackhair,clea一vage,andlovelyhazeleyes.

“christian,”saysflynn,holdingouthishand.christian

shakesitgladly.

“john.rhian.”hekissesthedark-hairedwomanon

hercheek.she’spetiteandpretty.

“gladyou’restillwithus,christian.mylifewouldbe

mostdull—andpenurious—withoutyou.”

christiansmirks.

“john!”rhianscolds,muchtochristian’samusement.

“rhian,thisisanastasia,myfiancée.ana,thisis

john’swife.”

“delightedtomeetthewomanwhohasfinallycaptured

christian’sheart.”rhiansmileskindlyatme.

“thankyou,”imutter,embarrassedagain.

“thatwasonegooglyyoubowledthere,christian,”

dr.flynnshakeshisheadinamuseddisbelief.christian

frownsathim.

“john—youandyourcricketmetaphors.”rhianrolls

hereyes.“congratulationstothepairofyouandhappy

birthday,christian.whatawonderfulbirthdaypresent.”

shesmilesbroadlyatme.

ihadnoideadr.flynnwouldbehere,orelena.it’sa

shock,andirackmybrainstoseeifiha一veanythingto

askhim,butabirthdaypartyhardlyseemstheappropriate

venueforapsychiatricconsult.

forafewminutes,wemakesmalltalk.rhianisastayat-

homemomwithtwoyoungboys.ideducethatsheis

thereasondr.flynnpracticesintheus.

“she’sgood,christian,respondingwelltotreatment.

anothercoupleofweeksandwecanconsideranoutpatient

program.”dr.flynn’sandchristian’svoicesare

low,butican’thelplisteningin,ratherrudelytuningout

rhian.

“soit’sallplay-datesanddiapersatthemoment...”

“thatmusttakeupyourtime.”iflush,turningmy

attentionbacktorhian,wholaughssweetly.iknow

christianandflynnarediscussingleila.

“askhersomethingforme,”christianmurmurs.

“sowhatdoyoudo,anastasia?”

“ana,please.iworkinpublishing.”

christiananddr.flynnlowertheirvoicesfurther;it’s

sofrustrating.buttheystopwhenwe’rejoinedbythetwo

womenididn’trecognizeearlier—rosandthebubbly

blondewhomchristianintroducesasherpartner,gwen.

rosischarming,andisoondiscovertheylivealmost

oppositeescala.sheisfullofpraiseforchristian’spiloting

skills.itwasherfirsttimeincharlietango,andshesays

shewouldn’thesitatetogoagain.she’soneofthefew

womeni’vemetwhoisn’tdazzledbyhim...well,the

reasonisobvious.

gwenisgigglywithawrysenseofhumor,and

christianseemsextraordinarilyateasewithbothofthem.

heknowsthemwell.theydon’tdiscusswork,butican

tellthatrosisonesmartwomanwhocaneasilykeepup

withhim.shealsohasagreat,throaty,too-manycigarettes

laugh.

graceinterruptsourleisurelyconversationtoinform

everyonethatdinnerisbeingservedbuffet-styleinthe

greykitchen.slowlytheguestsmaketheirwaytoward

thebackofthehouse.

miacollarsmeinthehallway.inherpalepink,frothy

babydolldressandkillerheels,shetowersovermelikea

christmastreefairy.she’sholdingtwococktailglasses.

“ana,”shehissesconspiratorially.iglanceupat

christian,whoreleasesmewithabest-of-luck-i-find-herimpossible-

to-deal-with-toolook,andisneakintothe

diningroomwithher.

“here,”shesaysmischievously.“thisisoneofmy

dad’sspeciallemonmartinis—muchnicerthan

champagne.”shehandsmeaglassandwatchesanxiously

whileitakeatentativesip.

“hmm...delicious.butstrong.”whatdoesshe

want?isshetryingtogetmedrunk?

“ana,ineedsomeadvice.andican’tasklily—she’s

sojudgmentalabouteverything.”miarollshereyesthen

grinsatme.“sheissojealousofyou.ithinkshewas

hopingonedaythatsheandchristianmightgettogether.”

miaburstsoutlaughingattheabsurdity,andiquailinside.

thisissomethingiwillha一vetocontendwithforalong

time—otherwomenwantingmyman.ipushthe

unwelcomethoughtoutofmyheadanddistractmyself

withthematterinhand.itakeanothersipofmymartini.

“i’lltryandhelp.fireaway.”

“asyouknow,ethanandimetrecently,thanksto

you.”shebeamsatme.

“yes.”wherethehellisshegoingwiththis?

“ana—hedoesn’twanttodateme.”shepouts.

“oh.”iblinkather,stunned,andithink,maybehe’s