五十度灰(Fifty Shades of Grey)英文版 Part II 6

ohshit,that’sme.iglancenervouslyatmia,andshe

shoosmecenterstage.fortunately,idon’tfallover,but

standembarrassedashellondisplayforeveryone.wheni

lookatchristian,he’ssmirkingatme.thebastard.

“beautifulanaplayssixmusicalinstruments,speaks

fluentmandarin,andiskeenonyoga...well,gentlemen

—”beforehecanevenfinishhissentencechristian

interruptshim,glaringatthemcthroughhismask.

“tenthousanddollars.”ihearlily’sgaspofdisbelief

behindme.

ohfuck.

“fifteen.”

what?weallturnasonetoatall,impeccablydressed

manstandingtotheleftofthestage.iblinkatfifty.shit,

whatwillhemakeofthis?buthe’sscratchinghischinand

givingthestrangeranironicsmile.it’sobviouschristian

knowshim.thestrangernodspolitelyatchristian.

“well,gentlemen!weha一vehighrollersinthehouse

thisevening.”themc’sexcitementemanatesthroughhis

harlequinmaskasheturnstobeamatchristian.thisisa

greatshow,butit’satmyexpense.iwanttowail.

“twenty,”counterschristianquietly.

thebabbleofthecrowdhasdied.everyoneisstaring

atme,christian,andmr.mysteriousbythestage.

“twenty-five,”thestrangersays.

couldthisbeanymoreembarrassing?

christianstaresathimimpassively,buthe’samused.

alleyesareonchristian.what’shegoingtodo?my

heartisinmymouth.ifeelsick.

“onehundredthousanddollars,”hesayshisvoice

ringingclearandloudthroughthemarquee.

“whatthefuck?”lilyhissesaudiblybehindme,anda

generalgaspofdismayandamusementripplesthroughthe

crowd.thestrangerholdshishandsupindefeat,laughing,

andchristiansmirksathim.fromthecornerofmyeye,i

canseemiabouncingupanddownwithglee.my

subconsciousisgazingatchristian,utterlygobsmacked.

“one-hundredthousanddollarsforthelovelyana!

goingonce...goingtwice...”themcstaresatthe

strangerwhoshakeshisheadwithmockregretandbows

chivalrously.

“sold!”themccriesouttriumphantly.

inadeafeningroundofapplauseandcheering,

christianstepsforwardtotakemyhandandhelpmefrom

thestage.hegazesatmewithanamusedgrinasimake

mywaydown,kissesthebackofmyhandthentucksit

intothecrookofhisarm,andleadsmetowardthe

marquee’sexit.

“whowasthat?”iask.

hegazesdownatme.“someoneyoucanmeetlater.

rightnow,iwanttoshowyousomething.weha一veabout

thirtyminutesuntilthefirstdanceauctionfinishes.then

weha一vetobebackonthedancefloorsothaticanenjoy

thatdancei’vepaidfor.”

“averyexpensivedance,”imutterdisapprovingly.

“i’msureit’llbewortheverysinglecent.”hesmiles

downatmewickedly.oh,hehasaglorioussmile,andthe

acheisback,blossominginmybody.

we’reoutonthelawn.ithoughtwewouldbeheading

totheboathouse,butdisappointinglyweseemtobe

headingforthedancefloorwherethebigbandisnow

settingup.thereareatleasttwentymusicians,andafew

guestsaremillingabout,furtivelysmoking—butsincemost

oftheactionisbackinthemarquee,wedon’tattracttoo

muchattention.

christianleadsmetotherearofthehouseandopensa

frenchwindowleadingintoalargecomfortablesitting

roomthati’venotseenbefore.hewalksthroughthe

desertedhalltowardthesweepingstaircasewithits

elegant,polishedwoodenbalustrade.takingmyhand

fromthecrookofhisarm,heleadsmeuptothesecond

floorandupanotherflightofstairstothethird.openinga

whitedoor,heushersmeintooneofthebedrooms.

