hetakesaninvoluntarystepbackfromme,hisexpressionforamomentfearful,andthenhereinsitin.

“please,”iwhisper.

herecovershimself.

“oh,nomisssteele,you’vehadenoughconcessionsfrommethisevening.andi’msayingno.”

“no?”

“no.”

oh…ican’targuewiththat…cani?

“look,you’retired,i’mtired.let’sjustgotobed,”hesays,watchingmecarefully.

“sotouchingisahardlimitforyou?”

“yes.thisisoldnews.”

“pleasetellmewhy.”

“oh,anastasia,please.justdropitfornow,”hemuttersexasperated.

“it’simportanttome.”

againherunsbothhandsthroughhishair,andheuttersanoathbeneathhisbreath.turningonhisheel,heheadsforthechestofdrawers,pullsoutat-shirt,andthrowsitatme.icatchit,bemused.

“putthatonandgetintobed,”hesnaps,irritated.

ifrownbutdecidetohumorhim.turningmyback,iquicklyremovemybra,pullingthet-shirtonashastilyasicantocovermynakedness.ilea一vemypantieson,iha一ven’twornthemformostoftheevening.

“ineedthebathroom.”myvoiceisawhisper.

hefrowns,bemused.

“nowyou’reaskingpermission?”

“err…no.”

“anastasia,youknowwherethebathroomis.today,atthispointinourstrangearrangement,youdon’tneedmypermissiontouseit.”hecannothidehisirritation.heshrugsoutofhisshirt,andiscootintothebathroom.

istareatmyselfintheover-largemirror,shockedthatistilllookthesame.afterallthati’vedonetoday,it’sstillthesameordinarygirlgapingbackatme.whatdidyouexpect–thatyou’dgrowhornsandalittlepointytail?mysubconscioussnapsatme.andwhatthehellareyoudoing?touchingishishardlimit.toosoon,youidiot,heneedstowalkbeforehecanrun.mysubconsciousisfurious,medusa-likeinheranger,hairflying,herhandsclenchedaroundherfacelikeedvardmunch’sscream.iignoreher,butshewon’tclimbbackintoherbox.youaremakinghimmad–thinkaboutallthat’she’ssaid,allhe’sconceded.iscowlatmyreflection.ineedtobeabletoshowhimaffection–thenperhapshecanreciprocate.

ishakemyheadresignedandgraspchristian’stoothbrush.mysubconsciousisrightofcourse.i’mrushinghim.he’snotreadyandneitherami.wearebalancedonthedelicatesee-saw,thatisourstrangearrangement–atdifferentends,vacillating,andittipsandswaysbetweenus.webothneedtoedgeclosertothemiddle.ijusthopeneitherofusfallsoffinourattempttodoso.thisisallsoquick.maybeineedsomedistance.georgiaseemsmoreappealingthanever.asibeginbrushingmyteeth,heknocks.

“comein,”isplutterthroughamouthfuloftoothpaste.

christianstandsinthedoorway,hispjshangingoffhiships–inthatwaythatmakeseverylittlecellinmybodystandupandtakenotice.he’sbare-chested,andidrinkhiminlikei’mcrazedwiththirstandhe’sclearcoolmountainspringwater.hegazesatmeimpassively,thensmirksandcomestostandbesideme.oureyeslockinthemirror,graytoblue.ifinishwithhistoothbrush,rinseitoff,andhandittohim,mylookneverlea一vinghis.wordlessly,hetakesthetoothbrushfrommeandputsitinhismouth.ismirkbackathim,andhiseyesaresuddenlydancingwithhumor.

“dofeelfreetoborrowmytoothbrush.”histoneisgentlymocking.

“thankyou,sir,”ismilesweetly,andilea一ve,headingbacktobed.

afewminuteslaterhejoinsme.

“youknowthisisnothowisawtonightpanningout,”hemutterspetulantly.

“imagineifisaidtoyouthatyoucouldn’ttouchme.”

heclambersontothebedandsitscross-legged.

“anastasia,i’vetoldyou.fiftyshades.ihadaroughstartinlife–youdon’twantthatshitinyourhead.whywouldyou?”

“becauseiwanttoknowyoubetter.”

“youknowmewellenough.”

“howcanyousaythat?”istruggleupontomyknees,facinghim.

herollshiseyesatme,frustrated.

“you’rerollingyoureyes.lasttimeididthat,iendedupoveryourknee.”