“thiswasmyroom,”hesaysquietly,standingbythe

doorandlockingitbehindhim.

it’slarge,stark,andsparselyfurnished.thewallsare

whiteasisthefurniture;aspaciousdoublebed,adesk

andchair,shelvescrammedwithbooksandlinedwith

varioustrophiesforkickboxingbythelookofthem.the

wallsarehungwithmovieposters:thematrix,fight

club,thetrumanshow,andtwoframedposters

featuringkickboxers.oneisnamedguiseppedenatale

—i’veneverheardofhim.

butwhatcatchesmyeyeisthewhitepinboardabove

thedesk,studdedwithamyriadofphotographs,mariners

pennants,andticketstubs.it’sasliceofyoungchristian.

myeyescomebacktothemagnificent,beautifulmannow

standinginthecenteroftheroom.helooksatmedarkly,

broodingandsexy.

“i’veneverbroughtagirlinhere,”hemurmurs.

“never?”iwhisper.

heshakeshishead.

iswallowconvulsively,andtheachethathasbeen

botheringmeforthelastcoupleofhoursisroaringnow,

rawandwanting.seeinghimstandingthereontheroyal

bluecarpetinthatmask...it’sbeyonderotic.iwanthim.

now.anywayicangethim.iha一vetoresistlaunching

myselfathimandrippinghisclothesoff.hewaltzesover

tomeslowly.

“wedon’tha一velong,anastasia,andthewayi’m

feelingrightthismoment,wewon’tneedlong.turnround.

letmegetyououtofthatdress.”

iturnandstareatthedoor,gratefulthathe’slockedit.

bendingdownhewhisperssoftlyinmyear,“keepthe

maskon.”

igroanasmybodyclenchesinresponse.he’snot

eventouchedmeyet.

hegraspsthetopofmydress,hisfingerssliding

againstmyskin,andthetouchreverberatesthroughmy

body.inoneswiftmove,heopensthezipper.holdingmy

dress,hehelpsmetostepoutofit,thenturnsanddrapes

itartfullyoverthebackofachair.removinghisjacket,he

placesitovermydress.hepauses,andstaresatmefora

moment,drinkingmein.i’minthebasqueandmatching

panties,andirevelinhissensuousgaze.

“youknow,anastasia,”hesayssoftlyashestalks

towardme,undoinghisbowtiesoithangsfromeitherside

ofhisneck,thenundoingthetopthreebuttonsofhisshirt.

“iwassomadwhenyouboughtmyauctionlot.all

mannerofideasranthroughmyhead.ihadtoremind

myselfthatpunishmentisoffthemenu.butthenyou

volunteered.”hegazesdownatmethroughhismask.

“whydidyoudothat?”hewhispers.

“volunteer?idon’tknow.frustration...toomuch

alcohol...worthycause,”imuttermeekly,shrugging.

maybetogethisattention?

ineededhimthen.ineedhimmorenow.theacheis

worse,andiknowhecansootheit,calmthisroaring,

salivatingbeastinmewiththebeastinhim.hismouth

pressesintoaline,andheslowlylickshisupperlip.iwant

thattongueonme.

“ivowedtomyselfiwouldnotspankyouagain,even

ifyoubeggedme.”

“please,”ibeg.

“butthenirealized,you’reprobablyvery

uncomfortableatthemoment,andit’snotsomething

you’reusedto.”hesmirksatmeknowingly,arrogant

bastard,butidon’tcarebecausehe’sabsolutelyright.

“yes,”ibreathe.

“so,theremightbeacertain...latitude.ifidothis,

youmustpromisemeonething.”

“anything.”

“youwillsafewordifyouneedto,andiwilljustmake

lovetoyou,okay?”

“yes.”i’mpanting.iwanthishandsonme.

heswallows,thentakesmyhand,andmovestoward

thebed.throwingtheduvetaside,hesitsdown,grabsa

pillow,andplacesitbesidehim.hegazesupatme

standingbesidehimandsuddenlytugshardonmyhandso

thatifallacrosshislap.heshiftsslightlysomybodyis

restingonthebed,mychestonthepillow,myfacetoone

side.leaningover,hesweepsmyhairovermyshoulder

andrunshisfingersthroughtheplumeoffeathersonmy

mask.

“putyourhandsbehindyourback,”hemurmurs.

oh!heremoveshisbowtieandusesittoquicklybind

mywristssothatmyhandsaretiedbehindme,restingin

thesmallofmyback.