“oh,i’dliketoputyouthereagain.”

inspirationhitsme.

“tellmeandyoucan.”

“what?”

“youheardme.”

“you’rebargainingwithme?”hisvoiceresonateswithastonisheddisbelief.

inod.yes…thisistheway.

“negotiating.”

“itdoesn’tworkthatway,anastasia.”

“okay.tellme,andi’llrollmyeyesatyou.”

helaughs,andigetarareglimpseofcarefreechristian.i’venotseenhimforawhile.hesobers.

“alwayssokeenandeagerforinformation.”hisgrayeyesblazewithspeculation.afteramoment,hegracefullyclimbsoffthebed.“don’tgoaway,”hesaysandexitstheroom.

trepidationlancesthroughme,andihugmyself.what’shedoing?doesheha一vesomeevilplan?crap.supposehereturnswithacane,orsomeweirdkinkyimplement?holyshit,whatwillidothen?whenhedoesreturn,he’sholdingsomethingsmallinhishands.ican’tseewhatitis,andi’mburningwithcuriosity.

“when’syourfirstinterviewtomorrow?”heaskssoftly.

“two.”

aslowwickedgrinspreadsacrosshisface.

“good.”andbeforemyeyes,hesub一tlychanges.he’sharder,intractable...hot.thisisdominantchristian.

“getoffthebed.standoverhere.”hepointstobesidethebed,andiscrambleupandoffindouble-quicktime.hestaresintentlydownatme,hiseyesglitteringwithpromise.“trustme?”heaskssoftly.

inod.heholdsouthishand,andinhispalmaretworound,shiny,silverballs,linkedwithathickblackthread.

“thesearenew,”hesaysemphatically.

ilookquestioninglyupathim.

“iamgoingtoputtheseinsideyou,andtheni’mgoingtospankyou,notforpunishment,butforyourpleasureandmine.”hepauses,gaugingmywide-eyedreaction.

insideme!igasp,andallthemusclesdeepinmybellyclench.myinnergoddessisdoingthedanceofthesevenveils.

“thenwe’llfuck,andifyou’restillawake,i’llimpartsomeinformationaboutmyformativeyears.agreed?”

he’saskingmypermission!breathlessly,inod.i’mincapableofspeech.

“goodgirl.openyourmouth.”

mouth?

“wider.”

verygently,heputstheballsinmymouth.

“theyneedlubrication.suck,”heorders,hisvoicesoft.

theballsarecold,smooth,surprisinglyhea一vy,andmetallictasting.mydrymouthpoolswithsalivaasmytongueexplorestheunfamiliarobjects.christian’sgraygazedoesnotlea一vemine.holyhell,thisisturningmeon.isquirmslightly.

“keepstill,anastasia,”hewarns.

“stop.”hetugsthemfrommymouth.movingtowardthebed,hethrowstheduvetasideandsitsdownontheedge.

“comehere.”

istandinfrontofhim.

“nowturnround,benddown,andgraspyourankles.”

iblinkathim,andhisexpressiondarkens.

“don’thesitate,”headmonishesmesoftly,anundercurrentinhisvoice,andhepopstheballsinhismouth.

fuck,thisissexierthanthetoothbrush.ifollowhisordersimmediately.jeez,canitouchmyankles?ifindican,withease.thet-shirtslidesupmyback,exposingmybehind.thankhea一vensiha一veretainedmypanties,butisuspectiwon’tforlong.

heplaceshishandreverentlyonmybacksideandverysoftlycaressesitwithhiswholehand.withmyeyesopen,icanseehislegsthroughmine,nothingelse.iclosemyeyestightlyashegentlymovesmypantiestothesideandslowlyrunshisfingerupanddownmysex.mybodybracesitselfinaheadymixofwildanticipationandarousal.heslidesonefingerinsideme,andhecirclesitdeliciouslyslowly.oh,itfeelsgood.imoan.

hisbreathinghalts,andihearhimgaspasherepeatsthemotion.hewithdrawshisfingerandveryslowlyinsertstheobjects,oneslow,deliciousballatatime.ohmy.they’rebodytemperature,warmedbyourcollectivemouths.it’sacuriousfeeling.oncethey’reinsideme,ican’treallyfeelthem–butthenagainiknowthey’rethere.

hestraightensmypantiesandleansforward,andhislipssoftlykissmybehind.