“youreallywantthis,anastasia?”

iclosemyeyes.thisisthefirsttimesinceimethim

thatireallywantthis.ineedit.

“yes,”iwhisper.

“why?”heaskssoftlyashecaressesmybehindwith

hispalm.

igroanassoonashishandmakescontactwithmy

skin.idon’tknowwhy...youtellmenotto

overthink.afteradayliketoday—arguingaboutthe

money,leila,mrs.robinson,thedossieronme,the

roadmap,thisla一vishparty,themasks,thealcohol,the

silverballs,theauction...iwantthis.

“doineedareason?”

“no,baby,youdon’t,”hesays.“i’mjusttryingto

understandyou.”hislefthandcurlsroundmywaist,

holdingmeinplaceashispalmlea一vesmybehindandlands

hard,justabovethejunctionofmythighs.thepain

connectsdirectlywiththeacheinmybelly

ohman...imoanloudly.hehitsmeagain,in

exactlythesameplace.igroanagain.

“two,”hemurmurs.“we’llgowithtwelve.”

ohmy!thisfeelsdifferentthanthelasttime—so

carnal,so...necessary.hecaressesmybehindwithhis

long-fingeredhands,andi’mhelpless,trussedupand

pressedintothemattress,athismercy,andofmyown

freewill.hehitsmeagain,slightlytotheside,andagain,to

theotherside,thenpausesasheslowlypeelsmypanties

downandpullsthemoff.hegentlytrailshispalmacross

mybehindagainbeforecontinuingmyspanking—each

stingingsmacktakingtheedgeoffmyneed—orfuelingit

—idon’tknow.isurrendermyselftotherhythmof

blows,absorbingeachone,sa一voringeachone.

“twelve,”hemurmurshisvoicelowandharsh.he

caressesmybehindagainandtrailshisfingersdown

towardmysexandslowlysinkstwofingersinsideme,

movingtheminacircle,roundandroundandround,

torturingme.

imoanloudlyasmybodytakesover,andicomeand

come,convulsingaroundhisfingers.it’ssointense,

unexpected,andquick.

“that’sright,baby,”hemurmursappreciatively.he

untiesmywrists,keepinghisfingersinsidemeasilie

pantingandspentoverhim.

“i’venotfinishedwithyouyet,anastasia,”hesaysand

shiftswithoutremovinghisfingers.heeasesmykneeson

tothefloorsothatnowi’mleaningoverthebed.he

kneelsonthefloorbehindmeandundoeshiszipper.he

slideshisfingersoutofme,andihearthefamiliartearofa

foilpacket.“openyourlegs,”hegrowlsandicomply.he

strokesmybehindandeasesintome.

“thisisgoingtobequick,baby,”hemurmursand

grabbingmyhips,heeasesoutthenslamsintome.

“ah!”icryoutbutthefullnessishea一venly.he’shitting

thebellyachesquareon,againandagain,eradicatingit

witheachsharp,sweetthrust.thefeelingismind-blowing,

justwhatineed.ipushbacktomeethim,thrustforthrust.

“ana,no,”hegrunts,tryingtostillme.butiwanthim

toomuch,andigrindagainsthim,matchinghimthrustfor

thrust.

“ana,shit,”hehissesashecomes,andthetortured

soundsetsmeoffagain,spiralingintoahealingorgasmthat

goesonandonandwringsmeoutandlea一vesmespent

andbreathless.

christianbendsandkissesmyshoulderthenpullsout

ofme.placinghisarmsaroundme,herestshisheadinthe

middleofmyback,andwelielikethis,bothkneelingat

thebedside,forwhat?seconds?minutesevenasour

breathingcalms.mybellyachehasdisappeared,andalli

feelisasoothing,satisfyingserenity.

christianstirsandkissesmyback.“ibelieveyouowe

meadance,misssteele,”hemurmurs.

“hmm,”irespond,sa一voringtheabsenceofachiness

andbaskingintheafterglow.

hesitsbackonhisheelsandpullsmeoffthebedonto

hislap.“wedon’tha一velong.comeon.”hekissesmy

hairandforcesmetostand.

igrumblebutsitbackdownonthebedandcollectmy

pantiesfromthefloorandscoopthemon.lazilyiwalkto

thechairtoretrievemydress.inotewithdispassionate

interestthatididnotremovemyshoesduringourillicit

tryst.christianistyinghisbowtie,ha一vingfinished

straighteninghimselfandthebed.

asislipmydressbackon,icheckoutthe

photographsonthepinboard.christianasasullenteen

wasgorgeouseventhen:withelliotandmiaontheski

slopes;onhisowninparis,thearcdetriompheserving

asagiveawaybackground;inlondon;newyork;the

grandcanyon;sydneyoperahouse;eventhegreat

wallofchina.mastergreywaswelltra一veledatayoung

age.

thereareticketstubstovariousconcerts:u2,

metallica,theverve,sherylcrow,thenewyork

philharmonicperformingprokofiev’sromeoandjuliet—

whataneclecticmix!andinthecorner,there’sa

passport-sizephotographofayoungwoman.it’sinblack

andwhite.shelooksfamiliar,butforthelifeofme,ican’t

placeher.notmrs.robinson,thankhea一vens.

“who’sthis?”iask.

“nooneofconsequence,”hemuttersasheslipsonhis

jacketandstraightenshisbowtie.“shallizipyouup?”

“please.thenwhyissheonyourpinboard?”

“anoversightonmypart.how’smytie?”heraises

hischinlikeasmallboy,andigrinandstraightenitfor

him.

“nowit’sperfect.”

“likeyou,”hemurmursandgrabsme,kissingme

passionately.“feelingbetter?”

“much,thankyou,mr.grey.”

“thepleasurewasallmine,misssteele.”

theguestsareassemblingonthedancefloor.christian

grinsatme—we’vemadeitjustintime—andheleadsme

ontothecheckeredfloor.

“andnow,ladiesandgentlemen,it’stimeforthefirst

dance.mr.anddr.grey,areyouready?”carricknodsin

agreement,hisarmsaroundgrace.

“ladiesandgentlemenofthefirstdanceauction,are

youready?”weallnodinagreement.miaiswith

someoneidon’trecognize.iwonderwhathappenedto

sean?

“thenweshallbegin.takeitaway,sam!”

ayoungmanstrollsontothestageamidwarm

applause,turnstothebandbehindhimandsnapshis

fingers.thefamiliarstrainsof“i’vegotyouundermy

skin”filltheair.

christiansmilesdownatme,takesmeinhisarms,and

startstomove.oh,hedancessowell,makingiteasyto

follow.wegrinateachotherlikeidiotsashewhirlsme

aroundthedancefloor.

“ilovethissong,”christianmurmurs,gazingdownat

me.“seemsveryfitting.”he’snolongergrinning,but

serious.

“you’reundermyskin,too,”irespond.“oryouwere

inyourbedroom.”

hepurseshislipsbuthe’sunabletohidehis

amusement.

“misssteele,”headmonishesmeteasingly,“ihadno

ideayoucouldbesocrude.”

“mr.grey,neitherdidi.ithinkit’sallmyrecent

experiences.they’vebeenaneducation.”

“forbothofus.”christianisseriousagain,anditcould

justbethetwoofusandtheband.weareinourown

privatebubble.

asthesongfinisheswebothapplaud.samthesinger

bowsgraciouslyandintroduceshisband.

“mayicutin?”

irecognizethemanwhobidonmeattheauction.

christiangrudginglyletsmego,buthe’samused,too.

“bemyguest.anastasia,thisisjohnflynn.john,

anastasia.”

shit!

christiansmirksatmeandwandersofftoonesideof

thedancefloor.

“howdoyoudo,anastasia?”dr.flynnsays

smoothly,andirealizehe’sbritish.

“hello,”istutter.

thebandstrikesupanothersong,anddr.flynnpulls

meintohisarms.he’smuchyoungerthaniimagined,

thoughican’tseehisface.he’swearingamasksimilarto

christian’s.he’stall,butnotastallaschristian,andhe

doesn’tmovewithchristian’seasygrace.

whatdoisaytohim?whyischristiansofucked-up?

whydidhebidonme?it’stheonlythingiwanttoask

him,butsomehowthatseemsrude.