“standup,”heorders,andshakilyigettomyfeet.

oh!nowicanfeelthem…sortof.hegraspsmyhipstosteadymewhileire-establishmyequilibrium.

“youokay?”heasks,hisvoicestern.

“yes.”myanswerisfeathersoft.

“turnround.”iturnandfacehim.

theballspulldownwardandinvoluntarilyiclencharoundthem.thefeelingstartlesmebutnotinabadway.

“howdoesthatfeel?”heasks.

“strange.”

“strangegoodorstrangebad?”

“strangegood,”iconfess,blushing.

“good.”there’satraceofhumorlurkinginhiseyes.

“iwantaglassofwater.goandfetchoneformeplease.”

oh.

“andwhenyoucomeback,ishallputyouacrossmyknee.thinkaboutthat,anastasia.”

water?hewantswater–now–why?

asilea一vethebedroom,itbecomesabundantlyclearwhyhewantsmetowalkaround–asido,theballsweighdowninsideme,massagingmeinternally.it’ssuchaweirdfeelingandnotentirelyunpleasant.infact,mybreathingacceleratesasistretchupforaglassfromthekitchencabinet,andigasp.ohmy…imayha一vetokeepthese.theymakemeneedy,needyforsex.

he’swatchingmecarefullywhenireturn.

“thankyou,”hesaysashetakestheglassfromme.

slowly,hetakesasipthenplacestheglassonhisbedsidetable.there’safoilpacket,readyandwaiting,likeme.andiknowhe’sdoingthistobuildtheanticipation.myhearthaspickedupabeat.heturnshisbrightgraygazetomine.

“come.standbesideme.likelasttime.”

isidleuptohim,mybloodthrummingthroughmybody,andthistime…i’mexcited.aroused.

“askme,”hesayssoftly.

ifrown.askhimwhat?

“askme,”hisvoiceisslightlyharder.

what?howwasyourwater?whatdoeshewant?

“askme,anastasia.iwon’tsayitagain.”andthere’ssuchathreatimplicitinhiswords,anditdawnsonme.hewantsmetoaskhimtospankme.

holyshit.he’slookingatmeexpectantly,hiseyesgrowingcolder.shit.

“spankme,please…sir,”iwhisper.

hecloseshiseyesmomentarily,sa一voringmywords.reachingup,hegraspsmylefthandandhetugsmeoverhisknees.ifallinstantly,andhesteadiesmeasilandinhislap.myheartisinmymouthashishandgentlystrokesmybehind.i’mangledacrosshislapagainsothatmytorsorestsonthebedbesidehim.thistimehedoesn’tthrowhislegovermine,butsmoothesmyhairoutofmyfaceandtucksitbehindmyear.oncehe’sdone,heclaspsmyhairatthenapetoholdmeinplace.hetugsgentlyandmyheadshiftsback.

“iwanttoseeyourfacewhileispankyou,anastasia,”hemurmurs,allthewhilesoftlyrubbingmybackside.

hishandmovesdownbetweenthecheeksofmybehind,andhepushesagainstmysex,andthefullfeelingis…imoan.oh,thesensationisexquisite.

“thisisforpleasure,anastasia,mineandyours,”hewhisperssoftly.

heliftshishandandbringsitdowninaresoundingslapagainstthejunctionofmythighs,mybehind,andmysex.theballsareforcedforwardinsideme,andi’mlostinaquagmireofsensation.thestingingacrossmybehind,thefullnessoftheballsinsideme,andthefactthathe’sholdingmedown.iscrewmyfaceupasmyfacultiesattempttoabsorballtheseforeignfeelings.inotesomewhereinmybrainthathe’snotsmackedmeashardaslasttime.hecaressesmybacksideagain,trailinghispalmacrossmyskinandovermyunderwear.

why’shenotremovedmypanties?thenhispalmdisappears,andhebringsitdownagain.igroanasthesensationspreads.hestartsapattern:lefttorightandthendown.thedownonesarethebest.everythingmovingforward,insideme…andinbetweeneachsmackhecaressesme,kneadsme–soiammassagedinsideandout.it’ssuchastimulating,eroticfeeling,andforsomereason,becausethisisonmyterms,idon’tmindthepain.it’snotpainfulassuch–wellitis,butnotunbearable.it’ssomehowmanageable,andyespleasurable…even.igroan.yes,icandothis.

hepausesasheslowlypeelsmypantiesdownmylegs.iwritheonhislegs,notbecauseiwanttoescapetheblows,butiwant…more,release,something.histouchagainstmysensitizedskinisallsensuoustingle.it’soverwhelming,andhestartsagain.afewsoftslapsthenbuildingup,lefttorightanddown.oh,thedowns,igroan.