“i’mgladtofinallymeetyou,anastasia.areyou

enjoyingyourself?”heasks.

“iwas,”iwhisper.

“oh.ihopei’mnotresponsibleforyourchangeof

heart.”hegivesmeabrief,warmsmilethatputsmealittle

moreatease.

“doctorflynn,you’retheshrink.youtellme.”

hegrins.“that’stheproblem,isn’tit?theshrinkbit?”

igiggle.“i’mworriedwhatimightreveal,soi’ma

littleself-consciousandintimidated.andreallyionlywant

toaskyouaboutchristian.”

hesmiles.“first,thisisapartysoi’mnotonduty,”he

whispersconspiratorially.“andsecond,ireallycan’ttalk

toyouaboutchristian.besides,”heteases,“we’dneed

untilchristmas.”

igaspinshock.

“that’sadoctor’sjoke,anastasia.”

iflush,embarrassed,andthenfeelslightlyresentful.

he’smakingajokeatchristian’sexpense.“you’vejust

confirmedwhati’vebeensayingtochristian...that

you’reanexpensivecharlatan,”iadmonishhim.

dr.flynnsnortswithlaughter.“youcouldbeonto

somethingthere.”

“you’rebritish?”

“yes.originallyfromlondon.”

“howdidyoufindyourselfhere?”

“happycircumstance.”

“youdon’tgivemuchaway,doyou?”

“there’snotmuchtogiveaway.i’mreallyaverydull

person.”

“that’sveryself-deprecating.”

“it’sabritishtrait.partofournationalcharacter.”

“oh.”

“andicouldaccuseyouofthesame,anastasia.”

“thati’madullperson,too,dr.flynn?”

hesnorts.“no,anastasia,thatyoudon’tgivemuch

away.”

“there’snotmuchtogiveaway.”ismile.

“isincerelydoub一tthat.”heunexpectedlyfrowns.

iflush,butthemusicfinishesandchristianisonce

morebymyside.dr.flynnreleasesme.

“it’sbeenapleasuretomeetyou,anastasia.”hegives

mehiswarmsmileagain,andifeelthati’vepassedsome

kindofhiddentest.

“john.”christiannodsathim.

“christian.”dr.flynnreturnshisnod,turnsonhisheel,

anddisappearsthroughthecrowd.

christianpullsmeintohisarmsforthenextdance.

“he’smuchyoungerthaniexpected,”imurmurto

him.“andterriblyindiscreet.”

christiancockshisheadtooneside.“indiscreet?”

“ohyes,hetoldmeeverything,”itease.

christiantenses.“well,inthatcase,i’llgetyourbag.

i’msureyouwantnothingmoretodowithme,”hesays

softly.

istop.“hedidn’ttellmeanything!”myvoicefillswith

panic.

christianblinksbeforerelieffloodshisface.hepulls

meintohisarmsagain.“thenlet’senjoythisdance.”he

beamsdown,reassuringme,thenspinsmeround.

whywouldhethinkthati’dwanttolea一ve?itmakes

nosense.

wedancefortwomorenumbers,andirealizeineed

therestroom.

“iwon’tbelong.”

asimakemywaytothepowderroom,irememberi

ha一veleftmypurseonthedinnertable,soiheaddownto

themarquee.whenienter,it’sstilllitbutquitedeserted,

exceptforacoupleattheotherend,whoreallyoughtto

getaroom!ireachformybag.

“anastasia?”

asoftvoicestartlesme,anditurntoseeawoman

dressedinalong,tight,blackvelvetgown.hermaskis

unique.itcoversherfacetohernosebutalsocoversher

hair.it’sstunningwithelaborategoldfiligree.

“i’msogladyou’reonyourown,”shesayssoftly.

“i’vebeenwantingtotalktoyouallevening.”

“i’msorry,idon’tknowwhoyouare.”

shepullsthemaskfromherfaceandreleasesherhair.

shit!it’smrs.robinson.

“i’msorry,istartledyou.”

igapeather.holycow—whatthefuckdoesthis

womanwant?

idon’tknowwhatthesocialconventionsarefor

meetingknownmolestersofchildren.she’ssmiling

sweetlyandgesturingformetositatthetable.and

becauseiamlackinganysphereofreference,idoasshe

asksoutofstunnedpoliteness,gratefulthatiamstill

wearingmymask.