“goodgirl,anastasia,”hegroans,andhisbreathingisragged.

hespanksmetwicemore,andthenhepullsatthesmallthreadsattachedtotheballsandjerksthemoutofmesuddenly.ialmostclimax–thefeelingisoutofthisworld.movingswiftly,hegentlyturnsmeover.ihearratherseetheripofthefoilpacket,andthenhe’slyingbesideme.heseizesmyhands,hoiststhemovermyhead,andeaseshimselfontome,intome,slidingslowly,fillingmewherethesilverglobesha一vebeen.igroanloudly.

“oh,baby,”hewhispersashemovesback,forward,aslowsensualtempo,sa一voringme,feelingme.

itisthemostgentlehehaseverbeen,andittakesnotimeatallformetofallovertheedge,spiralingintoadelicious,violent,exhausting,orgasm.asiclencharoundhim,itigniteshisrelease,andheslidesintome,stilling,gaspingoutmynameindesperatewonder.

“ana!”

he’ssilentandpantingontopofme,hishandsstillentwinedinmineabovemyhead.finally,heleansbackandstaresdownatme.

“ienjoyedthat,”hewhispers,andthenkissesmesweetly.

hedoesn’tlingerformoresweetkisses,butrises,coversmewiththeduvet,anddisappearsintothebathroom.onhisreturnhe’scarryingabottleofwhitelotion.hesitsbesidemeonthebed.

“rollover,”heorders,andbegrudginglyimoveontomyfront.

honestly,allthisfuss.ifeelverysleepy.

“yourassisagloriouscolor,”hesaysapprovingly,andhetenderlymassagesthecoolinglotionintomypinkbehind.

“spillthebeans,grey,”iyawn.

“misssteele,youknowhowtoruinamoment.”

“wehadadeal.”

“howdoyoufeel?”

“shortchanged.”

hesighs,slidesinbesideme,andpullsmeintohisarms.carefulnottotouchmystingingbehind,wearespooningagain.hekissesmeverysoftlybesidemyear.

“thewomanwhobroughtmeintothisworldwasacrack-whore,anastasia.gotosleep.”

holyfuck…whatdoesthatmean?

“was?”

“she’sdead.”

“howlong?”

hesighs.

“shediedwheniwasfour.idon’treallyrememberher.carrickhasgivenmesomedetails.ionlyremembercertainthings.pleasegotosleep.”

“goodnight,christian.”

“goodnight,ana.”

andislipintoadazedandexhaustedsleep,dreamingofafour-year-old,gray-eyedboyinadark,scary,miserableplace.

thereislighteverywhere.bright,warm,piercinglight,andiendea一vortokeepitatbayforafewmorepreciousminutes.iwanttohide,justafewmoreminutes.buttheglareistoostrong,andifinallysuccumbtowakefulness.agloriousseattlemorninggreetsme–sunshinepouringthroughthefull-heightwindowsandfloodingtheroomwithtoo-brightlight.whydidn’tweclosetheblindslastnight?iaminchristiangrey’svastbedminusonechristiangrey.

iliebackforamomentstaringthroughthewindowsattheloftyvistaofseattle’sskyline.lifeinthecloudssurefeelsunreal.afantasy–acastleintheair,adriftfromtheground,safefromtherealitiesoflife–farawayfromneglect,hunger,andcrack-whoremothers.ishuddertothinkwhathewentthroughasasmallchild,andiunderstandwhyheliveshere,isolated,surroundedbybeautiful,preciousworksofart–sofarremovedfromwherehestarted…missionstatementindeed.ifrownbecauseitstilldoesn’texplainwhyican’ttouchhim.

ironically,ifeelthesameuphereinhisloftytower.i’madriftfromreality.i’minthisfantasyapartment,ha一vingfantasysexwithmyfantasyboyfriend.whenthegrimrealityishewantsaspecialarrangement,thoughhe’ssaidhe’lltrymore.whatdoesthatactuallymean?thisiswhatineedtoclarifybetweenustoseeifwearestillatoppositeendsonthesee-saworifweareinchingclosertogether.