“i’llbebrief,anastasia.iknowwhatyouthinkof

me...christian’stoldme.”

igazeatherimpassively,givingnothingaway,buti’m

pleasedthatsheknows.itsa一vesmetellingher,andshe’s

cuttingtothechase.partofmeisbeyondintriguedasto

whatshecouldha一vetosay.

shepauses,glancingovermyshoulder.“taylor’s

watchingus.”

ipeekaroundtoseehimscanningthetentbythe

doorway.sawyeriswithhim.theyarelookinganywhere

butatus.

“look,wedon’tha一velong,”shesayshurriedly.“it

mustbeobvioustoyouthatchristianisinlovewithyou.i

ha一veneverseenhimlikethis,ever.”sheemphasizesthe

lastword.

what?lovesme?no.whyisshetellingme?to

reassureme?idon’tunderstand.

“hewon’ttellyoubecauseheprobablydoesn’trealize

ithimself,notwithstandingwhati’vesaidtohim,butthat’s

christian.he’snotveryattunedtoanypositivefeelings

andemotionshemayha一ve.hedwellsfartoomuchonthe

negative.butthenyou’veprobablyworkedthatoutfor

yourself.hedoesn’tthinkhe’sworthy.”

iamreeling.christianlovesme?hehasn’tsaidit,

andthiswomanhastoldhimthat’showhefeels?how

bizarre.

ahundredimagesdancethroughmyhead:theipad,

thegliding,flyingtoseeme,allhisactions,his

possessiveness,onehundredthousanddollarsforadance.

isthislove?

andhearingitfromthiswoman,ha一vingherconfirmit

formeis,frankly,unwelcome.i’dratherhearitfromhim.

myheartconstricts.hefeelsunworthy?why?

“i’veneverseenhimsohappy,andit’sobviousthat

youha一vefeelingsforhim,too.”abriefsmileflitsacross

herlips.“that’sgreat,andiwishyouboththebestof

everything.butwhatiwantedtosayisifyouhurthim

again,iwillfindyou,lady,anditwon’tbepleasantwheni

do.”

shestaresatme,ice-coldblueeyesboringintomy

skull,tryingtogetundermymask.herthreatisso

astonishing,sooffthewallthataninvoluntary,disbelieving

giggleescapesme.ofallthethingsshecouldsaytome,

thisistheleastexpected.

“youthinkthisisfunny,anastasia?”shespluttersin

dismay.“youdidn’tseehimlastsaturday.”

myfacefallsanddarkens.thethoughtofchristian

unhappyisnotapalatableone,andlastsaturdayileft

him.hemustha一vegonetoher.theideamakesme

queasy.whyamisittingherelisteningtothisshitfromher

ofallpeople?islowlyrise,gazingatherintently.

“i’mlaughingatyouraudacity,mrs.lincoln.christian

andiha一venothingtodowithyou.andifidolea一vehim

andyoucomelookingforme,i’llbewaiting—don’tdoub一t

it.andmaybei’llgiveyouatasteofyourownmedicine

onbehalfofthefifteen-year-oldchildyoumolestedand

probablyfucked-upevenmorethanhealreadywas.”

hermouthfallsopen.

“nowifyou’llexcuseme,iha一vebetterthingstodo

thanwastemytimewithyou.”iturnonmyheel,

adrenalineandangercoursingthroughmybody,andstalk

towardtheentranceofthetentwheretaylorisstanding

justaschristianarrives,lookingflusteredandworried.

“thereyouare,”hemutters,thenfrownswhenhesees

elena.

istridepasthim,sayingnothing,givinghimthe

opportunitytochoose—herorme.hemakestheright

choice.

“ana,”hecalls.istopandfacehimashecatchesup

withme.“what’swrong?”hegazesdownatme,concern

etchedonhisface.

“whydon’tyouaskyourex?”ihissacidly.

hismouthtwistsandhiseyesfrost.“i’maskingyou,”

hesays,hisvoicesoftbutwithanundertoneofsomething

farmoremenacing.