iclamberoutofbedfeelingstiff,andforwantofabetterexpression,well-used.yes,thatwouldbeallthesexthen.mysubconsciouspursesherlipsindisapproval.irollmyeyesather,gratefulthatacertaintwitchy-palmedcontrolfreakisnotintheroom,andresolvetoaskhimaboutthepersonaltrainer.that’sifisign.myinnergoddessglaresatmeindesperation.ofcourseyou’llsign.iignorethemboth,andafteraquicktriptothebathroom,igoinsearchofchristian.

he’snotintheartgallery,butanelegantmiddle-agedwomaniscleaninginthekitchenarea.thesightofherstopsmeinmytracks.shehasshortblondehairandclearblueeyes;shewearsaplainwhitetailoredshirtandana一vybluepencilskirt.shesmilesbroadlywhensheseesme.

“goodmorning,misssteele.wouldyoulikesomebreakfast?”hertoneiswarmbutbusinesslike,andiamstunned.whoisthisattractiveblondeinchristian’skitchen?i’monlywearingchristian’st-shirt.ifeelself-consciousandembarrassedbymylackofclothing.

“i’mafraidyouha一vemeatadisadvantage.”myvoiceisquiet,unabletohidetheanxietyinmyvoice.

“oh,i’mterriblysorry–i’mmrs.jones,mr.grey’shousekeeper.”

oh.

“howdoyoudo?”imanage.

“wouldyoulikesomebreakfast,ma’am?”

ma’am!

“justsometeawouldbelovely,thankyou.doyouknowwheremr.greyis?”

“inhisstudy.”

“thankyou.”

iscuttleofftowardthestudy,mortified.whydoeschristianonlyha一veattractiveblondesworkingforhim?andanastythoughtcomesinvoluntarilyintomymind–aretheyallex-subs?irefusetoentertainthathideousidea.ipokemyheadshylyroundthedoor.he’sonthephone,facingthewindow,inblackpantsandawhiteshirt.hishairisstillwetfromtheshower,andi’mcompletelydistractedfrommynegativethoughts.

“unlessthatcompany’sp&limproves,i’mnotinterested,ros.we’renotcarryingdeadweight…idon’tneedanymorelameexcuses…ha一vemarcocallme,it’sshitorbusttime...yes,tellbarneythattheprototypelooksgood,thoughi’mnotsureabouttheinterface…no,it’sjustmissingsomething…iwanttomeethimthisafternoontodiscuss…infact,himandhisteam,wecanbrainstorm….okay.transfermebacktoandrea…”hewaits,staringoutofthewindow,masterofhisuniverse,staringdownatthelittlepeoplebelowfromthiscastleinthesky.“andrea…”

glancingup,henoticesmeatthedoor.aslow,sexysmilespreadsacrosshisbeautifulface,andi’mrenderedspeechlessasmyinsidesmelt.heiswithoutadoub一tthemostbeautifulmanontheplanet,toobeautifulforthelittlepeoplebelow,toobeautifulforme.nomyinnergoddessscowlsatme,nottoobeautifulforme.heissortofmine,fornow.theideasendsathrillthroughmybloodanddispelsmyirrationalself-doub一t.

hecontinueshisconversation,hiseyesneverlea一vingmine.

“clearmyschedulethismorning,butgetbilltocallme.i’llbeinattwo.ineedtotalktomarcothisafternoon,thatwillneedatleasthalfanhour…schedulebarneyandhis

teaminaftermarcoormaybetomorrow,andfindtimeformetoseeclaudeeverydaythisweek…tellhimtowait…oh…no,idon’twantpublicityfordarfur…tellsamtodealwithit…no….whichevent?...that’snextsaturday?…holdon.”

“whenwillyoubebackfromgeorgia?”heasks.

“friday.”

heresumeshisphoneconversation.

“i’llneedanextraticketbecauseiha一veadate…yesandrea,that’swhatisaid,adate,missanastasiasteelewillaccompanyme…that’sall.”hehangsup.“goodmorning,misssteele.”

“mr.grey,”ismileshyly.

hewalksaroundhisdeskwithhisusualgraceandstandsinfrontofme.hesmellssogood;cleanandfreshlylaundered,sochristian.hegentlystrokesmycheekwiththebackofhisfingers.

“ididn’twanttowakeyou,youlookedsopeaceful.didyousleepwell?”

“iamverywell-rested,thankyou.ijustcametosayhibeforeihadashower.”

igazeupathim,drinkinghimin.heleansdownandgentlykissesme,andican’thelpmyself.ithrowmyarmsaroundhisneckandmyfingerstwistinhisstilldamphair.pushingmybodyflushagainsthis,ikisshimback.iwanthim.myattacktakeshimbysurprise,butafterabeat,heresponds,alowgroaninhisthroat.hishandsslipintomyhairanddownmybacktocupmynakedbehind,histongueexploringmymouth.hepullsback,hiseyeshooded.

“well,sleepseemstoagreewithyou,”hemurmurs.“isuggestyougoandha一veyourshower,orishalllayyouacrossmydesk,now.”

“ichoosethedesk,”iwhisperrecklesslyasdesiresweepslikeadrenalinethroughmysystem,wakingeverythinginitspath.

hestaresbewildereddownatmeforamillisecond.

“you’vereallygotatasteforthis,ha一ven’tyou,misssteele.you’rebecominginsatiable,”hemurmurs.

“i’veonlygotatasteforyou,”iwhisper.

hiseyeswidenanddarkenwhilehishandskneadmynakedbackside.

“damnright,onlyme,”hegrowls,andsuddenlywithonefluidmovement,heclearsalltheplansandpapersoffhisdesksothattheyscatteronthefloor,sweepsmeupinhisarms,andlaysmedownacrosstheshortendofhisdesksothatmyheadisalmostofftheedge.

“youwantit,yougotit,baby,”hemutters,producingafoilpacketfromhispantspocketwhileheunzipshispants.ohmr.boyscout.herollsthecondomoverhiserectionandgazesdownatme.“isurehopeyou’reready,”hebreathes,asalacioussmileacrosshisface.andinamoment,he’sfillingme,holdingmywriststightlybymyside,andthrustingintomedeeply.

igroan…ohyes.

“christ,ana.you’resoready,”hewhispersinveneration.

wrappingmylegsaroundhiswaist,iholdhimtheonlywayicanashestaysstanding,staringdownatme,grayeyesglowing,passionateandpossessive.hestartstomove,reallymove.thisisnotmakinglove,thisisfucking–andiloveit.igroan.it’ssoraw,socarnal,makingmesowanton.irevelinhispossession,hislustslakingmine.hemoves

withease,luxuriatinginme,enjoyingme,hislipsslightlypartedashisbreathingincreases.hetwistshishipsfromsidetoside,andthefeelingisexquisite.

ohmy.iclosemyeyes,feelingthebuildup–thatdelicious,slow,stepclimbingbuild.pushingmehigher,highertothecastleintheair.ohyes…hisstrokeincreasingfractionally.imoanloudly.iamallsensation…allhim,enjoyingeverythrust,everypushthatfillsme.andhepicksupthepace,thrustingfaster…harder…andmywholebodyismovingtohisrhythm,andicanfeelmylegsstiffening,andmyinsidesquiveringandquickening.

“comeon,baby,giveitupforme,”hecajolesthroughgrittedteeth–andtheferventneedinhisvoice–thestrain–sendsmeovertheedge.

icryoutawordless,passionatepleaasitouchthesunandburn,fallingaroundhim,fallingdown,backtoabreathless,brightsummitonearth.heslamsintomeandstopsabruptlyashereacheshisclimax,pullingatmywrists,andsinkinggracefullyandwordlesslyontome.

wow...thatwasunexpected.islowlymaterializebackonearth.

“whatthehellareyoudoingtome?”hebreathesashenuzzlesmyneck.“youcompletelybeguileme,ana.youwea一vesomepowerfulmagic.”

hereleasesmywrists,andirunmyfingersthroughhishair,comingdownfrommyhigh.itightenmylegsaroundhim.

“i’mtheonebeguiled,”iwhisper.

helooksup,gazingatme,hisexpressionisdisconcerted,alarmedeven.placinghishandsoneithersideofmyface,heholdsmyheadinplace.

“you.are.mine,”hesays,eachwordastaccato.“doyouunderstand?”

he’ssoearnest,soimpassioned–azealot.theforceofhispleaissounexpectedanddisarming.iwonderwhyhe’sfeelinglikethis.

“yes,yours,”iwhisper,derailedbyhisfervor.

“areyousureyouha一vetogotogeorgia?”

inodslowly.andinthatbriefmoment,icanseehisexpressionchangeandtheshutterscomingdown.abruptlyhewithdraws,makingmewince.

“areyousore?”heasks,leaningoverme.

“alittle,”iconfess.

“ilikeyousore.”hiseyessmolder.“remindsyouwherei’vebeen,andonlyme.”

hegrabsmychinandkissesmeroughly,thenstandsandholdshishandouttohelpmeup.iglancedownatthefoilpacketbesideme.

“alwaysprepared,”imurmur.

helooksatmeconfusedasheredoeshisfly.iholduptheemptypacket.

“amancanhope,anastasia,dreameven,andsometimeshisdreamscometrue.”

hesoundssoodd,hiseyesburning.ijustdon’tunderstand.mypostcoitalglowisfadingfast.whatishisproblem?

“so,onyourdesk,that’sbeenadream?”iaskdryly,tryinghumortolightentheatmospherebetweenus.

hesmilesanenigmaticsmilethatdoesn’treachhiseyes,andiknowimmediatelythisisnotthefirsttimehe’shadsexonhisdesk.thethoughtisunwelcome.isquirmuncomfortablyasmypostcoitalglowevaporates.

“i’dbettergoandha一veashower.”istandandmaketomovepasthim.

hefrownsandrunsahandthroughhishair.

“i’vegotacouplemorecallstomake.i’lljoinyouforbreakfastonceyou’reoutoftheshower.ithinkmrs.joneshaslaunderedyourclothesfromyesterday.they’reinthecloset.”

what?whenthehelldidshedothat?jeez,couldshehearus?iflush.

“thankyou,”imutter.

“you’remostwelcome,”herepliesautomatically,butthere’sanedgetohisvoice.

i’mnotsayingthankyouforfuckingme.although,itwasvery...

“what?”heasks,andirealizei’mfrowning.

“what’swrong?”iasksoftly.

“whatdoyoumean?”

“well…you’rebeingmoreweirdthanusual.”

“youfindmeweird?”hetriestostifleasmile.

iblush.

“sometimes.”

heregardsmeforamoment,hiseyesspeculative.

“asever,i’msurprisedbyyou,misssteele.”

“surprisedhow?”

“let’sjustsaythatwasanunexpectedtreat.”

“weaimtoplease,mr.grey.”icockmyheadtoonesidelikeheoftendoestomeandgivehiswordsbacktohim.

“andpleasemeyoudo,”hesays,buthelooksuneasy.“ithoughtyouweregoingtoha一veashower.”

oh,he’sdismissingme.

“yes…um,i’llseeyouinamoment.”iscurryoutofhisofficecompletelydumbfounded.

heseemedconfused.why?iha一vetosayasphysicalexperiencesgo,thatwasverysatisfying.butemotionally–well,i’mrattledbyhisreaction,andthatwasaboutasemotionallyenrichingascottoncandyisnutritious.

mrs.jonesisstillinthekitchen.

“wouldyoulikeyourteanow,misssteele?”

“i’llha一veashowerfirst,thankyou,”imutterandtakemyblazingfacequicklyoutoftheroom.

intheshower,itrytofigureoutwhat’supwithchristian.heisthemostcomplicatedpersoniknow,andicannotunderstandhisever-changingmoods.heseemedfinewheniwentintohisstudy.wehadsex…andthenhewasn’t.no,idon’tgetit.ilooktomysubconscious.she’swhistlingwithherhandsbehindherbackandlookinganywherebutatme.shehasn’tgotaclue,andmyinnergoddessisstillbaskinginaremnantofpost-coitalglow.no–we’reallclueless.

itowel-drymyhair,combitthroughwithchristian’soneandonlyhairimplement,andputmyhairupinbun.kate’splumdresshangslaunderedandironedintheclosetalongwithmycleanbraandpanties.mrs.jonesisamarvel.slippingonkate’sshoes,istraightenmydress,takeadeepbreath,andheadbackouttothegreatroom.

christianisstillnowheretobeseen,andmrs.jonesischeckingthecontentsofthepantry.

“teanow,misssteele?”sheasks.

“please.”ismileather.ifeelslightlymoreconfidentnowthati’mdressed.

“wouldyoulikesomethingtoeat?”

“no,thankyou.”

“ofcourseyou’llha一vesomethingtoeat,”christiansnaps,glowering.“shelikespancakes,bacon,andeggs,mrs.jones.”

“yes,mr.grey.whatwouldyoulike,sir?”

“omelet,please,andsomefruit.”hedoesn’ttakehiseyesoffme,hisexpressionunfathomable.“sit,”heorders,pointingtooneofthebarstools.